Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need Wisdom and Opinions
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743453" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Annie. I threw my son out of a property I own and he squatted in the yard for a couple of weeks. Every time he came to my house I called the cops. His presence frightened me. I felt towards him as if he was a predator. </p><p></p><p>I tell you this because the first month after he finally left our small city, I felt empowered. As did you when you began this thread. And after one month I began to wake up at 3 am terrified for him and for myself. Overcome with dread. The boundaries that I had exulted in were illusory. I could sustain them for a few weeks, but they were artificial. My son lives in my heart. There is no way to keep him out.By being his mother, you do not condone his behavior, nor do you walk the walk with him. When people choose a path that is away from the norms of their society, they walk away from the people they love. Your son walked far away from you. You did not leave him. </p><p></p><p>To love your son is different than walking with him when he is harming himself and others. He needs to know (and so do you) that you will not go with him where he causes harm. That is the only way that there is a chance for him to change, if you maintain strong boundaries between bad and good, right and wrong. To have boundaries is not to reject him; it is not to disown him. At least for me, it isn't. Boundaries are not inconsistent with love. They are a necessary part of love. Without boundaries there really cannot be real love. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what this will look like for you. But I believe you cannot rid yourself of your love for your son; and this is not wrong or bad. Many of us on this board live with grief and despair, and I am among them. I have to say that my grief and despair have lessened since I reached out to my son. But there is nobody here really that can speak to you about the right thing to do, for you and for your family. I am thinking of that book by Carson McCullers, <u>The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.</u> It sure is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743453, member: 18958"] Annie. I threw my son out of a property I own and he squatted in the yard for a couple of weeks. Every time he came to my house I called the cops. His presence frightened me. I felt towards him as if he was a predator. I tell you this because the first month after he finally left our small city, I felt empowered. As did you when you began this thread. And after one month I began to wake up at 3 am terrified for him and for myself. Overcome with dread. The boundaries that I had exulted in were illusory. I could sustain them for a few weeks, but they were artificial. My son lives in my heart. There is no way to keep him out.By being his mother, you do not condone his behavior, nor do you walk the walk with him. When people choose a path that is away from the norms of their society, they walk away from the people they love. Your son walked far away from you. You did not leave him. To love your son is different than walking with him when he is harming himself and others. He needs to know (and so do you) that you will not go with him where he causes harm. That is the only way that there is a chance for him to change, if you maintain strong boundaries between bad and good, right and wrong. To have boundaries is not to reject him; it is not to disown him. At least for me, it isn't. Boundaries are not inconsistent with love. They are a necessary part of love. Without boundaries there really cannot be real love. I don't know what this will look like for you. But I believe you cannot rid yourself of your love for your son; and this is not wrong or bad. Many of us on this board live with grief and despair, and I am among them. I have to say that my grief and despair have lessened since I reached out to my son. But there is nobody here really that can speak to you about the right thing to do, for you and for your family. I am thinking of that book by Carson McCullers, [U]The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.[/U] It sure is. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Need Wisdom and Opinions
Top