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Family of Origin
Never disinherit your kid
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 691343" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I did talk to my mother, Cop a. I called her and sent her loving cards and told her I loved her. She didn't love me back, but I tried. I'm almost sorry I was so foolish. Even so I wasn't surprised that she disinherited me, but it still hurt.</p><p></p><p>You don't know Gone boy. He won't be hurt. He can have my love now. I am here. But ten years of estrangement is not what children do. Seriously, I tried it all to reconcile, I'm over it now and I am done. In my mind, he is not my son and probably never felt he was. Heck, he has his birth mother and her family on his Facebook. That was his first mother and, in his mind, his only mother.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sure he is not my son, except legally, that if I had one child only who disregarded me like he did, I'd donate the will to the humane society. You don't know the whole story (sigh). I never posted it here. I have posted it on estranged parent sites and it tires me out.</p><p></p><p>If he wants to be my son, he knows where I am, but I'm sure I will never see him again or ever know his kids. His oldest is eight.</p><p></p><p>I guess I should have clarified that if your adult child disowned you, I feel it's ok to leave them out of your will because they won't be hurt.</p><p></p><p>Or maybe I'm a hypocrite for writing this thread at all, but large blocks of time go by now when I forget about Gone boy. I wasn't thinking about him when I wrote this. It wasn't easy to grieve him and get here, but here I am. I actually rarely think of him anymore.</p><p></p><p>To me, a family is who loves you and who you love back, not due to DNA or adoption. I don't agree with the usual definition of the word. Was my mother my must their? She gave birth to me, but I don't feel like she cared about me...so it all depends on ones definition. My grandmother and my mother in law were more a mother to me than she ever was to me. It gets old being disowned, I can tell you.</p><p></p><p>back to the thread. So...if you throw Gone Boy into the equation, this thread is a fraud because he to me, and in every important way, he is a stranger to me. I loved the child he was and himself up until he met his wife and disappeared. And cut Princess, Sonic, Jumper and Bart out too. Now I can't love him...how can I love somebody I don't know? What is a son? What does a son act like? He is a don on legal paper only, not in deed, and he knows I didn't want it this way. He knew.</p><p></p><p>The horrible lies he told his wife about me got her on board. That's for another day.</p><p></p><p>I am done with him. Enough abuse. Of myself, my husband and my kids who act like my kids.</p><p></p><p>This is very emotional to me and I rarely go into detail here as there are more appropriate forums. Unless this happens to somebody...a grown kid totally disappears...it is hard for the other person to understand. I can't even totally share it here because although many people are unhappy with their kids, they have a relationship with them. I would not leave a child out of my will that I had any relationship with. But l..</p><p></p><p>I'm done. I am no longer feeling the pain. And there is no relationship. None. Honestly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 691343, member: 1550"] I did talk to my mother, Cop a. I called her and sent her loving cards and told her I loved her. She didn't love me back, but I tried. I'm almost sorry I was so foolish. Even so I wasn't surprised that she disinherited me, but it still hurt. You don't know Gone boy. He won't be hurt. He can have my love now. I am here. But ten years of estrangement is not what children do. Seriously, I tried it all to reconcile, I'm over it now and I am done. In my mind, he is not my son and probably never felt he was. Heck, he has his birth mother and her family on his Facebook. That was his first mother and, in his mind, his only mother. I'm so sure he is not my son, except legally, that if I had one child only who disregarded me like he did, I'd donate the will to the humane society. You don't know the whole story (sigh). I never posted it here. I have posted it on estranged parent sites and it tires me out. If he wants to be my son, he knows where I am, but I'm sure I will never see him again or ever know his kids. His oldest is eight. I guess I should have clarified that if your adult child disowned you, I feel it's ok to leave them out of your will because they won't be hurt. Or maybe I'm a hypocrite for writing this thread at all, but large blocks of time go by now when I forget about Gone boy. I wasn't thinking about him when I wrote this. It wasn't easy to grieve him and get here, but here I am. I actually rarely think of him anymore. To me, a family is who loves you and who you love back, not due to DNA or adoption. I don't agree with the usual definition of the word. Was my mother my must their? She gave birth to me, but I don't feel like she cared about me...so it all depends on ones definition. My grandmother and my mother in law were more a mother to me than she ever was to me. It gets old being disowned, I can tell you. back to the thread. So...if you throw Gone Boy into the equation, this thread is a fraud because he to me, and in every important way, he is a stranger to me. I loved the child he was and himself up until he met his wife and disappeared. And cut Princess, Sonic, Jumper and Bart out too. Now I can't love him...how can I love somebody I don't know? What is a son? What does a son act like? He is a don on legal paper only, not in deed, and he knows I didn't want it this way. He knew. The horrible lies he told his wife about me got her on board. That's for another day. I am done with him. Enough abuse. Of myself, my husband and my kids who act like my kids. This is very emotional to me and I rarely go into detail here as there are more appropriate forums. Unless this happens to somebody...a grown kid totally disappears...it is hard for the other person to understand. I can't even totally share it here because although many people are unhappy with their kids, they have a relationship with them. I would not leave a child out of my will that I had any relationship with. But l.. I'm done. I am no longer feeling the pain. And there is no relationship. None. Honestly. [/QUOTE]
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