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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626733" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart.</p><p></p><p>I am going to share a little and then give you my own opinion, which is pretty much agreed upon with MOST people here. Because it's the ONLY thing that we can guarantee...that we can only control ourselves, not anyone else, not even if our adult kids do dangerous, life-threatening things or not, although you can call 911 every time he tries and you know about it. I sure would. That automatically puts him in the hospital where he is safe for a while.</p><p></p><p>I have a pretty serious mood disorder which was not as well controlled when I was in my 20's as it is now. I spent three stays in a psychiatric hospital. The patients on the floor of one of them were pretty young...late teens to twenty-somethings. I remember once we had a discussion about how we should have the right to kill ourselves if we like and that nobody should stop us. I did not agree, but many did. One young woman, who had been depressed most of her life and medications did not seem to help her, had broken up with her boyfriend because he had called the hospital when he found her overdosed on the bathroom floor. Her parents were distraught. She knew this, but insisted that if she wants to kill herself, nobody should have the right to stop her. None of these people were serious substances abusers. They were mentally ill. </p><p></p><p>This conversation stayed with me and I have thought about it often. I think we should do all we can if we think somebody is a danger to themselves, but there is only so much we CAN do. Mentally ill people have "rights" now and nobody can keep them unless they ACTIVELY are suicidal or homicidal and then I think it can only be for 72 hours or the doctor has to go to court and get a court order. If a doctor can not stop this kind of behavior, how can we? More specifically, how can you? All of us have a latent fear that our adult children will kill themselves one day. Most of them live on the edge and do things that can kill them intentionally or unintentionally. It is a fear we have no choice but to learn to live with because nobody can stop a really determined person from doing that horrible final act. I know that isn't comforting. We all had to realize that. If you can get him to agree to go into a drug rehab and TO FOLLOW THE RULES (be compliant) chances are he will feel better and not want to kill himself. Ah, but that's the catch. We also can not force them to go into rehab and we can not make them lay off the recreational drugs and we can't force them to become compliant so that they have a chance to improve. THEY have 100% control over that. WE have 0% control over that. They are not us. We are not them. The laws are what they are. It is impossible to controll even a beloved grown child because the legality of it is, he can screw up his life if he wants to. He can refuse treatment. It is not different than if he had cancer, and thank God he does not, but some people refuse chemotherapy and that is their right.</p><p></p><p>I think that perhaps you should take your journey to another place and learn how to live a good, happy life even though your adult child is struggling. You DO have control over yourself and your happiness. Do you have other kids who need and love you? A spouse? Family and friends? You need to be healthy of body and mind for them and for yourself as well. I highly recommend starting to go to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings along with joining the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). You will learn coping skills from others in both places. You'll get real life, logical advice. You will not walk alone and you will learn to take a little time off from worrying about that which you can not chan</p><p></p><p>Maybe he will get arrested one day. Jail has helped some of our kids. </p><p></p><p>If he suffers depression of any kind, any sort of fly-by-night drug abuse makes that worse. But he needs to see this and try to get well and it is unlikely you can talk him into it. It hasn't worked so far. You can try an intervention. I've heard mixed reviews on that. Since he is actively suicidal, it is worth a try. You'll only know if it works for him if you do it. </p><p></p><p>Your son would do very well in a dual diagnosis hospital, but he has to be willing to go and to COMPLY both psychoanalytically and on the drug abuse/alcohol abuse front and nobody can do that for him but him. </p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, why not call a loved one and take a walk or have coffee or do something else you love to do? And do go to Nar-Anon and NAMI. It really does help.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry and sad for you. It sounds horrible.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626733, member: 1550"] Hi there. I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. I am going to share a little and then give you my own opinion, which is pretty much agreed upon with MOST people here. Because it's the ONLY thing that we can guarantee...that we can only control ourselves, not anyone else, not even if our adult kids do dangerous, life-threatening things or not, although you can call 911 every time he tries and you know about it. I sure would. That automatically puts him in the hospital where he is safe for a while. I have a pretty serious mood disorder which was not as well controlled when I was in my 20's as it is now. I spent three stays in a psychiatric hospital. The patients on the floor of one of them were pretty young...late teens to twenty-somethings. I remember once we had a discussion about how we should have the right to kill ourselves if we like and that nobody should stop us. I did not agree, but many did. One young woman, who had been depressed most of her life and medications did not seem to help her, had broken up with her boyfriend because he had called the hospital when he found her overdosed on the bathroom floor. Her parents were distraught. She knew this, but insisted that if she wants to kill herself, nobody should have the right to stop her. None of these people were serious substances abusers. They were mentally ill. This conversation stayed with me and I have thought about it often. I think we should do all we can if we think somebody is a danger to themselves, but there is only so much we CAN do. Mentally ill people have "rights" now and nobody can keep them unless they ACTIVELY are suicidal or homicidal and then I think it can only be for 72 hours or the doctor has to go to court and get a court order. If a doctor can not stop this kind of behavior, how can we? More specifically, how can you? All of us have a latent fear that our adult children will kill themselves one day. Most of them live on the edge and do things that can kill them intentionally or unintentionally. It is a fear we have no choice but to learn to live with because nobody can stop a really determined person from doing that horrible final act. I know that isn't comforting. We all had to realize that. If you can get him to agree to go into a drug rehab and TO FOLLOW THE RULES (be compliant) chances are he will feel better and not want to kill himself. Ah, but that's the catch. We also can not force them to go into rehab and we can not make them lay off the recreational drugs and we can't force them to become compliant so that they have a chance to improve. THEY have 100% control over that. WE have 0% control over that. They are not us. We are not them. The laws are what they are. It is impossible to controll even a beloved grown child because the legality of it is, he can screw up his life if he wants to. He can refuse treatment. It is not different than if he had cancer, and thank God he does not, but some people refuse chemotherapy and that is their right. I think that perhaps you should take your journey to another place and learn how to live a good, happy life even though your adult child is struggling. You DO have control over yourself and your happiness. Do you have other kids who need and love you? A spouse? Family and friends? You need to be healthy of body and mind for them and for yourself as well. I highly recommend starting to go to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings along with joining the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). You will learn coping skills from others in both places. You'll get real life, logical advice. You will not walk alone and you will learn to take a little time off from worrying about that which you can not chan Maybe he will get arrested one day. Jail has helped some of our kids. If he suffers depression of any kind, any sort of fly-by-night drug abuse makes that worse. But he needs to see this and try to get well and it is unlikely you can talk him into it. It hasn't worked so far. You can try an intervention. I've heard mixed reviews on that. Since he is actively suicidal, it is worth a try. You'll only know if it works for him if you do it. Your son would do very well in a dual diagnosis hospital, but he has to be willing to go and to COMPLY both psychoanalytically and on the drug abuse/alcohol abuse front and nobody can do that for him but him. Meanwhile, why not call a loved one and take a walk or have coffee or do something else you love to do? And do go to Nar-Anon and NAMI. It really does help. I'm so sorry and sad for you. It sounds horrible. [/QUOTE]
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