The mood disorder stuff often goes hand in hand with anything Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Frankly, having to live with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) would make ANYONE depressed, especially if people around 9such as teachers, other kids, family) don't understand.
What I mean by this - while medications can help, the condition can also improve as his own attitude to himself and his diagnosis adapts. So don't see it as a permanent problem (the mood disorder stuff).
Example - the day that my younger three kids were diagnosed (all with ADHD plus difficult child 3 autistic; difficult child 1 Aspie; easy child 2/difficult child 2 Aspie-lite) we left the doctor's office and hadn't even turned the corner of the street before my mobile phone rang and it was my specialist, telling me that the hospital bed they'd been trying for me, for several weeks, had finally become available. "Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, get to hospital NOW."
While in the hospital (the next day, in fact), I was visited by the psychiatry team and assessed as to my mood state. Considering the shock I was in over the kids' diagnosis's, plus having to handle it while in hospital when all I wanted was to be home with the family and especially supporting husband (who was also in shock) - yes, I was depressed. The shrinks diagnosed me with "dysthymia". I offered to rearrange the shrink's GI tract for him.
I understand why he made that diagnosis, but he didn't take the situation into account. As for me and my mood state - once I was able to begin putting strategies in place and getting paperwork filled in to get help for the kids, I was able to lift my mood.
A psychologist I knew personally (and who knew me) who was also part of the multidiscplinary team, said to me, "I know you. Those idiots are wrong. Of course you're depressed right now, you have every reason tyo be. But you're handling things exactly right, you will be fine."
What you need to atch for - teens get depressed often. A teen with more difficulties than most, will be likely to have more mood issues than most. We are complex creatures, a product of both our environment and our make-up. And out make-up is a product of our environment also. The environment is influenced in turn by our responses.
You do what you can. You do what works. Trust your insticnts, trust yourself and keep an open mind on everything.
However, now you have a label which you can use to get the right sort of official help for your child.
Go for it.
As for what you do from here yourselves, at home -
1) Read "Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It really helps. With discipline especially. Reward works much better. There wiull be times when you will think, "I am crazy to be doing things this way," but you will find an improvement in everybody's mood as well as his behaviour. There will still be times when you want to shake huim until his teeth rattle, but remind yourself tat he is generally NOT meaning to be deliberately insolent. They just don't know any better, despite all your teaching. We are too used to children learning social skills naturally as they grow. Our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids' brains simply won't learn something until they are ready to. If you try to force teaching something before they can comprehend, it is all wasted effort. It's like trying to teach the finer appreciation of Shakespeare or abstract art to a five year old. Maybe when that child is in their 20s, they will finally have a chance to begin to comprehend. But before then all you will do is teach the child to hate it.
2) Keep your son stimulated. Surround him with the things he enjoys and is obsessed by. Then try to use these things to extend him (as much as he can handle). Keem him challenged, jsut a little, all the time. Stop BEFORE it's a problem, but never back off too far or he will get into a rut of complacency.
Example - we travelled to New Zealand two years ago, with easy child & SIL1. SIL1 developed a 'thing' with difficult child 3, who is VERY fussy about food. difficult child 3 has been very rigid about what he will eat and what he refuses to try. We have challenged this but often find outselves falling back onto what we know he will eat. However, while travelling an important part of the experience for us is trying the local produce.
So SIL1 said to difficult child 3, "You need to have a taste. You don't have to have any more than that, but I also want you to tell me if you like it, and why. If you don't like it, you need to tell me why not. Tell me one good thing about it and one not good thing about it."
So we did this where we travelled. We would give difficult child 3 tastes off our plates. I didn't push it too far because there are patterns to what difficult child 3 won't eat - he hates creamy textures and certain food (such as spinach) we also avoided. But otherwise - he had to taste things and talk to us about the experience.
Every challenge faced and survived, is a positive experience. And the eventual payoff may take years, but it is worth it.
At easy child 2'difficult child 2's wedding last Friday, we had difficult child 3 sitting away from us as parents (for the first time) and at one point I walked over to see how he was getting on. He was slow in eating his dinner but clearly polishing it off. He said to me, "I just ate the chicken with mushroom sauce and I am surprised to say, I like it." As he said this he was finishing off a large piece of roast kumara (orange sweet potato) which in NZ he had emphatically said he didn't like AT ALL.
We were talking about this today with his therapist - difficult child 3 now says, "I can see that my tastes have changed. I wonder what else I will now like?"
With discipline, you use what works and forget the rest. Always be ready to adapt to his increasing maturity, but you need to be really in touch with where he is at, rather than pushing him to be where he is not yet ready. And if people say to you, "You shouldn't still be doing all this for him, not at his age," tell them that for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids (Aspies & autistics) the calendar simply doesn't count.
Learn to be strong. Your child needs you to be his advocate for a lot longer, but along the road your child will be ready to be independent in other areas of his life, often surprisingly. For example - we worry about difficult child 3 bewing able to get himself home by public transport, but for some years now he has been earning money troubleshooting other people's computers. And at his sister's wedding last weke, the photographer handed him a $2000 camera and invited him to take what photos he wanted. When the photographer saw the results he has promised to pay him, and also offered difficult child 3 some work experience.
Our kids surprise us. This is where you will begin to discover the joy in your son. There is room for a lot of it. It may take you some time to begin to recognise it, but it is still there, waiting for you to get over your shock and grief.
Marg
