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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 443135" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Some people have a hard time ever treating their children as individuals -- unique beings SEPARATE from themselves -- who have their own likes, hopes, dreams, even after they are grown and living their adult life. They project themselves onto their children too much and only see THEIR OWN preferences in regard to their child and their whole ego/self-esteem, personal identity is wrapped up in this rather self-centered ideal. Perhaps this is also true for your mom. </p><p></p><p>My husband struggles with this in regard to sports and our kids. He is very frustrated that none of his kids have chosen any of the sports he played as a child and young adult. And he is frustrated that neither of his boys is super athletic. However, all three of our kids play various sports, and have tried various sports because I do feel it's important for them to find something they enjoy doing. We'll try anything once, maybe even twice if we're on the fence about it or didn't have the best experience the first time. I don't expect my kids to be great at anything, but I do want them to find SOMETHING physically active to do. </p><p></p><p>I try to remind husband that our goal as parents is not create carbon copies of ourselves, but to foster the growth and development of these children so they can become whatever person THEY want to be.</p><p></p><p>I think it's just too bad that your mom cannot find satisfaction or pride in the direction you've chosen for your own life. Maybe she needs to hear that the things which bring meaning and purpose to YOUR life are, as you've said, the very things you couldn't/didn't have growing up. And that YOU are NOT HER and never will be. How boring life would be if we all were clones of our parents!</p><p></p><p>(((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 443135, member: 3444"] Some people have a hard time ever treating their children as individuals -- unique beings SEPARATE from themselves -- who have their own likes, hopes, dreams, even after they are grown and living their adult life. They project themselves onto their children too much and only see THEIR OWN preferences in regard to their child and their whole ego/self-esteem, personal identity is wrapped up in this rather self-centered ideal. Perhaps this is also true for your mom. My husband struggles with this in regard to sports and our kids. He is very frustrated that none of his kids have chosen any of the sports he played as a child and young adult. And he is frustrated that neither of his boys is super athletic. However, all three of our kids play various sports, and have tried various sports because I do feel it's important for them to find something they enjoy doing. We'll try anything once, maybe even twice if we're on the fence about it or didn't have the best experience the first time. I don't expect my kids to be great at anything, but I do want them to find SOMETHING physically active to do. I try to remind husband that our goal as parents is not create carbon copies of ourselves, but to foster the growth and development of these children so they can become whatever person THEY want to be. I think it's just too bad that your mom cannot find satisfaction or pride in the direction you've chosen for your own life. Maybe she needs to hear that the things which bring meaning and purpose to YOUR life are, as you've said, the very things you couldn't/didn't have growing up. And that YOU are NOT HER and never will be. How boring life would be if we all were clones of our parents! (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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