Need your wise opinions...think difficult child-A is up to something

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    and it's not good.

    difficult child-A is my squatter. He comes home to eat, do laundry or when he doesn't have a better offer.

    For months, I've been fighting with him to lock up the house when he leaves. He never does.... Then two weeks ago, he started locking up everything. Even put dowels in the slider so that it can't be opened. (Got a doggie slider door so you can't lock the slider). Also, he's been burning incense or candles in his room whenever he's home. So, I've gotten suspicious.

    Then, yesterday, when difficult child-A isn't home. Some kid shows up at my door saying that difficult child-A sent him over because he left a shirt in difficult child-A's room. Not an uncommon thing for things to be left in the room. Uncommon for a kid to show up without difficult child. So I let the kid in and he goes to difficult child-A's room and closes the door. Hmmmm....thinking that's not a good sign. Decide to go in and help the kid find the shirt. Scared the kid, he gets all nervous and quickly departs. Don't find anything in the room but don't like what was going on.

    Don't know what difficult child-A is up to. Do know that it is common practice among his friends to rob each other. Wondering if that is why suddenly difficult child-A is locking up everything. Don't know if the actions are drug related.

    What is your take on all of this. Should I be worried, concerned, or am I seeing trouble where there isn't any? (Really wishing husband was home right now....and he got extended out to July now. Four more months and we'll hit a year gone:()
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    We sure have to be on red alert with our difficult children, don't we? Sometimes it feels that everything has two or three possible meanings ... at least for me. If this were my difficult child (and I have no idea if this will work with yours), I'd mention casually "Hey X came to retrieve his shirt, but he didn't seem to find it. I tried to give him a hand". That way he knows X was there and that you went into his room. I'd also say "you've been remembering to lock the doors - thanks" (although not in connection with this - at another time. I'd be double checking the doors, too. Good luck.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I would read the situation as trouble until you know otherwise.
    If difficult child-A's friends are known to rob from each other, difficult child-A is taking pains to lock up the house, and his friend showed up without him and wanted to search his room? Sounds very suspicious to me.
    If it happens again, I would tell the friend to come back another time when difficult child-A is home. You have no obligation to let people into your home, and this sounds like it could lead to danger.

    It's a strange thing...we get so accustomed to difficult child behaviour that we become inured to things which would otherwise set off our radar instantly. Having one of difficult child's friends ask to come in and poke around in his room when difficult child isn't there? Not normal behaviour for typical teen or difficult child, in my view.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is another one of the reasons I am so glad Cory is gone. I hated that he brought so called friends in my house. One kid he brought over was a guy he met in jail and later we found out he beat someone half to death after he got out and is now in jail waiting on attempted murder charges! That stopped Cory from bringing people over he barely knew!

    Now on to your mess. I would be completely suspicious. Something is up. A is worried about something. Either he is doing something he isnt supposed to be doing or he has done something he wasnt supposed to be have done to someone else and he is worried they are going to come over. My first thought would be drugs. The candles and incense are a red flag.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O yes I'd be worried!

    If he is concerned enough to lock things up, it makes me think he is "expecting" someone to try and get in. That's why he must be doubly sure things are locked and secure. My guess is that a) he has something that does not belong to him--but the actual owner suspects he has it, b) he owes somebody money and fears they are coming to collect the money or other valuables, c) he is being targeted, d) he is selling drugs e) he is involved in some combination of things that make all of the above true.

    I'd be on high alert. Maybe it's time to install a security system? See what he thinks....
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I agree, I would also be worried. Drugs, whatever, it doesn't sit right with me at all. I would never EVER allow anyone of his so-called friends into the house or his room or to walk through your house to his room without another person being home so you can escort him or make sure difficult child is with him. I was so nervous reading your post! Cant' wait for your H to get home~
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Did you search his room? I mean really search it? All his favorite hiding places.

    I'd say he's got something that belongs to someone else and they want it bad enough to face you to get it. Not a good sign. My bet is drugs, but it could be something else. Fooling you with the I left my shirt behind didn't work.......they may be back and breaking in to get whatever it is next.

    If it were me, I'd search until I found it or until I was sure nothing was there to find. (difficult child may be carrying it) Then I'd tell him about the incident and watch for his reaction. Omitting the part of searching his room of course.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I think I would tell him that the suspicious visitors are not welcome and he better not have any "illegal" substances in your home...... the door will come off and spycams will be installed to protect your rights and possessions................ Give him two days and then remove his bedroom door...... let him wonder about the spycams................... put up signs on your property that cameras are in use and don't let any of his "friends" in the house..........
    Sorry you have to do this, but sounds like your "radar" is spot on.................
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Candles and incense mean he is using drugs in there. The sudden locking up means he either has a stash of drugs or he is using enough drugs to become paranoid. Likely both. The friend coming over was NOT a friend and NOT looking for a shirt. Was likely looking for the drugs or other contraband item that difficult child has stashed. If it isn't drugs it may be a large amt of money, a gun, or something else, but he has SOMETHING stashed, most likely.

    This is the kind of thing that gets houses broken into, and gets people hurt badly. You MUST search his room, including all places he may have stashed something. If you find something (when, most likely) you must not tell him, you must contact the police. He may have done something that gets him into more trouble than he can handle. we want to think if our kids are involved in drugs that it is just with other kids like him. Sadly that is NOT the drug business. Most often at least some of the people he is around are connected to a larger organization that is handling drugs. That means it is major danger. So when you find something turning to the police may be the only way to help him get out of the entire situation.

    It is also the natural consequence of stashing drugs at your parents. Parents call the cops. One more reason not to get involved with drugs.

    Search, search well, and if/when you find something, contact the proper authorities. Don't give him warnings. He already knows he is not supposed to use drugs or have them on your property. Taking his door off when he isn't home is also a good idea, as are spy cams. I wouldn't bluff about them. I would spend the money to get some decent ones and place them around the home, esp in and around his room and the garage.

    I am so sorry. maybe I am too suspicious, but I grew up knowing lots of cops and it really seems like he may have done something very dumb and maybe dangerous.