Need to pick your brains please......

[PatriotsGirl]

Yes, the title "Parent Emeritus" is a misnomer. A fantasy of "in a perfect world" -- a place one hopes to be with one's adult children. How I wish we were sending them postcards from a tropical place... "wish you were here", having celebrated our retirement with a gold watch and a "thank you for your 18 years of dedicated service, job well done MVP" award

LOL - I have always said we should get an award once we make it to 18!! I should receive mine two weeks from yesterday!

Malika - I guess "obvious" differs pending what you are used to. For me, knowing anything my daughter says is a lie, is "obvious" to me.

 

[susiestar]

Malika, I honestly and truly hope and pray that you NEVER have to learn how addicts think and act. I would be completely THRILLED to learn this has not been part of your life. I am NOT being sarcastic - having an addict in your life is sheer, unadulterated misery and it is awesome to know that you don't have any reason to know that!!

PG, I suggested it because I used to work at a bank as the secretary for the commercial real estate appraisal dept and we had access to a ton of info about every property, and I figured you would either know someone at a bank or a realtor's office or could get owner info from the county assessor's office. Here if you are looking at a property you can get owner info, and also get info on past utility bills, which is handy if you are looking to rent or buy a place, Know what I mean??

Whatever happens, I hope you don't end up hurt by difficult child more than you already are.

 

[InsaneCdn]

having an addict in your life is sheer, unadulterated misery and it is awesome to know that you don't have any reason to know that!!

And it doesn't have to be your kid... for example, I have a little window on this world, thanks to my bro. (He's turned around since, but there were about 10 years in there that were scary.) Hoping my kids don't take that road... 'cause I know for sure I don't want to be the parent. But... I don't get to make those choices.

 

[Malika]

Well, I certainly have a difficult child (despite optimistic assessments) who could certainly go that way unless early interventions are very successful. I do actually have a brother (to whom I'm not particularly close) who is a recovering alcholic - many years sober now and living a perfectly stable life (married, two kids, very demanding career). I never really saw much of the drunken phase but went with my brother to a few AA meetings after he had hit rock bottom (he still goes religiously to AA meetings). I do remember something he said now... "drunks always lie and they are completely selfish". I can imagine a bit of the hell, of course I can. Sorry my thoughtless question was asked in ignorance of the facts...

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Okay, I am so mad I am shaking right now. difficult child tells me the name of this "landlord" (J) and the address. I have my friend do a look up and it is not the same name as the owner. Oh, then comes the well they had to put the lease in J's name for certain reasons. I said, okay, someone must have a copy of the lease they can show me. She tells me she doesn't want me to meet anyone. I ask her why and she tells me that she told people we died to keep us safe. Um, excuse me?? Safe from what??? She tells me meth heads, gangsters, etc. Oh nice, lovely. WTF. So now I don't want to go anywhere near her!!!! And I certainly don't want to bring my son anywhere near her either!!!! I had a feeling she was involved in some really bad stuff and I believe I am right. I have had a feeling about the gang stuff. She has a picture of herself on Facebook wearing a red bandana. This kid made a comment about how he loves her "flag". This kid's name is the same name she told she was rooming with. I traced his conversations and saw that he had made some "gang" comments to some one else that was in a gang - with a red bandana.
And while I was typing this, she calls and tells me that she lied. The reason she doesn't want anyone meeting me is because she made people feel bad for her telling them she had no family. I told her she lies like she breathes and therefore I cannot trust a single word that she says to me.

I don't know what to do....

 

[CrazyinVA]

Oh wow. Well, I think the first thing I would do, is rescind the offer to pay her rent for October. Her lies and fabrications void that offer. None of this is adding up, as you suspected. Even the part about telling people she had no parents... where was she going to say she got the money for rent?! I think she can't keep track of her lies. She wants sympathy? Let her play on having no rent money to get them to lend her some. If you're "dead" to her as far as her friends are concerned, you certainly can't be her bank.

I think it's time to pull back and detach as much as you can right now, and just not take her calls for awhile. I'm so sorry. I know how painful this is.

 

[Signorina]

Oh PG-I am so so sorry. Be mad, it's ok. One of the stages of grief...and I am beginning to realize that we all are grieving for the easy child who was replaced by the willful difficult child.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[Nomad]

Lots of good advice here.

We always make rent checks out to owners and at least do some checking with reference to this. Our difficult child is on disability and her monies go either entirely or almost entirely for rent.

When I was in graduate school, one of my former classmates was a recovering alcoholic. He would ask us (remind us) repeatedly "How do you know if an addict is lying?" The correct answer was always "Their lips are moving." It kinda hits you in the gut. Even when drugs are not involved...I think it is often the same way with many difficult children.

Your latest post is concerning. I too would proceed with extra caution. Please take care of yourself.