Neighbor child defecated in my yard

[TiredSoul]

OK the neighbor boy is 9 years old and in 4th grade (I believe). He comes over and mostly plays with my 6 yr old. The boy has some issues although I am unsure what they are specifically. He noticeably has a speech articulation problem and his level of maturity is usually lower than my 6 yr old's.

I notice when he comes over he uses the bathroom a lot. Like probably 2-4 times in a couple hours. He has peed in our yard which I have told him not to do.

Today he was playing outside with Bug and I was sitting in my lawn chair. difficult child was inside playing with his friend and they had locked the front door. The boy was trying to open the door because he said he had to go to the bathroom. I told him I didn't have my keys and to go to his house (across the street and 2 houses over). Next thing I know difficult child and his friend are freaking out because they saw the boy defecating on the side of our house in the back yard! What on earth??! Not to he gross but the boys said it was HUGE. The boy's response after we found out was "well I had to go somewhere".

What could be the reason for this? I was horrified!

 

[Bunny]

I would speak to the mother and explain to her that you told him to go home and use the bathroom, but he chose to poop in your yard instead. Whatever this boy's problems are, the mom needs to know that this behavior will not be tolerated when he comes over. Be kind, be gentle because as the mom of a difficult child you know how hard it can be.

 

[DDD]

I think Bunny is coorect. by the way when I was raising my three first borns our yard was "the" place to play. It soon become apparent that bathroom breaks were a problem....I had too many kids going into the house and no way to oversee the inside of the house and the yard. SO, weird as it was, I would announce every thirty minutes or so "bathroom time!" "anyone who needs the bathroom or wants to wash their hands head to YOUR house" "See you back in a little while!"

In my case I didn't anticipate any potty breaks out in the yard but I didn't want (1) a row of kids using the bathroom that I had a hard time keeping clean anyway and (2) I didn't want "sticky fingers" in my house unobserved and (3) I always feared that would be a game of "Doctor" or some such activity if out of my view.

It didn't take long for the kids to adapt to the strange "new normal". LOL DDD

 

[TiredSoul]

I like the idea of scheduled potty breaks at their homes.

From what I understand this boy lives with his Dad at his grandparents house. My boys told me his mother is in jail. I have never seen a mom.

I feel bad for him but like I said I was really freaked out by this. I made him go home and get a shovel and take it to his house. I talked to the other boys and told them they are not allowed to talk about this in front of the other boy. For some reason he refuses to go home and use the bathroom. I would feel weird about talking to his dad or grandparents. Ugggh.

 

[InsaneCdn]

For some reason he refuses to go home and use the bathroom.

To me, that's a red flag.
There may be something about that home that has him in knots about using the washroom... so he holds it and holds it, until he can go somewhere else.
The frequency, though... could be a bowel problem (IBS or other related problems). In which case, his caregivers may not know what to do, he may not have seen a doctor about it, etc.

Touchy subject, yes. It may be a medical problem... or it may be a parenting problem.

 

[DDD]

Has this happened often? How do you know that he "refuses to go home...". If it is a pattern of behavior then I think you have no choice other than to speak (or your husband ? speak) to his Dad or grandparent. If it happened this once I likely would speak to the boy one on one and explain that "sometimes" accidents happen ONCE but if he is having a pattern of urgency when not at his home....then his family must be informed to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with him.

I don't envy you. It's amazing how many weird things happen in a neighborhood of kids. Hugs DDD

 

[TiredSoul]

DDD,
He has only pooped in my yard this one time. He has peed before in the yard but I told him not to and I don't think he has since. He usually uses our toilet (a lot) but this time the front door was locked so I told him to go home and use his toilet. I have told him several times before when they are outside for him to go home to use his bathroom but he never does. He will just walk in my house and use our's.

 

[Dixies_fire]

I'm thinking his grandparents and or dad might make him stay home if he goes home.
Or a no in and out the door policy or some such and have carried it too far at least in the child's mind that he won't go home to potty.

I would hate for someone to assume I am a horrible parent over some of the stranger things my kid probably does. But I would not talk to the grand parents or dad about it but I might make an effort to meet them and feel them out. If you show up there to tell on him he might get hurt not just in trouble or talked to.

 

[BusynMember]

When Sonic was really young and didn't want to interrupt his fun, he would pee outside even after being told to come in and do it. He wasn't afraid to come in. He was just so impulsive. Of course, that stopped.

I'm thinking this boy has some disorders that we are probably familiar with and maybe the thought of crossing the street to the use the bathroom was "too hard, too far, interrupts my fun." This does not sound like your typical kid and because I always dislike when people assume any behavior problem is the parent's fault, I have no feeling of that at all. This child just seems like he is wired differently and we all know the embarassment our differently wired kids can cause us! And how they can have no shame over things typical kids would die rather than do.

 

[donna723]

Are you sure that the boy could get in to his own home to use the bathroom if he needed to? People do some very strange things ...you never know!

Years ago when my daughter was 6-7 years old we lived in an apartment complex with lots of small kids there. There were two little girls, sisters, that were at our house to play a lot. One was about the same age as my daughter, the other one a year or two younger. Wasn't long before they would ask me for a drink of water if they got hot playing instead of going home to get it, or to come in to cool off if it was hot outside, or sometimes to use the bathroom. These were very nice little kids, always polite, and seemed almost apologetic if they asked me for anything. From talking to them I learned that they lived with their mom, a baby brother, and the mothers boyfriend. And finally one day the older one let it slip that their "mother" actually locked them out during the day! And the way she said it, I believed her! They were turned out to play and weren't allowed back in until dinner time. And I guess this "mother" just assumed that the neighbors would look after her children! And more than once, they couldn't get back in at dinner time ... I just set two more places and they had dinner with us. It's hard to believe that anyone would do this but obviously this lady did! This was right before we moved and I worried about those two for a very long time afterwards.

 

[DammitJanet]

Donna...our kids are about the same age right? That happened to me too!

We lived in an apt complex and one woman would send her two little kids, girl and boy, out in the morning and then lock the door. They were Billy and Jamie's ages so that would have been 5 and 2. The boy was the older one and his name was Nathan but I dont remember the little girl's name. I will always remember the mom though...Marsha. She first tried to come on to Tony but he was so scared of her it was funny...lol. She was extremely overt. Looking back I think she was manic. It turns out she got hooked on cocaine and started having sex with the 15 year old boy who lived next door to her. Marsha lost a whole lot of weight when she was doing all that coke and my mom suggested I do whatever she was doing to lose weight. No thanks!

But like Donna, we always had those kids in the house because they couldnt go home because mom was either high or porking the neighbor boy. Other neighbors were too. It was hard for me because in the middle of all this I gave birth to Cory!

 

[donna723]

Oh Janet, I felt so sorry for those kids! They were just pitiful! I don't know what was going on in their house and never really did find out. The older girl had a bad and obviously untreated problem with one of her eyes. When she'd talk to me, her right eye would be looking directly at me but her left eye would twitch back and forth rapidly. One night when they were having dinner with us, she spilled a glass of milk and was so embarassed. She put her head down and said, I'm sorry. Sometimes I don't see so good." I just wanted to cry for that poor kid! Looking back, I probably should have called CPS. This was right before we moved from Florida to Tennessee. I was friendly with the apartment manager and was asking her about the family. She was going to talk to the mother and keep an eye on the situation and report it if necessary. I sitll think about those kids sometimes and wonder whatever happened to them.

 

[susiestar]

You need to meet the family. I would not assume the parents are at fault, or grands or whomever, but I would start sending the boy home to use the bathroom and NOT allow him into your home. I am uncomfortable when a child ust walks in and makes himself/herself at home. It si one thing for a child who is here all the time, but a casual friend who clearly has someissues? Part of the problem is making sure that his family doesn't get ether the wrong idea about YOU or start to use you as unasked babystting. The family needs to know what he is doing, wouldn't you want to if it was your kid? If there is something wrong at home, you can deal with it then. If the family refuses to admit it happened, then I would start to worry. I would watch and if the scheduled bathroom breaks at home are not followed, then you may have to do something else.

I would say that if it happens again then soemthing is likely quite wrong. either with himr the family, but if it keeps happening you have to think about other steps.

I grew up ith a younger girl who would pee or poo on someone's property if she got mad. Her family kept saying it didn't happen until one day I asked her dad to come iwth me and he saw her climbing off of a friend's mom's car hood after leaving a pile on the hood. She didn't get to go play for quite a while and they were the first adults I knew to go take parenting classes after that. She now would be considered autistic probably, but back then it was just 'off'.