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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 382981" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>In the meantime...... Choose a few items that you believe your difficult child should be working on that are attainable at the moment (such as "walk to the line", "raise your hand when you have something to say", "be respectful to teachers and other students"). Make a short check off list and ask the teacher to grade it each day.</p><p> </p><p>My difficult child's teacher would put "-" if he did not meet the standards of the item, "check mark" if it was satifactory, and "+" if he did excellent (she should be able to tell if it was a struggle to maintain control - if he choose the better behavior over a past unacceptable behavior - the "+" means extra effort was given to do so).</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she will start seeing the good behavior and balance it with the not so good.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child's teacher also told me EVERYTHING which for a very long time (most of the year) was horrid. She hated to and would say, "Andy, I don't like to always be telling you the bad stuff but the other teachers feel it is important that you know everything." Which it was even though I cried alot that year and wondered if my son would ever gain control. However, she also ALWAYS made me feel that she believed in both difficult child and myself to work through this. She watched him grow up and knew this behavior was not who he truly was. She was the best teacher he could have had that year - so patient!</p><p> </p><p>So, though it is important for you to keep your eye on all the behaviors, good and bad, it does sound like your difficult child's teacher needs to start balancing her concerns with good stuff to uplift both you and difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>My difficult child's teacher had a list of things difficult child was working on (showing respect, ect - I don't remember what all was on it) and she went over it with difficult child every day after school. Together they would decide how he did in each area. It gave him the knowledge of one more person on his side helping him through this. The kids don't like their behaviors any more than we do and when those around are able to uplift them and encourage them, the outcome is much nicer - still hard but kids feel they can overcome some of the things they are going through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 382981, member: 5096"] In the meantime...... Choose a few items that you believe your difficult child should be working on that are attainable at the moment (such as "walk to the line", "raise your hand when you have something to say", "be respectful to teachers and other students"). Make a short check off list and ask the teacher to grade it each day. My difficult child's teacher would put "-" if he did not meet the standards of the item, "check mark" if it was satifactory, and "+" if he did excellent (she should be able to tell if it was a struggle to maintain control - if he choose the better behavior over a past unacceptable behavior - the "+" means extra effort was given to do so). Maybe she will start seeing the good behavior and balance it with the not so good. difficult child's teacher also told me EVERYTHING which for a very long time (most of the year) was horrid. She hated to and would say, "Andy, I don't like to always be telling you the bad stuff but the other teachers feel it is important that you know everything." Which it was even though I cried alot that year and wondered if my son would ever gain control. However, she also ALWAYS made me feel that she believed in both difficult child and myself to work through this. She watched him grow up and knew this behavior was not who he truly was. She was the best teacher he could have had that year - so patient! So, though it is important for you to keep your eye on all the behaviors, good and bad, it does sound like your difficult child's teacher needs to start balancing her concerns with good stuff to uplift both you and difficult child. My difficult child's teacher had a list of things difficult child was working on (showing respect, ect - I don't remember what all was on it) and she went over it with difficult child every day after school. Together they would decide how he did in each area. It gave him the knowledge of one more person on his side helping him through this. The kids don't like their behaviors any more than we do and when those around are able to uplift them and encourage them, the outcome is much nicer - still hard but kids feel they can overcome some of the things they are going through. [/QUOTE]
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