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needing help/advice for the holidays
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<blockquote data-quote="anxiety25" data-source="post: 6408" data-attributes="member: 3244"><p>Well, the thing is, it's not my son, lol... it's my cousin's son who is violent. I'm very on top of mine-if I hear any strange noises I'm jumping up to see what's going on, lol. Mine isn't violent at all. The problem is we are tied for a 3 day weekend to stay there... the fam all comes out (with the violent kiddo) and then goes home, then we stay the night to go pick out a Christmas tree the next day with granny. Our other option is, if it gets too bad, mom is thinking of just telling them to go home if they don't begin controlling their child-and since they won't check into what is going on with him, the only other option is someone supervising at all times (though they tend to ignore most of his behavior even supervising). It's an odd situation-as I have not made it to a family get-together for 4-5 years now, this will be my first Thanksgiving back with the whole family... and I know that I can always leave (hey, wal-mart's open 24 hours a day) for an hour or so if they will not control their child... but are there any tips anyone has that I might be able to try if her child does get out of control? I don't want to seem nosy, and am afraid of going off on her royally for not paying attention to what is going on with him-it's very obvious there's something up. Besides normal behavior for him, he also will not look anyone in the eye, and if he does look you in the eye, he "blanks out" or appears to, then goes back to playing... or in his case, hitting people and destroying things. It still amazes me that she is so clueless to this and she lives with him 24/7... I see him maybe 3 times a year and can pinpoint this stuff right away. Maybe a "survival" kit of some sorts to give him something to do to keep him under control so he isn't hurting my children or breaking my son's toys for 3-4 hours... I keep trying to remember, as long as I'm on top of it, it can't get too bad right? ...and no one judges her by his behavior, it's just the lack of activity on her part and awareness that bothers us... at least we can say it's just a 3-4 hour visit, and we know what we are in for when they arrive, it would be nice just to be a bit more prepared, lol, and maybe have a back-up plan, or something to work with him with one on one... my ex's son was very violent unless he was getting a lot of one on one at times, so I'm wondering if maybe I should bring something specific just to sit down with him and work on when/if he gets out of control. It would feel odd as it's not my child and almost feels like overstepping in a sense, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot regardless-if that's what he needs, someone's gotta do it, and maybe she will notice if someone does something that calms him down... gah, sorry I'm blabbing so much about this, it's just a rough situation, lol. I don't expect anyone to understand why we are going, I just keep reminding myself it's only for a few hours and then they'll go home and we can go back to our calm environment, lol. My son is wild at times, but NEVER violent-his is just kind of impulsive yelling of silly stuff... over and over and over for half an hour then he stops all of a sudden, lol. But his is easy to keep under control because he can get absorbed into things easily, and his only violent tendencies are accidental-he's running or jumping like a madman, doesn't see what is goin on and plows into his sister, remorseful afterwards and he stops jumping after it also.</p><p></p><p>Just not sure what to do with a child who isn't mine who has violent tendencies... and I don't wanna leave out-we fully understand when children are just out of control and can't be predicted, but in most situations you can tell the parents are stressed about it, etc., and try to act on it quickly-they show concern. My cousin just kind of... stands there and chit chats with people while this is going on... you actually have to tell her sometimes "hey, your kid just poked your baby in the eye with his finger, that's why she's crying" to make her realize it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="anxiety25, post: 6408, member: 3244"] Well, the thing is, it's not my son, lol... it's my cousin's son who is violent. I'm very on top of mine-if I hear any strange noises I'm jumping up to see what's going on, lol. Mine isn't violent at all. The problem is we are tied for a 3 day weekend to stay there... the fam all comes out (with the violent kiddo) and then goes home, then we stay the night to go pick out a Christmas tree the next day with granny. Our other option is, if it gets too bad, mom is thinking of just telling them to go home if they don't begin controlling their child-and since they won't check into what is going on with him, the only other option is someone supervising at all times (though they tend to ignore most of his behavior even supervising). It's an odd situation-as I have not made it to a family get-together for 4-5 years now, this will be my first Thanksgiving back with the whole family... and I know that I can always leave (hey, wal-mart's open 24 hours a day) for an hour or so if they will not control their child... but are there any tips anyone has that I might be able to try if her child does get out of control? I don't want to seem nosy, and am afraid of going off on her royally for not paying attention to what is going on with him-it's very obvious there's something up. Besides normal behavior for him, he also will not look anyone in the eye, and if he does look you in the eye, he "blanks out" or appears to, then goes back to playing... or in his case, hitting people and destroying things. It still amazes me that she is so clueless to this and she lives with him 24/7... I see him maybe 3 times a year and can pinpoint this stuff right away. Maybe a "survival" kit of some sorts to give him something to do to keep him under control so he isn't hurting my children or breaking my son's toys for 3-4 hours... I keep trying to remember, as long as I'm on top of it, it can't get too bad right? ...and no one judges her by his behavior, it's just the lack of activity on her part and awareness that bothers us... at least we can say it's just a 3-4 hour visit, and we know what we are in for when they arrive, it would be nice just to be a bit more prepared, lol, and maybe have a back-up plan, or something to work with him with one on one... my ex's son was very violent unless he was getting a lot of one on one at times, so I'm wondering if maybe I should bring something specific just to sit down with him and work on when/if he gets out of control. It would feel odd as it's not my child and almost feels like overstepping in a sense, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot regardless-if that's what he needs, someone's gotta do it, and maybe she will notice if someone does something that calms him down... gah, sorry I'm blabbing so much about this, it's just a rough situation, lol. I don't expect anyone to understand why we are going, I just keep reminding myself it's only for a few hours and then they'll go home and we can go back to our calm environment, lol. My son is wild at times, but NEVER violent-his is just kind of impulsive yelling of silly stuff... over and over and over for half an hour then he stops all of a sudden, lol. But his is easy to keep under control because he can get absorbed into things easily, and his only violent tendencies are accidental-he's running or jumping like a madman, doesn't see what is goin on and plows into his sister, remorseful afterwards and he stops jumping after it also. Just not sure what to do with a child who isn't mine who has violent tendencies... and I don't wanna leave out-we fully understand when children are just out of control and can't be predicted, but in most situations you can tell the parents are stressed about it, etc., and try to act on it quickly-they show concern. My cousin just kind of... stands there and chit chats with people while this is going on... you actually have to tell her sometimes "hey, your kid just poked your baby in the eye with his finger, that's why she's crying" to make her realize it. [/QUOTE]
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