New - 8 year old on the verge of being expelled - long

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BellJar, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. BellJar

    BellJar New Member

    Hi Everybody,

    I have been lurking for a few days and decided to throw my hat in the ring. I am so happy I stumbled on this forum...I can't tell you how alone and guilt ridden I've felt, like I would never know anyone who's been through this. :(

    I have three children, two boys and one girl. My oldest, Salinger, is 14. After suspecting Asperger's for about two years and being brushed off by any professional, teacher, etc I asked (he doesn't have severe behavioral issues, but ZERO social skills and has been bullied frequently), plus resistance from husband, I finally put my foot down and got the process started to have him evaluated. That seems to be going ok so far, but a very slow process that I can save for another post.

    Right now, Salinger's issues look like a sweet candy coated dream next to his little brother's. Poe is eight years old. As far as I know he's not ADHD, Aspie (totally different development from his older brother) nor does he have any learning disabilities, but his behavior is out of control.

    His violent temper tantrums probably started around the time any kid's would, two or so. I thought they were normal at first though they seemed more severe then his siblings ever did, and believe me, my older two could throw some enormous fits. But three came, and they got worse. I remember having to hold him in my arms in bed at night just to get some sleep, and him hitting me and screaming for hours. Four, not really much better. Five came, along with kindergarten. WHAT A DISASTER. I was so naive. I thought he'd be more like his older brother and sister, angels at school, devilish at home. Not even close. Turns out, Poe is not afraid to scream at authority figures. Or hit them. Or throw chairs at them. :( The hitting me at home and his siblings got much worse as well.

    After many parent teacher conferences, him being sent home several times, switching classrooms, etc he got suspended at least once, perhaps twice. His school really worked with us but they had to reduce him to half days and for the last two weeks of school, I went with him every day. He went to therapy too, with a school referral. First grade was much better. He did get into trouble, but his teacher had been prepared for him, (had actually requested him, brave new teacher that she was), and he seemed to do fairly well with her. We moved halfway into the year but I kept him at that school for the rest of the year though it meant walking a mile back and forth each day.

    But last September I had to get a job and stay at home mom status went bye bye. No way could I keep him in that school without transportation when another school was 3 blocks from our house. So I switched him and boy, did he sink like the Titanic. Last year he wouldn't do his work at all, threw stuff, hit other students, was generally disruptive and rude, the list goes on and on. His teachers clearly did not want to deal with him, and it was complaint after complaint after complaint.

    This year is the worst yet. Same school as last year. This is the 'rich' school of our small town, so of course it has the best reputation but it's pretty clear they are not accustomed to dealing with students like Poe. He's completely lost it and last Thursday, he flipped out when his teacher tried to take his chair so he'd stop squeaking it and disrupting the class. He hit her three times and had to be restrained from doing it again, all in front of his classmates. The principal called us absolutely livid, and we had to meet with her as well as the police. She wanted him cited and in front of a judge. The police officer talked her out of that and had a very serious talk with Poe about where his behavior could lead. Poe was pretty scared; I don't think he ever thought that 'kid jail' was real, much less that a uniformed officer would show up and threaten to take him there. He's suspended for three days. The principal is very upset with Poe and the whole situation and has told us if this happens again he will be expelled. At eight!!

    We also had to take him to juvenile hall for a mini tour (they toned it down quite a bit due to his age). Fun times and a real scary glimpse of what the future could be.

    I am at my wit's end. Our first therapist gave us The Explosive Child and I've been re-reading it like crazy. I know that we haven't always been consistent with our discipline, and I know that there have been stressors in our lives and big changes for Poe, like when I went back to work, but I don't know what we did, or didn't do, to have a child this out of control. I have been reading parenting books since before my oldest was born and I have tried so hard with so many different methods. We also have him in an afterschool karate program that also does homework with him, (the little he will do) and works on behavior and aggression.

    If you saw Poe in person, it would be hard to believe what I just wrote about him. He's such a sweetheart most of the time, and extremely affectionate. Can be so loving to everyone, our animals, and his siblings. He is a social kid, but it's hard for him to make friends because they see him lose it in class and they are afraid of him. He's much better at home then at school. He does chores now, helps around the house, is happy and sunny and sweet most of the time. But when something happens or he feels overwhelmed (has to go to school when he's really tired, any time he has to do homework, had a fight with bro or sis and can't deal) my sweet boy turns into a mini monster, slapping my arms, trying to head butt me, (and sadly, this is better than when he'd have dangerous heavy objects flying at my head a couple of years ago or hitting me in the face), screaming that he hates me and I'm the worst mom in the world, etc, etc. This has gone well beyond all the feedback I've been given about him over the years, he's strong willed, he's spoiled, he's too smart for his own good and bored, etc. There is something wrong.

    That was reinforced for me today. I had to take the morning off work to be at home with him and I tried to get him to do his homework, thinking, well, he talked to a cop two days ago, he knows this is serious, now he's got motivation. Apparently not. When he got frustrated with the homework he threw the papers. I told him to just move on to another page and we'd go back to it later when he felt better and try it again. UM NO. He threw the papers again. I very calmly put him in time out on the stairs. He picked up a couple of little tiny things and threw them at me, had to be warned not to hit, and when I extended his time out he spit at me.

    I finally got him to calm down and explain to me why he was so upset, and then I went in the other room and cried. I know that he can be worked with, but just telling him to behave or x y z is going to happen isn't ever going to work for him. The teacher and the principal have already told me repeatedly that the class sizes are too large for them to deal with his behavior issues one on one. I can't be there in his class every day to calm him down and if a cop and a juvenile hall tour can't set him straight I might as well plan for his expulsion hearing.

    So I called his old therapist, but he can't take Poe on again because he's moving out of town in a few months. He did however have some ideas for me, and he wanted me to call the special education department and set up an IEP. I already know the school doesn't really want to do that; they declined the request for a therapist referral (because they would have to pay for it), so I called the Special Education department myself. The school district psychologist called me back and at first seemed to be trying hardcore to talk me out of going for an IEP, telling me Poe would be labeled emotionally disturbed, blah blah blah, so I basically said same thing I said here - he's been to therapy, he's resistant to all types of discipline, he's had a cop in his face telling him exactly where he's going to go if he keeps this up and he's still losing control. Clearly, if he could manage his behavior, he would be by now. So finally the psychologist was all, 'hmm, if this has been going on for at least four years and not getting any better it could mean a serious problem.' You think??

    So what I've been told at this point is that we have to set up a Behavior Support plan first, meaning he's expected to not hurt people, disrupt class, or he'll have x y z consequences *headdesk* and if he can't stick with that (I give it three days) and then when it's clear (omigawd how is it not clear yet??) that he is not capable of sticking to it then they decide to recommend he be screened or something for an IEP. I also set up an appointment for Wednesday morning with a new therapist and an appointment with our local Youth Development center that works with troubled kids and may have some resources for someone to help in school since clearly the school itself does not or cannot provide that. But that appointment is not until the 22nd of November. :(

    My fear is that while we are waiting for all this bureacracy and red tape he's going to hurt the teacher or another kid and be expelled before anything gets off the ground. I don't want him to hurt anyone. I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know what to do next. I feel like I have failed as a parent. My child is about to lose his education and severely impact his future and I don't know how to stop it.

    I'm sorry for the rambling - I am half asleep and crazy with stress. Any insight, thoughts, and all would be much appreciated.
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Belljar - hello and welcome. Sorry you have be here, but I'm so glad you did find us. I have to start work (11 minutes ago, LOL) but quickly....

    Send a certified letter to sped director requesting a multidisciplinary evaluation to determine if your son qualifies for an IEP.

    Send it *today*. This legally notifies the school district that your son may be a student with a disability and invokes protections of IDEA (i.e. a student with a disability cannot be expelled for behaviors related to their disability, and may not be suspended for more than 10 school days).

    Given the fact he has behaviors that are interfering with his ability to receive an education, he should qualify for an IEP.

    The Functional Behavioral Analysis should be part of that evaluation, and a Behavior Management Plan should be part of an IEP - but I don't believe either carry any weight in terms of protecting him from suspensions/expulsion by themselves.

    You probably want to contact a sped advocate in your area. I distrust any school district that has employees who try to warn off parents from obtaining appropriate services for their kids because of the "labeling" argument. He's already been labeled.

    Hang in there. I know other parents will be here shortly to expand on suggestions and talk about evaluations he's already had, but you need to get those IDEA protections in place immediately with- that certified letter. Again, welcome.
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hello BellJar (by the way, are these your children's real names or have you just invented literary references for them??) I have a little experience in the area as my son is probably ADHD, no formal diagnosis yet as he is too young, but really I am just going to reply to your message from a point of view of common sense. I totally believe that your son is sweet and affectionate most of the time and then suddenly "loses it" and becomes aggressive, anti-social and wild. What this says to me is that he has no impulse control. This means that he is not exactly "choosing" to misbehave and that disciplinary approaches will be all but useless since he cannot help himself or choose to act otherwise. I would imagine that medication plus behavioural therapy are what you will have to consider. And first you need a diagnosis and evaluations... I wasn't quite clear from your post where you are with that.
    Sorry if I am stating the blindingly obvious. Sometimes we fail to do that and get lost in complications such as the idea that your son is "devilish" or "bad"...
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have either of them been assessed by a complete neuropsychologist evaluation? I'm not a big fan of plain therapists and behavioral therapists for our kids simply because not only can they not really diagnose (in most states they aren't even allowed to because they lack the training), but their methods don't work for our kids. I totally believe in the neuropsychologist evaulation first and foremost as their intensive testing tends to touch every segment of development and behavior and, in my long experience that starts with myself, they are the best diagnosticians around. Without a diagnosis, you don't get much help. Are you in the US?

    I have a few questions the pertain to both Salinger and Poe that will really help us help you. Hope you're not offended by the questions, but we simply don't know enough.

    In regards to each child:
    1/How was the early development...speech, motor skills, demeaner, ability to seperate from you, eye contact with both you AND strangers, any obsessive interests or quirks? Any food, material, crowd, noise sensitivies in either child? How is their ability to transition from one activity to another?

    2/Is husband their biological father? ARe there ANY psychiatric or neurological disorders, or suspected ones, on either side of your children's GENETIC family trees? This includes even if they never met their birthfather...DNA talks; it screams. It is there. Any substance abuse in the family tree?

    3/How do they get along with their same age peers? Academically?

    Welcome to the board :) We are nice folks. I'm sure many others will weight in with you, but the more info we have, the more we can help.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with going straight for the IEP evaluation- ASAP. First, your school district should have already been suggesting this to you. But the main thing is, if you try this behavior plan they want without an IEP in place, they could go for an expulsion or something the first time it doesn't work because no protections for his education are in place, like they are once on an IEP. You could fight that due to his age and the fact that the school district is required to screen for a disability when things are this severe but save yourself the trouble. No school district wants to put a kid on an IEP and usually fights against the evaluation and then any accommodation requested by the parent, but don't let them discourage you from going thru with it. But again- NO behavior plan without an IEP in place first.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    But schools are not good at diagnosing.
    I think the IEP and neuropsychologist testing would be helpful if happening at the same time. The school district has a tendency to underplay what is wrong because it costs them $$$ to do IEPs.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    They don't need the diagnosis to get the IEP in place- I agree a neuropsychologist will be a good thing and if it takes longer than the IEP screening at school, so be it, I would not wait for it when the kid is this out of control and the school district has already threatened court action. I'd get that IEP - they can always have another meeting and add/modify details based on whatever the neuropsychologist reveals. I'm just thinking the IEP screening could take 2 mos from the time it's requesting (can't remember the reequirement for sure) but it could ttake longer than that to even get him in for a neuropsychologist evaluation. I don't see the school district giving this that amount of time.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Belljar. LOVE your name and your kids' names!

    I agree with-the others ... certified ltr, IEP asap, neuropsychologist evaluation. Since you already have one kid on the spectrum, you could very well have another. These kids do not all look alike. My son flew under the radar for so many yrs!
    You are right when you say that his anxiety ramps up. He is reacting to stressors in his environment. For ex, the chair. He was rocking and squeaking as a stimulant, getting into it, and the teacher not only told him to stop, but took the chair away. That's like your whole world crashing down. Too much of a change for him. Little changes are HUGE to our kids. We have to see it from their eyes.
    The homework issue, and throwing papers is another good example. My son is 14-1/2 and still gets upset when he sees an entire page of homework to do.
    First of all, is the "rich" school private? If so, I'd change him to a public school. We did that with-our difficult child and I have never been happier. Every school and all the teachers gave it their all, but some are just not trained for it, and it takes away from the other kids in the class.
    Can you put him on clonidine or something to calm him down? It works well for kids on the spectrum, as well as other anxiety issues. His pediatrician may be willing to do that.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    HI there! so very glad you found this board. Your poor boys. I am sorry you have not received the guidance and support you all deserve and it seems your school district is not following the law. It is true they are mandated to screen for disabilities. FOR SURE write that letter and make sure you send it certified mail so you have proof you sent it. Even kids who are suspected of a disability and in process for testing receive protection under the law. So first of all I totally agree with everything everyone has said and I hope you can use the information to get the ball rolling. I will just add some other things that jump to mind. It can be overwhelming so just grab those things that let you take a step forward for now and feel free to come back to your thread over and over to review things as you move on.

    You are right. What they said about the "labeling" is such old fashioned thinking. First of all everything is strictly confidential especially when protected by an IEP. So are they admitting they would break that confidentiality? Your instinct that they have already labeled him (inappropriately) is correct. He is thought of as a kid who misbehaves and is a rude brat, bad whatever.... There are very few people on this earth who dont avoid conflict and punishment IF they have the ability. The school "professionals" should be ashamed.

    I have done school evaluations for many years and it breaks my heart you are in an area where people are avoiding getting the appropriate help. I just have not experienced that beyond a few people here and there, not a full child study team ever, so these folks are shocking to me (and you are not alone because there are tons of stories here with the same experience). If they do the right thing by him ALL of their lives will be easier along with your son. Usually, teachers who go into working with kids who have special needs do it because they want to and they have learned how to support them. I pray that once you get past these bureaucrats, you can then get to the qualified staff who will be able to support him.

    First it is important to find out what is really going pursue the IEP initial assessment AND please please try to find a private neuropsychologist or child development center where they have these folks, to do a full assessment. It should include Occupational Therapist (OT) (Occupational Therapy) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) (speech language pathology), hearing, vision, along with the psychology part which includes IQ, behavior rating scales etc. If your one child is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) there may be related things going on with the other even if he doesn't meet criteria for full Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) (like severe sensory integration disorder, processing problems, etc.) Or could be totally a separate diagnosis.

    In the area I live, we tell parents straight up, the schools do not diagnose. Schools are mandated to find out what educational disability category a child meets criteria for so they can receive the most appropriate educational services. Even if the very same professionals in another setting could diagnose legally, in the school districts that is not is beyond the scope of practice there so even with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids they are not supposed to say --he has aspergers, or he has low functioning autism, etc. Just that they meet criteria for Autistic Spectrum Disorders. (they might say it off the record that it seems like Aspergers but you would need a medical site to diagnose that) so, in my opinion I wouldn't let them tell you anything about what/who he IS. What he IS, is an innocent child who has adults in the schools who have not appropriately addressed his needs.

    As you are seeing, his self esteem is may develop around the thought that he is not a good kid. This is a crime in my opinion, caused by terrible neglect of his needs and civil rights by the school district.

    The mandate is that kids have a POSITIVE behavioral support plan. So even if they push you to do some kind of behavioral contract in the mean time, remember the appropriate thing is to state what he needs to do and what the rewards will be for those things. This is why an FBA (systematic behavior assessment which looks at the behavior considering things that happen before, where they happen, how people responded, etc.) that information will help decide if he is trying to escape tasks that are too hard, if something triggered him to become anxious etc. DO NOT let them tell you everything is for attention. While attention can reinforce and continue a behavior, it rarely starts the behavior and is the number one error in behavior analysis. If you do a search for FBA you will find lots of good stuff. Here is one really nice one: Functional Behavioral Assessment

    The websites for sp. ed suggested will also have documents about behavior...assessment, plans, rules, rights, etc.
    All of the goals should be worded for what he is to do not what he is NOT supposed to do. he is supposed to be reinforced for doing the right thing. If he does not have the skills to do so then those goals are to be in the IEP as teachable skills.

    Does that make sense? If they give you a proposed plan...feel free to type it in here and we will be happy to give you feedback. Dont ever feel you need to sign anything they give you right away! Just say...this looks great. I need a little time to read it more carefully and I will get back to you very soon. You have that legal right. Do not sign anything that is not part of the special education some kind of behavior contract that is not thru special education.

    Kids with disabilities that affect behavior are in my humble opinion the most neglected, mistreated and undereducated kids in our schools. We have to become what this board calls warrior moms (and dads) because even in a good situation, you always have to be vigilent and to be a strong advocate.

    If you can find an educational advocate please do so. ARC is accross the nation and maybe there is a chapter near you. Their advocates are free and really good around here. There are lots of options for looking so just ask and people here have probably done it. He has already been hurt enough. You may need to decide if this school is even worth working with because they may already have such a bad attitude about your son. That will be your call because of course it is not easy to move or switch schools especially when there is more than one child in a family. Hopefully once they see you are on to them and know your sons rights, maybe they will fall in line a little! We can hope and pray for that.

    Enough rambling, bottom line is you are not alone, your instincts and ideas are right and we are here to help.

    Lots of really good websites to help including Writeslaw, PACER, and ARC there are many others like even has great special needs information put in really simple form. Your state department of ed website may have great information about Special Education if you search their site. usually they list outside agencies for parent support. those websites are designed to look very good to auditors etc. so even if they dont follow best practices they want to appear to do so and so those sites can be useful.

    please keep us updated. you are not in this alone by any means.
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It sounds like this is a huge part of it. My son gets overwhelmed very easily. He can't break schoolwork down and focus on one thing at a time. He sees the whole picture and freaks out.

    Then a 1:1 aide is one thing I would FIGHT for in an IEP.

    Do exactly what slsh said. Put a "Request for Evaluation for Special Education Services including academic, psychological, Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), and behavioral evaluations" in writing NOW and send it "Registered Mail" with "Return Receipt Requested". That will put them on a deadline and give Poe some protection. Given what you've told us, there is NO WAY they can say he won't qualify. He doesn't need a diagnosis to qualify. Behaviors that interrupt his learning and that of others is enough to warrant an IEP. A behavior plan is part of the IEP so that is NOT done first. They can try whatever interventions they want in the meantime but they cannot deny him an evaluation for services if you've put your request in writing.

    You didn't do anything wrong. Your child is wired differently. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. All you can do is learn to deal with it and help him learn to deal with it. The others have recommended a neuropsychologist evaluation. That is a wonderful suggestion. Since they are sometimes hard to get into quickly, find a Child Psychiatrist now. There IS something going on with your son but you need someone to figure out what that something is. Until you know what IT is, you can't even start to fix it. I would also highly recommend that you look into having an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation done outside of school. It sounds like he has some sensory issues that the school evaluation might not even test for. That is how we've found a lot of issues my difficult child 1 has. The school Occupational Therapist (OT) said there were no issues. Our Occupational Therapist (OT) is finding LOTS and has given us tools to help that are working.

    Good luck and keep us posted. To keep him from being expelled, get that request done NOW.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Does the school really think that your son chooses to be disruptive and miserable? that you are okay with him having rages at school or at home????? Idiots.

    If your son knew HOW to behave, he would. He is probably the most miserable of all of you. See if you can get a copy of Lost At School by Ross Greene (it is "The Explosive Child" written for schools.

    1. Send that certified letter today. And fax it to them right now! Save that fax receipt.

    2. Get him a full and complete evaluation. This may take awhile and can be very expensive depending on your insurance. If he has to have a stay at a pysch hospital, insist that they test him while he is inpatient, insurance is much more likely to cover it.

    3. You don't mention medication. Get to a child psychiatric ASAP for a pyschiatric evaluation. This child needs help NOW. There are many, many medications that can help (the full and complete evaluation will give them a better direction to go with therapy and some guidence for medications but it sounds like your son is in crisis). Medication can help keep him and everyone else safe while the evaluations take place.

    4. The school may offer placement in an alternate setting (although it is difficult to find one for 8 year olds). Be sure to visit the school before agreeing or disagreeing. Some alternate settings are just holding pens, others are priceless gems that really help the kids.

    5. Visit the Special Education Archives on this board and read them all. Then visit and keep reading.

    If you let us know what state you are in, we might be able to direct you to some 'real world' resources as well.

  12. BellJar

    BellJar New Member

    Wow, thank you all so much for your knowledgeable and caring replies! I am SO happy I found this forum - I have learned more in a couple of days lurking and hearing from you all then I learned in years as far as Poe is concerned.

    And to answer some of the other questions, neither Salinger or Poe has had a full neuropsychologist. We live in a small city with limited resources, and there's only one child psychiatrist. He has a great reputations - his name was originally brought up to me as the only local expert on Asperger's. He works out of our local child development center, so that's who I contacted as well as the school when I wanted Salinger evaluated. They did some pre-screening scales and it came up as highly likely Asperger's. He's currently on the waitlist to see the child psychiatric, but since this man is the only one, he's booked solid and I've been told it can be up to six months. We also have some intervention going on the school side for Salinger, counselor checking in with him regularly, observing him at recess for signs of bullying and isolation, identifying his favorite teacher as a mentor, etc. So far I've been pleased with their response.

    Poe has only had in school and out of school therapy. Currently a counselor from the development center sees him at school, and he's going back to a new outside therapist starting tomorrow. I strongly believe, as you all have suggested as well, that he needs a psychiatric evaluation not more behavioral therapy but right now we are doing everything the school has recommended and then some. If they try to expel him, it will not be on the grounds that we haven't tried everything humanly possible. He does also have an appointment with the development center on the 22nd of November. I've been told they are the best, and pretty much the only, resource for getting the evaluations. I think that he will also be put on the list to see the psychiatrist and possibly moved up the list due to the severity of his issues, but I really don't know right now.

    Poe is back in school this morning and I saw the principal and the police officer that was there on Thursday briefly. They wanted to know how everything is going. Principal has calmed down a lot and says they want to set up a behavioral intervention for him - not exactly sure what that means but the school psychologist I spoke to yesterday is coming to the school to observe Poe in class and we're all going to have a meeting. So they're acting much more now like they are going to work with us but I notice they way they all dance around the phrase IEP. I am absolutely taking the advice of all and sending that certified letter today. I think they are only going to do as much as they think they have to, and that's not good enough for me. I've heard their song and dance about budget cuts all week. That's sad and all, and I can see how it's frustrating for them but what do they expect of me, that I'm going to say oh yeah, you can't afford it so go ahead and expel my son because you can't deal with him? HELL TO THE N-O! I'm mad now, and I think that's a good thing. I'm generally laid back and go along with the flow, but over my dead body will they let my son slip through the cracks in the system.

    Thank you all again SO MUCH! I know I will be here every day needing and hopefully giving support as well.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think it seems pretty obvious that Salinger has Aspegers. Now you need interventions for him, such as social skills and Occupational Therapist (OT) if his motor skills are really terrible. This can and should be done by the school.

    As for Poe, I'd get that IEP, but concurrently get him a neuropsychologist evaluation, even if you have to travel several hours to get one. Go to your nearest university hospital...they have neuropsychs. Something is going on with him that needs to be addressed and nobody knows what it my opinion it is more than ADHD.

    Good luck, regardless of what you decide to do. Keep in touch.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Insider's tip!..... We (sp ed folks doing assessments and IEP's) were told that we can never say that a service cant be provided due to money. It is ILLEGAL to do when a child is protected by ADA (either a 504 plan or an IEP) money can't be used as a determination whether a child receives appropriate services to address disabilities! Now speaking as a mommy, i have heard that several times. And I always cut them off. i remind them I dont work there and it is not my job to worry about their budget. I just need to get services for difficult child.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's interesting- then is it legal for a school district to tell a parent of a student with an IEP that they can't provide a service/accommodation because "they don't have it available"?
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    No, I dont think so, but here is the catch, depending on what kind of thing you are talking about, they can often argue that they have equivalent services that are adequate. That is the word that gets us every time...they dont have to provide optimal services, just adequate.
  17. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    You've gotten great advice. Just wanted to welcome you.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sure, but they have to offer to send your child to a school district that has the services AT THEIR COST and they have to pay the transportation feel too.
  19. keista

    keista New Member

    Hi and Welcome!

    in my opinion you should get Poe on that psychologist's waiting list to get evaluated for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) as well. He sounds a lot like my DD1 who may, to my shock and surprise, also be Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). I'm currently waiting on her evaluation results. The psychiatric who evaluated her said that at the very least, she has definite *traits*. I see them in your posts as well. Since son is "classic" Asperger's, I thought I knew it all, but missed so much with DD1 because it's so different.
    In a word, sounds like he's perseverating.
    Inappropriately social. When he does play with other kids, is he appropriate? Is there give and take? Compromise? Or if it's not his way that's when he starts hitting?
    Does he expect to just know everything? Because academically, things come easily for him? He knows the material and therefore refuses to do the work?

    I am hyper sensitive to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) right now because of the revelation with DD1, but it is something to consider. Salinger most definitely seems to present as "classic" Asperger's. Poe may not be fully on the spectrum, but may have significant enough traits to get the school's cooperation.

    Does he have any sensory issues? Another thing I thought I was familiar with because of my son. I did catch the auditory issues DD1 has, but nothing more. psychiatric described her as EXTREMELY sensory.

    Disclaimer: I have no professional letters behind my name. I do not diagnosis. I'm just a mom giving you my own personal mom perspective.

    Welcome to the board!
  20. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Start the paperwork for an IEP asap, I can't reinforce that statement enough. Certified, return receipt requested with-proof of delivery. My Kiddo's school couldn't handle her, either. They tried... and tried... and finally she got too violent. They transferred her to a school that can better handle her - and are providing the transportation. If the other school is a better fit, see if they'll transfer him back and do the transport from the close school to the other one.