Never quite sure what's going on

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Malika, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    J is in a good period right now (that'll be famous last words and it'll end tonight, lol). We recently had four days in England seeing family and since we got back J has been mainly very easy and pleasant to be with - listens to me (even when I told him no to chocolate in the shop, almost a first, wow...), co-operative, very sweet and funny. Of course we have had a couple of worrying incidents - when we were in a shop in England, I saw him darting looks at me to see if I was looking at him and then putting a mouse-shaped corrector fluid inside his glove and just now we were playing a card game in his lunchtime break and I went to the loo; when I came back he had taken a card out of my hand that he wanted and placed in on top of the pack so that he would pick it up and take it on his go, although he hotly denied it. Both times I got cross, refused to accept his behaviour, both times he eventually apologised spontaneously, some time later. These things still worry me quite a lot though. On the other hand, he has been much less oppositional and mature. He is now six, but I don't think that alone can account for it :)
    I know enough now not to be lulled into a probably false sense of security or expect that this will last. But it does rather mystify me - why does he behave like this sometimes? Anyone looking on would say he had surely taken some kind of medication, which he hasn't. For the moment, I'm clear that the disadvantages of medications do not outweigh the possible advantages. Talk to me in a year's time...
    Do other people have this on-off gfgness?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Very common when they are young. Sometimes, after we got Sonic, he would act so normal I'd think I imagined anything was wrong.
    As he got older, his self-control grew, but other problems emerged.
    I'm wondering if your little guy has a touch of attachment problems. Not the whole nine yards, but a little. He is a puzzling little man, for sure!
     
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    That's what bothered many of us, including gf1's teachers. He could be such a "good little guy" and then turn into the Tazmanian devil. When he was younger, it was seen as typical self-centeredness at that age combined with "no parental discipline" (even my mother accused me of that). As he got older, the misbehavior was seen as willful and intentional defiance and disobedience because he "CAN be such a good kid as we've seen on most occasions". Now that I know his "thinking errors" and am doing more teaching rather than just disciplining, our house is MUCH calmer and quieter ..... at least where HE is concerned.

    As for the dishonesty, it is an internal drive for what they WANT (and probably can't have). This one was a tough one for us to overcome and we're still not 100% ..... but it is better than it was.
     
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    He seems very attached to my state of being. If I am calm and centred, he is much more so... if I get stressed by his antics, he plays up much more and gets rude and oppositional. There seems to be a definite cycle - I don't know if that is related to attachment.
     
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hyper-sensitivity to the state of others around them? In my experience, that is part of insecure attachment. Driven by "survival instinct", they know that when you are calm and collected, then the "world" is safe... and if YOU are upset or stressed, they assume THEIR little world is about to crumble.

    And, of course, there is no way we can become something other than human... so, we are imperfect, and inconsistent, and... we DO worry and fret and get stressed...
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think being able to "read" you means secure attachment. Certainly he doesn't have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...no way. He'd be 100% worse. But it's common for adopted k ids to have attachment issues, especially if they did not get adopted at birth. A lot has to do with where he was before he came to you and if he had a consistent caregiver who nurtured him. Also, he did have to go through a divorce at a young age too. J. doesn't really fit into any of the "normal" categories, but his behavior isn't "typical" either. He does not behave like a so-called normal six year old boy. Something isn't right...trying to brainstorm...
     
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Well, thankfully I'm not too invested in J being "normal". He just needs to be himself and he is a personality, something of a one-of-a-kind. That's okay. I find his challenging behaviour difficult, for sure, but not his idiosyncracies. He's creative and original, thinks in interesting ways - I like that. I feel his early life and all the rest must play into his difficulties, I'm sure that's right. He has been with me since 3 months old but knew many changes in his first three years. He's hyperactive so already that certainly isn't typical or normal... tomorrow morning he has a blood test (wish me luck, he HATES these) to rule out diabetes - he is hyperglycemic, which can be a symptom of diabetes, which can cause hyperactivity... just another thing to rule out.
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I think the card issue is pure impulsivity and immaturity. As he gets older, he will be able to take medications that help with-impulsivity. Just take it one step at a time.
     
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hope the blood testing goes well... either way, it's important. In so many ways, medical issues play into GFGness for many of our kids.
     
  10. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Thanks, IC... well, if J didn't have such an off-the-ball mother, he would have had his blood testing today. However, I happily fed him his porridge and juice for breakfast only to remember on the way to the clinic that he has to have fasted for at least 12 hours... So we have to redo the whole thing tomorrow morning. J, who hates and dreads the whole proceeding, was actually crying "I want my piqure (injection) today!!"
     
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