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Need to do somthing fast--don't know what
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 276160" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Please try to not let this hurt you. Remember that hatred is the other side of love. What you really don't want in your son is total indifference to you, as if you were strangers on the street. </p><p></p><p>Right now, he is in the grip of drugs and people who want him to go the bad way. You and your wife are trying to pull him in the other direction. This causes conflict which he expresses towards you as anger. Tell yourselves this - when he is angry with you, it means he still loves you but doesn't want to do what you are trying to make him do. If he didn't care, he wouldn't waste his energy getting angry with you.</p><p></p><p>MWM, you are right about a move being good for him if he wants to change. The trouble is, from what sunr says here, it doesn't sound to me like his son wants to change. Not yet, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Susie, suggesting a domestic violence support group as well as NarcAnon - good move! I didn't think of a domestic violence group but they would be a VERY good idea. Sunr, please try and go. If culturally you are from India, you do need family support and ccultural support as well, because that can also bring in important factors which need to be considered. However there is also the fear of shame factor which could be why your wife doesn't want to involve the police. As well as the sense of self-sufficiency - 'we can resolve our own problems, we shouldn't be a burden on others'. You need to allow yourselves to use any help that is available because just as this problem has developed due to overwhelming outside influences being imposed on you (the drugs, the drug pushers, the bad friends) then you also need outside help at the same intense level, to help you find ways to fight it.</p><p></p><p>He is your son and you love him, even if sometimes you hate him and are afraid of him. You need to preserve yourselves and your younger son, and make sure you are putting your energy where it will work positively, and not simply pouring it out on barren ground. </p><p></p><p>You need to ask around where you live and see what you can access close to home, in terms of practical support for you and your wife. At the same time, I applaud your information-gathering on possible places to take him. Have you asked about wilderness camps?</p><p></p><p>I wish you every success in this. I can't help with places because I live in Australia, but I can offer moral support.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 276160, member: 1991"] Please try to not let this hurt you. Remember that hatred is the other side of love. What you really don't want in your son is total indifference to you, as if you were strangers on the street. Right now, he is in the grip of drugs and people who want him to go the bad way. You and your wife are trying to pull him in the other direction. This causes conflict which he expresses towards you as anger. Tell yourselves this - when he is angry with you, it means he still loves you but doesn't want to do what you are trying to make him do. If he didn't care, he wouldn't waste his energy getting angry with you. MWM, you are right about a move being good for him if he wants to change. The trouble is, from what sunr says here, it doesn't sound to me like his son wants to change. Not yet, anyway. Susie, suggesting a domestic violence support group as well as NarcAnon - good move! I didn't think of a domestic violence group but they would be a VERY good idea. Sunr, please try and go. If culturally you are from India, you do need family support and ccultural support as well, because that can also bring in important factors which need to be considered. However there is also the fear of shame factor which could be why your wife doesn't want to involve the police. As well as the sense of self-sufficiency - 'we can resolve our own problems, we shouldn't be a burden on others'. You need to allow yourselves to use any help that is available because just as this problem has developed due to overwhelming outside influences being imposed on you (the drugs, the drug pushers, the bad friends) then you also need outside help at the same intense level, to help you find ways to fight it. He is your son and you love him, even if sometimes you hate him and are afraid of him. You need to preserve yourselves and your younger son, and make sure you are putting your energy where it will work positively, and not simply pouring it out on barren ground. You need to ask around where you live and see what you can access close to home, in terms of practical support for you and your wife. At the same time, I applaud your information-gathering on possible places to take him. Have you asked about wilderness camps? I wish you every success in this. I can't help with places because I live in Australia, but I can offer moral support. Marg [/QUOTE]
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