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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 151100" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>We haven't put difficult child out out yet. He doesn't live with us and hopefully he won't. He ***** the life out of the room and the family. He wants a life of his own. He just hasn't got it yet that there are a few things he has to do to get there. </p><p></p><p>The rule since he was 13 is "do to get". difficult child can get the life he wants but he has to do the basics. So far he hasn't mastered them and consequently he hasn't gotten the life he wanted. I don't know what his future will be but we are still hoping to not have him move home. I'm detached, just don't know if he can cut the umbilical and not drown. We aren't sure that he won't drown anyhow but we are trying to make sure we aren't pulling the rug out from under him. It's such a tightrope with adult difficult child's from enabling them to letting them drown to letting them learn from hard knocks. Some days I think I should let him learn from hard knocks and then some days I know he doesn't have the skills. </p><p></p><p>I guess detachment isn't enough to put one at ease. Detachment saves me from feeling too intensely and being paralyzed but it doesn't give me the answers that some seem to get. I think the answer for our difficult child is as individual as our difficult child's are and as individual as each of us are. I hope you find the answer that fit's you and your difficult child. I'm still working on it and lord knows difficult child is a work in progress.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 151100, member: 3"] We haven't put difficult child out out yet. He doesn't live with us and hopefully he won't. He ***** the life out of the room and the family. He wants a life of his own. He just hasn't got it yet that there are a few things he has to do to get there. The rule since he was 13 is "do to get". difficult child can get the life he wants but he has to do the basics. So far he hasn't mastered them and consequently he hasn't gotten the life he wanted. I don't know what his future will be but we are still hoping to not have him move home. I'm detached, just don't know if he can cut the umbilical and not drown. We aren't sure that he won't drown anyhow but we are trying to make sure we aren't pulling the rug out from under him. It's such a tightrope with adult difficult child's from enabling them to letting them drown to letting them learn from hard knocks. Some days I think I should let him learn from hard knocks and then some days I know he doesn't have the skills. I guess detachment isn't enough to put one at ease. Detachment saves me from feeling too intensely and being paralyzed but it doesn't give me the answers that some seem to get. I think the answer for our difficult child is as individual as our difficult child's are and as individual as each of us are. I hope you find the answer that fit's you and your difficult child. I'm still working on it and lord knows difficult child is a work in progress. [/QUOTE]
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