Needing Opinions?

[dstc_99]

Ok so you all know that my parents and I are not really speaking and that things are really tense between them, us, and difficult child right now. Basically we are attending the end of the Senior year events (prom and graduation) so that we wont regret having missed them and so that difficult child can't hold it against us that we didn't show up. My parents are trying to get us to spend time with them during the events but I honestly am not interested. We have booked a hotel room for graduation night and don't intend to spend any time with them. Personally if I don't have to I don't even want to sit by them I would rather enjoy the night without stress or the possibility of a fight. I spent less than 15 minutes with them on prom night and mom threw out her usual "I am such a horrible mother" accompanied by tears none the less. I just told her to cut it out, ignored her, and then went on my merry way. Seriously! You have my kid and have no problem supporting her hatred of me and you want my sympathy?

During that 15 minutes she also mentioned another family vacation that my brother was supposedly planning. We are due to move soon so funds are tight plus I can't imagine three days in a cabin in the woods with them being enjoyable. On the other hand I do miss my brother and we are moving to the other side of the country. It is also one of the last times we will get to spend time with difficult child until Christmas. So I am waffling just a little.......

It's important for easy child to have contact and time with all of them regardless of my issues. Would it be wrong for me to have husband and I stay in a seperate place for down time?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Wrong to have "your own space" as in... a separate cabin or something?
Seriously?
I would never ever consider a vacation with absolutely anybody but my core nuclear family (me, husband and the kids... and the kids only count until they leave home) and be in shared accommodations. Even under the BEST circumstances we need down-time. Anybody who says they don't is either crazy or so past feeling they don't notice.

If you're prepared to show up at ALL you're being very generous. If that gives you (and easy child) something back for the effort, I'd definitely go that far... but separate accommodations is NOT too much to ask, EVER.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

We went on vacation once with husband's parents and his sister's family. I love these people to death!!! And while I would vacation with them again, and have, we will always have our own space. The one time we all stayed in the same house was torture....

 

[Dixies_fire]

Um we are on good terms with my in laws and prefer to have separate accomidations

 

[BusynMember]

I think you should be seperate and unless easy child wants to, see no reason to push your parents on her when they are so unpleasant. Enjoy yourself and don't let your dysfunctional parents ruin your special moments.

 

[dstc_99]

Thanks guys! We have done several family vacations together and while they have always gone well I wind up doing the majority of the cooking and cleaning and things like that. Plus my mother has so many limitations we usually wind up not being able to do things we want to do. For years my family and husband's family have expected us to spend our vacation days at their homes during Christmas or holidays and have suggested family vacations during spring break or summer. None of them seem to realize that I get a limited number of vacation days a year and when dealing with being an Army wife i tend to blow those on dr appts for difficult child and easy child. I can't remember the last time I was able to take a week of paid vacation. Honestly I can say I don't think I have ever had one the only times I have taken a week have been between jobs or when the military moves us. As for family vacations with husband and the kids I think we took one several years ago back when difficult child was in 7th grade.

I was really considering staying separate and meeting them for specific activities so that we could do some of the things we want as well as spend the obligatory time with them. I don't want easy child to feel like she has to stay with us or that she has to stay with them I want her to make that decision. If I were a kid I know I would have rather stayed with my sister and my cool uncle and my grands than spend the nights in a hotel with my parents. LOL

I think I will call my brother and tell him to plan the trip for them and that we will come but stay in a separate location.

 

[Hound dog]

I would definitely have separate accommodations even if I got along just fine with them.

Feels weird staying at my mom's house.......and we get along these days lol