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General Parenting
new and in need of advice please ( sorry -long)
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 230509" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hey, dere, Marg. Good to see you. I guess it's already Wednesday for you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>Look, it's no picnic to have the child's mother and the father put a lot of responsibility on the stepmother, however she can back off of the role. It's not working. It didn't work for us. It doesn't work for a lot of stepfamilies and the resentment of the kids really can make things miserable. My three kids ALL acted worse on purpose when hub tried to be a father figure. They were still reeling from the marriage and resentful of the man who they felt should not be there. In their eyes, Mom and Dad should be together. And they were all young--two of the boys were 14 and my daughter was 8. If our household was going to work, the discipline had to fall to me and he had to just learn to let me do it my way. And amazingly after he stepped back, the kids stopped being obnoxious to him and things really settled down. A stepparent is not a parent. Even a terrible mother is this boy's mother and she rejected him. He is not going to be an easy child to raise nor is he going to have high self-esteem or feel wanted. in my opinion letting the room go (it's his room) is Basket C. And his grades? He needs testing. It could be emotioinal, but could also be learning disabilities. The father needs to decide what to do about his child. If not, well, I don't see how it can work out. It would never have worked out for us if hub had insited on taking an active role in parenting. "You're not my father" was said a lot, which made him angry, but he WASN'T. And I think this kid is probably feeling a lot like that in his family now too. I think backing down is the only way...it isn't her responsbility...it's not her child. JMO</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 230509, member: 1550"] Hey, dere, Marg. Good to see you. I guess it's already Wednesday for you :) Look, it's no picnic to have the child's mother and the father put a lot of responsibility on the stepmother, however she can back off of the role. It's not working. It didn't work for us. It doesn't work for a lot of stepfamilies and the resentment of the kids really can make things miserable. My three kids ALL acted worse on purpose when hub tried to be a father figure. They were still reeling from the marriage and resentful of the man who they felt should not be there. In their eyes, Mom and Dad should be together. And they were all young--two of the boys were 14 and my daughter was 8. If our household was going to work, the discipline had to fall to me and he had to just learn to let me do it my way. And amazingly after he stepped back, the kids stopped being obnoxious to him and things really settled down. A stepparent is not a parent. Even a terrible mother is this boy's mother and she rejected him. He is not going to be an easy child to raise nor is he going to have high self-esteem or feel wanted. in my opinion letting the room go (it's his room) is Basket C. And his grades? He needs testing. It could be emotioinal, but could also be learning disabilities. The father needs to decide what to do about his child. If not, well, I don't see how it can work out. It would never have worked out for us if hub had insited on taking an active role in parenting. "You're not my father" was said a lot, which made him angry, but he WASN'T. And I think this kid is probably feeling a lot like that in his family now too. I think backing down is the only way...it isn't her responsbility...it's not her child. JMO [/QUOTE]
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