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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 381124" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>It's good to "see" you, Barbara, but I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. The others have given wise advice on this one. We've all struggled with the "what did I do wrong" and "if only I'd done [insert PP phrase here]." To answer your question on how do I deal with the feelings? When those old feelings pop up, I remind myself of the good things I've done. I remind myself of all the time, money and emotional energy I spent trying to help my kids once I recognized their issues. I remind myself of kids/parents who have it much worse than I do. I re-read my codependency literature. I come here. I talk to my therapist. It's sort of like, "recovery" work in Al-anon or similar programs. There is no "recovery" from being the parent of a difficult child, it's a lifelong process, you just keep working at dealing with it. After awhile, the vile words still hurt, but they don't penetrate the armor and do damage quite as easily as they used to. I think as time goes on and they happen less frequently, though, the occasional burst of vileness stings in a different way. </p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 381124, member: 1157"] It's good to "see" you, Barbara, but I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. The others have given wise advice on this one. We've all struggled with the "what did I do wrong" and "if only I'd done [insert PP phrase here]." To answer your question on how do I deal with the feelings? When those old feelings pop up, I remind myself of the good things I've done. I remind myself of all the time, money and emotional energy I spent trying to help my kids once I recognized their issues. I remind myself of kids/parents who have it much worse than I do. I re-read my codependency literature. I come here. I talk to my therapist. It's sort of like, "recovery" work in Al-anon or similar programs. There is no "recovery" from being the parent of a difficult child, it's a lifelong process, you just keep working at dealing with it. After awhile, the vile words still hurt, but they don't penetrate the armor and do damage quite as easily as they used to. I think as time goes on and they happen less frequently, though, the occasional burst of vileness stings in a different way. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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