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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 381123"><p>I believe not only do I understand how you feel, but have felt those feelings many many times...especially in the past. Even now, on occassion, these feelings pop up now and again and they hurt down to my core. I have developed tools and use my reasoning skills to push forward. It is a Godsend.</p><p> </p><p>Furthermore...read quickly, but what Fran said is what I often have said. His behavior is 'on him.' He is over 21, nes pas?</p><p>What could you have done to have caused this? And if there were great difficulties when he was much younger, surely you have apologized and have offered him counseling. It is up to him to chose to accept your apology and to take any help offered. There are many good things out in the world available to him, including a healthy relationship with his parents. Each of us have to accept adult responsibilities and he is no exception. Inappropriate behavior results in consequences. You can not shield him of this reality. Sure, it hurts. Your job, is to shield YOURSELF from the pain. Much of it will have to be by detaching...accepting the reality of the situation (but NOT living with it...putting up with abuse or inappropriate behavior). It is gooooood and right to set limits and boundaries. </p><p>Hoping that there will be change at some point in the future. LIVING your life as best as you can, even with this unfortunate 'stuff' in the background. Sending you strength/good thoughts/peace. You CAN do this.</p><p> </p><p>p.s. If you continue to feel great discomfort, don't hesitate to see a therapist you may have seen in the past for a little while, enter into therapy (probably short term is enough) or perhaps find a group. This is not an easy thing at all. (hugs)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 381123"] I believe not only do I understand how you feel, but have felt those feelings many many times...especially in the past. Even now, on occassion, these feelings pop up now and again and they hurt down to my core. I have developed tools and use my reasoning skills to push forward. It is a Godsend. Furthermore...read quickly, but what Fran said is what I often have said. His behavior is 'on him.' He is over 21, nes pas? What could you have done to have caused this? And if there were great difficulties when he was much younger, surely you have apologized and have offered him counseling. It is up to him to chose to accept your apology and to take any help offered. There are many good things out in the world available to him, including a healthy relationship with his parents. Each of us have to accept adult responsibilities and he is no exception. Inappropriate behavior results in consequences. You can not shield him of this reality. Sure, it hurts. Your job, is to shield YOURSELF from the pain. Much of it will have to be by detaching...accepting the reality of the situation (but NOT living with it...putting up with abuse or inappropriate behavior). It is gooooood and right to set limits and boundaries. Hoping that there will be change at some point in the future. LIVING your life as best as you can, even with this unfortunate 'stuff' in the background. Sending you strength/good thoughts/peace. You CAN do this. p.s. If you continue to feel great discomfort, don't hesitate to see a therapist you may have seen in the past for a little while, enter into therapy (probably short term is enough) or perhaps find a group. This is not an easy thing at all. (hugs) [/QUOTE]
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