Needing a Shoulder Tonight

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, May 19, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've decided that things only happen in my family in groups, never singly.

    Tomorrow is Travis' next visit at the oncologist. I'm dreading it again. Partly because of her strange attitude last time, partly because, well h*ll just because this is serious stuff.

    He'll have another cbc ect done tomorrow. We'll have the results while still there. She'll be checking the wbc's too to see if it's changed from the odd way they were last time. She told us it was probably due to a virus he'd just gotten over, although he hadn't been sick for a few weeks.:rolleyes:

    I dunno how that'll turn out as last week Travis was once again very sick. And I do mean VERY sick.

    doctor made a big deal about us not taking him to fam doctor when he was sick this winter. Well, lady my last trip into fam doctor without insurance cost me 400.00....and I was WELL! And there isn't anything they'd do for flu like symptoms anyway except bill us and send him home. None of us had the money to run him into fam doctor everytime the boy didn't feel well. sheesh

    So I don't know if this will have an affect on that wbc count or not. I assume it will the way she talked the last time. So we may get stuck waiting again.

    Which I don't understand as many patients I know that have received leukemia dxes had gone to the doctor initially because they were so run down, exhausted and kept getting SICK. So I keep thinking there has to be a way for them to know the difference. A point I'm bringing up to her tomorrow.

    And now my easy child is falling apart. :pouting::capitulate:

    2 years ago she had a miscarriage after seeing the baby and hearing it's heartbeat on ultrasound. It was a very much wanted baby and very devistating for her. I worried at the time she wasn't dealing with it well. And I've worried for the past 2 yrs because she just couldn't seem to get past it and move on.

    I don't want to seem cold hearted. I've had 2 miscarriages myself, the last one at almost 5 months. So I know personally how devistating it can be. And true, easy child has always had my shoulder and ears when she needs them, but I've encouraged her to seek professional help when I realized she couldn't move past it.

    Instead she poured herself into work and school. She'd talk about it a little but never really dealt with the grief, anger, or pain. When the emotions began to get to her she'd push them away.

    I was stunned speechless last week when she came in and annouced that she had dropped her classes for this quarter. It was all she could do not to break down when she told me. And although she said it was due to her stress levels, I knew the miscarriage had something to do with it.

    Making it worse is the fact that she has been unable to conceive since she lost that baby. And she desperately wants another child. She has always dreamed of a very large family. And Darrin is 4 and she didn't want her kids spaced too far apart in age so she's feeling pressured. Doesn't help when Darrin keeps asking for a baby sister like Aubrey.:pouting:

    This past week she is unable to keep her emotions in check. She is over-reacting to minor things, either in anger or sobs. She called me tonight nearly hesterical. We talked for a long time. Even so, I told her that I don't think I'm qualified to help her with this. Yes, I've been there done that, but I'm afraid she isn't as open with me as she would be a therapist. Which being open and dealing with these pent up emotions ect is what she needs to do.

    For some odd reason her insurance doesn't cover mental health. She'd be paying out of pocket, so is reluctant. She finally admits to being depressed. (I've known it all this time) easy child wants a "happy pill" to fix the depression. I reminded her there is no such thing, and most anti-depressants can take up to a month to start working. I recommended again the therapist, even if she decides she needs the medications.

    I really don't feel qualified to be her "therapist". I'm more than happy to listen anytime she wants to open up to me. No problem. And she knows that I understand what she's going thru. But I don't know what to say to help her thru this. I told her with my worst one they were all in school. I'd spend my days sobbing in my room, pull it together when they were about to walk in the door, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other til I got thru it. The only thing I can see I did differently was that I allowed myself to feel the anger and the pain.

    Hurts me to see her in so much pain. And then on top of it she is as worried about her brother as I am.

    More prayers will be appreciated, for the both of them.

    I haven't told anyone that I am once again back in that "Just putting one foot in front of the other" stage again. I have days when I am literally doing just that. Then I have days when I want to walk thru the front door and never come back. And then there are the days when I want to crawl into a corner, curl up in a ball and sob until there is nothing left.

    And when it's bad like this, the one foot infront of the other gets me thru.

    God, I am so very very tired.

    Thanks for lending me your shoulder.

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    You have my shoulders and you have my ear.

    You're right in that you're not the best 'therapist' for easy child. You're too close to the situation. A therapist is objective which is needed. I hope she is able to find someone to help her work through this. Since she doesn't have insurance coverage for mental health (I thought the mental health parity law required mental health coverage for things like depression, anxiety, bipolar and schizophrenia - the Axis I diagnosis's - to be covered the same as physical health...have her talk to the benefits administrator at her job)...anyway, if it turns out she doesn't have coverage she can get in at the county mental health agency on a sliding scale. Some private therapists will work that way, too.

    I will burn a candle for Travis tonight. This is so scary. I can only imagine the worry and fear you are carrying.

    ((((((((((more hugs)))))))))
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'll add you all to my prayers. Many hugs to you.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Lisa, HUGS. I don't know what else I can say. You do need a shoulder to lean on...
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You have my shoulder to lean on, and my arms for a hug. You have my prayers. Seems you have all 3 kids to worry about right now. Sending you strength to get through it (and you WILL get through it, you know you will).

    So sorry for your hurt.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You are ALL in my prayers this evening.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You are the best.

    I'm going to try to get some sleep now. I have an early class before Travis' appointment.

  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Lisa}} Sending hugs for these heavy duty loads you're carrying. It's a lot. Try and take a moment to be alone with yourself too, k? More hugs and prayers coming your way~
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh Lisa, I am so sorry.
    Let us know how the appointment goes.
  10. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Hugs Lisa...

  11. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    You're in my thoughts. Sometimes we're much stronger then we think we are even when we are on our last ounce. We're survivors. It's tough for you, we can hear that and see that. Hang in there, we're here for you.

    Here is another thought for your daughter for you to toss out to her. Since she doesn't have insurance to cover a therapist (whether she ends up going or not this is a good idea). There are many support groups out there for people who have suffered miscarriages. Have her look around in your area, in the phone book's beginning usually there is usually some listing or a main listing to a contact for a group that has a "list" of group contacts. Also, hospital's almost always have listings/contacts through their social worker outreach person and last but not least, there is online. Many sources of networks of support groups and lists online where she can at least talk with others who have been there done that on her level that can perhaps help her work through this.
  12. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Sorry coming in on this late. Cyber hugs to you and your family. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs (I understand COMPLETELY the no insurance thing).

    Looking forward to an update.

  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Just coming in now Lisa. I hope that you and Travis and Melissa will be well. I'd like to suggest that she see her OB/GYN for her regular exam and discuss these feelings she is having. He or she will be able to point her in the right direction as far as at least a support group, or a sliding scale therapist. She shouldn't let this go.

    {{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}]
  14. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Sorry I'm so late reading this!!! I read the update on Travis before finding this post. I've added your easy child to my thoughts and prayers too... WFEN
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just saw this-sorry I'm so late. I've been praying for Travis daily-have to check out the update I missed that too-I'll add easy child to my prayer list too. Hugs.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, I saw the other thread on Travis. I just wanted to see if everything else had calmed down. It was certainly piling up on you and your family. It's going to be a journey and I'm happy to send more strength and rattle more beads all along the way.