Needing some 3 year old guidance

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by indianbrt, Oct 24, 2008.

  1. indianbrt

    indianbrt Mother of one bear child!

    Hi everyone, I am new to this website and from what I've read I'm thinking I'm in the right place for the problems my son and I are having in our home. I am a single mother of a 3 year old boy, who is the love and light of my life.....I went back to work when he was 2 months old and he's been in daycare regularly ever since. I always noticed that he was a hyper child, and seemed to be a little more so than some of the other kids that he was in daycare with but didn't think too much of it. He spent the first year and a half in private daycares (3 actually, he was never kicked out of any we just had to change for one reason or another) and then started at an actual center. Once he started with the center they were telling me that they couldn't get him to sit for any length of time, he was disruptive to the other children (running around the room, etc) and they couldn't control his behavior (at this point he had not been violent though). I spoke with the director of the daycare and the teachers and gave them some hints on what I did at home (not chasing him when he ran, not letting him get away with something he knew was wrong, etc) and I heard no more about it. They did say though that if he wouldn't sit in circle time they would carry him around with them to get their work done or help other kids, but whatever. Well just recently things have elevated drastically. My son and I just moved out of my mom’s house, and he had to change daycares as well when we did move. And at the new daycare came big problems, in the first week he sent another little boy to the ER to get stitches in his head because he hit him with a toy truck (the teacher said it was unprovoked, but I can't be sure) then when his teacher leaves in the afternoon or is out sick he gets into trouble for running away from the other teachers, trying to leave out of the building, hitting other kids, throwing toys at kids/teachers, biting, pulling hair, trying to stab a kid with a fork, etc. At home his behavior is never this violent, the worst he does usually is not listening when at a restaurant and you have to tell him constantly to sit down and eat his dinner and he ignores you and/or rolls his eyes at you and continues doing what he was doing or in a parking lot if he decides he doesn't want to leave so he takes off running (pretty scary thing actually). I'm at a total loss here as to what is going on, my mom tells me she has no answers for me because his behavior is worse than mine or my siblings ever were at his age and the daycare is looking to me for answers when I have none. I try telling him that these things are not acceptable, that mommy does not like it when he acts this way, etc. He gets privileges taken away; he gets time outs, etc. When he acts well I always tell him how proud I am of him and that it’s great when he is a good boy and he gets some kind of special treat (just trying to let him know that this is the behavior I'm looking for) but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. Can anyone help shed some light as to what is going on here and what I might be doing differently? I DO NOT want to medicate him at such a young age but want to try and stop this now before it gets any worse....please help!
     
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi indianbrt, and welcome.

    Some kids simply do better in smaller settings such as home and private day cares, and don't do as well in larger settings. If that's the only thing going on and you have the option to stay home with him, sometimes you can give the child more time to develop before going into those settings. But if your daycare/school options are limited, you might need to do some homework and think through where you want to go with this.

    I think at least you should have him evaluated by the school district to see if he would qualify for early intervention. It's free preschool (and therapy if needed) and a really good option for kids who are struggling with group settings elsewhere.

    Do you think he'd do better in a smaller private daycare, and if so, is that an option for you?
    Does your son seem to get overwhelmed or charged up by the activity around him--groups of kids, noise, lights, etc?
    Is there any history of mental health issues in the family-bipolar, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, etc?
    Is there anything else in his developmental history--speech delay (or very advanced speech), feeding problems, etc?

    Hang in there--we'll see if we can't get you some help.
     
  3. overwhelmedmama

    overwhelmedmama New Member

    Hi, Indainbrt, and welcome. I'm new, too. My son is 9 and has ADHD. Thusfar that's the diagnosis we're sure of, anyway. When he was 1 he was in a center daycare and it was a consistently horrible experience. The teacher suggested he might do better at a small home daycare and I switched him to one recommended by friends. Though this did not solve all his problems, it did resolve lots of the major behaviors. When we had to switch providers, we went to another small home daycare setting at which he continued to be successful. Best of luck - there will be better days ahead.
    "Overwhelmedmama"
     
  4. indianbrt

    indianbrt Mother of one bear child!

    Thank you for starting to try and help me with this situation. He was in a private daycare before I started him in the center he was at before and then the one he's in now. He started his "misbehaving" and acting out at the last private daycare he was at, that's one of the reasons I changed to a daycare center so that there would be other people around for assistance, witnesses (wasn't sure what was going on) disciplining, etc. And at the first center he was at I was told that he was a lot more hyper active than the 3 year olds they were used to dealing with and I tried to help him and the teachers through that but it wasn't until he switched to the daycare center he's at now that he started having violent outbursts. I'm not sure it's the smaller setting though because he was at my friends house this weekend while I had to work and he loves her and her kids and he slapped her in the face for no particular reason (he had been told to stop doing something but then waited a few minutes before he slapped her so I think the two are unrelated). He does seem to get charged up by what is going on around him, but then again he gets charged up even if there isn't a lot going on around him. There is history of mental health issues on my mom's side of the family, her father and 3 sisters were all diagnosed with bi-polar (she was the only one who didn't seem to have the symptoms) other than that I'm not sure of any other mental health issues, there is no substance abuse though I guarantee that. He did have to have speech therapy and cognitive therapy done by the county until he turned 3, he was discharged from the program and I was told that he was now where he needed to be on all levels so they did not suggest I continue his therapy with the school district as it wasn't necessary. Thank you again for helping, I just feel at such a loss. I'm trying my best and he really is a sweet hearted kid he just gets going and something happens and a fit of rage or something explodes.....he can't even tell me why he does it and it's just incredibly heartbreaking to think I'm failing him by not being able to help him control his outbursts and his emotions. But thanks again.....hopefully I've provided enough background information here for y'all to help me figure something out. :2dissapointed:
     
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