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Never disinherit your kid
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 691429" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks to whoever validated my last post with icons. I keep reading my answer and it brings back sad memories, but it also reminds me of how he does not act like a son. My other kids are so different, happy cheerful, caring of me and I am allowed to love them back and Bart actually wants me to visit St. Louis for my grandson and I have total access to my sweet grand daughter.</p><p></p><p>It is abusive to cut off somebody who loves you, especially from the kids. Sadly, from my estranged sites I read, the biggest catalyst in doing this seems to be a sudden new honey that the estranged child is so smitten with that he is willing to dump his entire family and really believe that the family deserves it, but like me, the estranged child often never even gives an explanation about why. Often the new honey either cut off her own parents or wants her own family to have total access to them and the grandchildren with no in laws around. Often it's a boy who meets a conniving girl, but it can go both ways.</p><p></p><p>Parents freak out and send emails, letters or even go to their homes or work to be sent harassment warrants and to even end up in jail. Yes, it gets that bad. I tried everything except going to the house. If he didn't call the police, his wife would have. Some kids respond with hate to emails, some not at all. A list of what you did and how you need to behave, usually abusive, is handed to some mothers. I got one. I threw it away. That was when I realized I don't know this man. Time to move on. I did. He can't hurt me anymore. But ill be damned if I'll be a fool again and include him in my will. He'd laugh at me for the gesture and my kids would feel betrayed, as they are always here. And he dumped them too, betraying us all.</p><p></p><p>Such an unpleasant topic, but it happens a lot now and society now encourages it. It is on the rise globally.</p><p></p><p>Sorry. I know this site is not about this horrific issue, but I am defending myself here about the will and my husband, who is also very done with Gone boy, is on board with me. To be a son to me, which is what matters in this, is to be present and available for Mom and even sometimes be kind. I don't care at all about DNA or the past and my ancestry. Unlike many people, I feel my identity is tied to the people who love me, DNA, adopted or nothing legal. My person, who I am, is not because of dead Aunt Clara and her life and times, but to those who raised me and those who have knowingly stayed with me. M.y people are a few DNA people and many more who don't share it.</p><p></p><p>Hint: if the child you raised grew up to be a man who would let you starve, he is a son in name only and I feel it's fine to leave someone like that out of your will.</p><p></p><p>I feel better now. It actually is edging up to eleven years of silence and I would have mixed feelings and have to give it a lot of thought to let him back even if he did come back, but by word and deed, I know he won't. And it's best he does not. It would never be the same. Most kids who estranged their caring parents are empathy challenged and reconciliation rarely work, at least that is what I see on those boards. Many parents like me decide never to risk our hearts to them again. My don is almost 40. He is not a kid. This started when he was not a kid. He knows right from wrong.</p><p></p><p>I don't let others abuse me. Sometimes you need to say good bye, even to a child you love or once loved. It can be self defense as it was for me.</p><p></p><p>Sorry for the extra vent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 691429, member: 1550"] Thanks to whoever validated my last post with icons. I keep reading my answer and it brings back sad memories, but it also reminds me of how he does not act like a son. My other kids are so different, happy cheerful, caring of me and I am allowed to love them back and Bart actually wants me to visit St. Louis for my grandson and I have total access to my sweet grand daughter. It is abusive to cut off somebody who loves you, especially from the kids. Sadly, from my estranged sites I read, the biggest catalyst in doing this seems to be a sudden new honey that the estranged child is so smitten with that he is willing to dump his entire family and really believe that the family deserves it, but like me, the estranged child often never even gives an explanation about why. Often the new honey either cut off her own parents or wants her own family to have total access to them and the grandchildren with no in laws around. Often it's a boy who meets a conniving girl, but it can go both ways. Parents freak out and send emails, letters or even go to their homes or work to be sent harassment warrants and to even end up in jail. Yes, it gets that bad. I tried everything except going to the house. If he didn't call the police, his wife would have. Some kids respond with hate to emails, some not at all. A list of what you did and how you need to behave, usually abusive, is handed to some mothers. I got one. I threw it away. That was when I realized I don't know this man. Time to move on. I did. He can't hurt me anymore. But ill be damned if I'll be a fool again and include him in my will. He'd laugh at me for the gesture and my kids would feel betrayed, as they are always here. And he dumped them too, betraying us all. Such an unpleasant topic, but it happens a lot now and society now encourages it. It is on the rise globally. Sorry. I know this site is not about this horrific issue, but I am defending myself here about the will and my husband, who is also very done with Gone boy, is on board with me. To be a son to me, which is what matters in this, is to be present and available for Mom and even sometimes be kind. I don't care at all about DNA or the past and my ancestry. Unlike many people, I feel my identity is tied to the people who love me, DNA, adopted or nothing legal. My person, who I am, is not because of dead Aunt Clara and her life and times, but to those who raised me and those who have knowingly stayed with me. M.y people are a few DNA people and many more who don't share it. Hint: if the child you raised grew up to be a man who would let you starve, he is a son in name only and I feel it's fine to leave someone like that out of your will. I feel better now. It actually is edging up to eleven years of silence and I would have mixed feelings and have to give it a lot of thought to let him back even if he did come back, but by word and deed, I know he won't. And it's best he does not. It would never be the same. Most kids who estranged their caring parents are empathy challenged and reconciliation rarely work, at least that is what I see on those boards. Many parents like me decide never to risk our hearts to them again. My don is almost 40. He is not a kid. This started when he was not a kid. He knows right from wrong. I don't let others abuse me. Sometimes you need to say good bye, even to a child you love or once loved. It can be self defense as it was for me. Sorry for the extra vent. [/QUOTE]
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