Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
new and in need of advice please ( sorry -long)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 230707" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This entire family needs therapy. You need seperate therapy and therapy together. I'll repeat that later in the post...lol. I am too lazy to delete where I put this later on, but it can't be emphasized enough. Also, and again I'm sure I'll repeat it later, I think you should stop focusing on the neatness factor for now. That is becoming a WAY HUGE issue and in my opinion it's not worth it. Please stay with me here...</p><p></p><p></p><p>Personally, I feel for the kid. He has been through abuse and several SO's from both his mother and father. And frankly I know you are trying, but it's not your place to have so much influence over him. I'm puzzled why it matters to you if he should be in Gifted or not. Again, I think you are trying to overmanage him as if you are his mother. Moreoever, it isn't going to work. He's 14 and had a horrible, chaotic life, which hub helped create by the cheating and divorcing. I know she did it too, but so did he. Then both of them started dating fast and this child, an ONLY child, is alone to deal with two adults who are suddenly no longer together and are fighting. </p><p>We are getting your side of the story. Mom may have learning disabilities. Son may have too and they may not have been caught yet. Did he ever see a neuropsychologist? You can have a genius IQ and still have learning disabilities. If he doesn't get tested by GOOD professionals, results of his being "ok" are pretty useless. Obviously he's not ok.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Frankly, this child is not going to do what you want him to do just because you want him to. He needs A LOT of counseling and I feel the whole family sounds very dysfunctional and all of you need to get help or the family will fall apart and your daughter will also suffer. You can not come into his life and force this boy to do what you want him to do, no matter how frustrated you get. You in my opinion do not have a realistic picture of what he is going to do for you...or for how horrible his life has been. And how both his mother and father and all of their SO's have contributed to making him sort of have to stand on his own and walk to the beat of a different drum.</p><p></p><p>The details you posted don't matter. It's the big picture. It's not working at all. The boy needs his own therapist. God knows if he was sexually abused at one time or actually physically abused. It is NOT his fault that he didn't tell you. Abused kids often keep it inside, thinking it was their fault, afraid that the abuser will kill him or his loved ones (and he does love his mother, even if you don't like her). </p><p>You can't make him want to go to college or to get good grades. those are YOUR values, but he wasn't brought up with them and you can't force yours on him. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion I say again therapy, therapy, therapy...you, hub, the boy...you need your own seperate therapists AND family therapy. It is pointless to talk about what he has done. It is best to get the family in the care of somebody who can help you. I don't think any of us can do that. There is too much going on and the boy has suffered through too much chaos and abuse and, from what I'm reading, he has never really gotten serious help. Aside from a neuropsychologist, I think he should see a teen Psychiatrist too. </p><p></p><p>There is so much going on, and the dynamics in my opinion are very poor. I don't mean to be harsh, but that includes your part in all of this. It's a big dance and nobody is dancing to the same beat, if you know what I mean. A recipe for continued chaos. Please, please, please for the sake of BOTH of these kids, get help for everyone. That's the best advice I can give you. Because you all need serious counseling ASAP. I think you should forget about trying to force DSS to clean up--that is so NOT the issue here. It is a symptom of a very sick family unit that needs mental health services. Do get them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 230707, member: 1550"] This entire family needs therapy. You need seperate therapy and therapy together. I'll repeat that later in the post...lol. I am too lazy to delete where I put this later on, but it can't be emphasized enough. Also, and again I'm sure I'll repeat it later, I think you should stop focusing on the neatness factor for now. That is becoming a WAY HUGE issue and in my opinion it's not worth it. Please stay with me here... Personally, I feel for the kid. He has been through abuse and several SO's from both his mother and father. And frankly I know you are trying, but it's not your place to have so much influence over him. I'm puzzled why it matters to you if he should be in Gifted or not. Again, I think you are trying to overmanage him as if you are his mother. Moreoever, it isn't going to work. He's 14 and had a horrible, chaotic life, which hub helped create by the cheating and divorcing. I know she did it too, but so did he. Then both of them started dating fast and this child, an ONLY child, is alone to deal with two adults who are suddenly no longer together and are fighting. We are getting your side of the story. Mom may have learning disabilities. Son may have too and they may not have been caught yet. Did he ever see a neuropsychologist? You can have a genius IQ and still have learning disabilities. If he doesn't get tested by GOOD professionals, results of his being "ok" are pretty useless. Obviously he's not ok. Frankly, this child is not going to do what you want him to do just because you want him to. He needs A LOT of counseling and I feel the whole family sounds very dysfunctional and all of you need to get help or the family will fall apart and your daughter will also suffer. You can not come into his life and force this boy to do what you want him to do, no matter how frustrated you get. You in my opinion do not have a realistic picture of what he is going to do for you...or for how horrible his life has been. And how both his mother and father and all of their SO's have contributed to making him sort of have to stand on his own and walk to the beat of a different drum. The details you posted don't matter. It's the big picture. It's not working at all. The boy needs his own therapist. God knows if he was sexually abused at one time or actually physically abused. It is NOT his fault that he didn't tell you. Abused kids often keep it inside, thinking it was their fault, afraid that the abuser will kill him or his loved ones (and he does love his mother, even if you don't like her). You can't make him want to go to college or to get good grades. those are YOUR values, but he wasn't brought up with them and you can't force yours on him. in my opinion I say again therapy, therapy, therapy...you, hub, the boy...you need your own seperate therapists AND family therapy. It is pointless to talk about what he has done. It is best to get the family in the care of somebody who can help you. I don't think any of us can do that. There is too much going on and the boy has suffered through too much chaos and abuse and, from what I'm reading, he has never really gotten serious help. Aside from a neuropsychologist, I think he should see a teen Psychiatrist too. There is so much going on, and the dynamics in my opinion are very poor. I don't mean to be harsh, but that includes your part in all of this. It's a big dance and nobody is dancing to the same beat, if you know what I mean. A recipe for continued chaos. Please, please, please for the sake of BOTH of these kids, get help for everyone. That's the best advice I can give you. Because you all need serious counseling ASAP. I think you should forget about trying to force DSS to clean up--that is so NOT the issue here. It is a symptom of a very sick family unit that needs mental health services. Do get them. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
new and in need of advice please ( sorry -long)
Top