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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 743462" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi Annie,</p><p></p><p>My situation has some similarities and some differences from yours. You dont say how old your oldest was when he abused your youngest son... I assume from your post since you called the authorities that he was older. And that he was diagosed with ASPD..... so that is very different from my situation. But my older son did do some stuff to my younger daughter when she was younger (and he was too) and she has not forgiven him for it and they do not have a relationship at this point. </p><p></p><p>So here is my take on all of it. Other people really cannot understand both what you feel and what you are going through and your perspective. Only you can really determine what is best for you and your family. I do think your first priority has to be your younger children, especially if they are still minors. I think your next priority has to be yourselves, because you cant be there for your other children if you are not both physically and mentally healthy.</p><p></p><p>In our situation we love our son.... and we are choosing to continue to have a relationship with him even though he has continued to do some not great things to us due to his drug addiction. However I have gotten very clear that my daughter, now an adult, has every right not to have a relationship with her brother and I respect that. And in fact I have come to a point where I realize that she should protect herself because I dont trust him to not take advantage of her if it would serve him in some way... basically I think he would steal from her if it would help him get drugs if he wanted them. So I no longer am hoping to see them together...... I hold out that someday he will really get clean and sober and maybe they can work something out but that is a far off distant hope and probably a total fantasy.</p><p></p><p>I also could see that there could come a time where I could say I am better off having no contact with my son. We are not at that point.... although I am definitely at the point where I never want him to live with us again.</p><p></p><p>I feel for you. Let go of the guilt if you can. In no way did you cause this situation. Sounds like you did all the right things in protecting your younger children and getting them the help they needed which is really all you could do.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 743462, member: 15801"] Hi Annie, My situation has some similarities and some differences from yours. You dont say how old your oldest was when he abused your youngest son... I assume from your post since you called the authorities that he was older. And that he was diagosed with ASPD..... so that is very different from my situation. But my older son did do some stuff to my younger daughter when she was younger (and he was too) and she has not forgiven him for it and they do not have a relationship at this point. So here is my take on all of it. Other people really cannot understand both what you feel and what you are going through and your perspective. Only you can really determine what is best for you and your family. I do think your first priority has to be your younger children, especially if they are still minors. I think your next priority has to be yourselves, because you cant be there for your other children if you are not both physically and mentally healthy. In our situation we love our son.... and we are choosing to continue to have a relationship with him even though he has continued to do some not great things to us due to his drug addiction. However I have gotten very clear that my daughter, now an adult, has every right not to have a relationship with her brother and I respect that. And in fact I have come to a point where I realize that she should protect herself because I dont trust him to not take advantage of her if it would serve him in some way... basically I think he would steal from her if it would help him get drugs if he wanted them. So I no longer am hoping to see them together...... I hold out that someday he will really get clean and sober and maybe they can work something out but that is a far off distant hope and probably a total fantasy. I also could see that there could come a time where I could say I am better off having no contact with my son. We are not at that point.... although I am definitely at the point where I never want him to live with us again. I feel for you. Let go of the guilt if you can. In no way did you cause this situation. Sounds like you did all the right things in protecting your younger children and getting them the help they needed which is really all you could do. TL [/QUOTE]
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