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General Parenting
new and in need of advice please ( sorry -long)
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy423" data-source="post: 230461" data-attributes="member: 6118"><p>Hi and Welcome!!</p><p> </p><p>Since I'm not in the same family dynamics as you are, I can't answer on how parenting is done, however, I do have about 15 years of marital troubles behind me. I don't have a perfect marraige and never will (I've grown out of teh fairy tale) BUT I do have a great partnership with him. </p><p> </p><p>So where am I going with this? Well, we did counseling several times for a number of years. Couple times with- a counselor and once with- our pastor who married us. We learned many things about ourselves as a couple. One of the biggest and <em>most important things</em> we learned is how to communicate. It not just talking at or to the other. It's more about listening cuz we don't always shoot straight arrows. It can be what you <em>don't</em> say that's the key. If you truly want to show a united front, then you need to learn how to communicate with each other. </p><p>Don't point fingers</p><p>Don't shout or lay blame</p><p>Think your next words very carefully.</p><p>Start a lot of sentences with "I feel" "I'm seeing" etc. (Feelings aren't absolute so they're neutral - and can be shared.)</p><p>Don't say never or always</p><p>No name calling</p><p>Wait until you're both willing and have the time for a conversation. Don't rush in when the tension is high.</p><p> </p><p>There's more "rules" but I can't think of them right now. But I do have to say that HOW you talk to your spouse makes a difference in the household. Sounds like you have a lot of tension and stress in the house right about now which could make your DSS act out.</p><p> </p><p>This is really a great place. Like the other said, it can be pretty straight forward and to the point. Sorry if anything offends. Many of us have been there done that and would love to share our experiences in the hopes that something helps your situation. Sometimes we have to take a step back in order to see the big picture.</p><p> </p><p>Hope you two can find the love again. (HUGS)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy423, post: 230461, member: 6118"] Hi and Welcome!! Since I'm not in the same family dynamics as you are, I can't answer on how parenting is done, however, I do have about 15 years of marital troubles behind me. I don't have a perfect marraige and never will (I've grown out of teh fairy tale) BUT I do have a great partnership with him. So where am I going with this? Well, we did counseling several times for a number of years. Couple times with- a counselor and once with- our pastor who married us. We learned many things about ourselves as a couple. One of the biggest and [I]most important things[/I] we learned is how to communicate. It not just talking at or to the other. It's more about listening cuz we don't always shoot straight arrows. It can be what you [I]don't[/I] say that's the key. If you truly want to show a united front, then you need to learn how to communicate with each other. Don't point fingers Don't shout or lay blame Think your next words very carefully. Start a lot of sentences with "I feel" "I'm seeing" etc. (Feelings aren't absolute so they're neutral - and can be shared.) Don't say never or always No name calling Wait until you're both willing and have the time for a conversation. Don't rush in when the tension is high. There's more "rules" but I can't think of them right now. But I do have to say that HOW you talk to your spouse makes a difference in the household. Sounds like you have a lot of tension and stress in the house right about now which could make your DSS act out. This is really a great place. Like the other said, it can be pretty straight forward and to the point. Sorry if anything offends. Many of us have been there done that and would love to share our experiences in the hopes that something helps your situation. Sometimes we have to take a step back in order to see the big picture. Hope you two can find the love again. (HUGS) [/QUOTE]
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