Braelynnsmom
New Member
I want to apologize in advance for this being rather long and thank those of you who are taking the time to read and respond.
I first noticed somthing a bit different with my daughter around the age she learned to crawl. She didn't want to be held or cuddled at all anymore and although I thought this was a bit odd, I thought she was just enjoying her new-found independence. I assumed that, in time, she would return my love and affection in ways typical of children her age.
By 18 months what I thought were the "terrible two's" began. Temper tantrums over the slightest thing and "crying" that seemed endless. As a first-time mom I sought the advice of more experienced family members who told me to "let her cry herself out" when she was just throwing a tantrum. In watching other kids her age, I saw that they would usually stop crying within about 10-15 minutes and would often fall asleep and wake up in a much better mood. My daughter would work herself up to the point of coughing and throwing up and yet she could turn it all off in an instant if something of interest was going on. She still did not want to be cuddled and shyed away from most affection.
When she turned three, she still had screaming and "crying" (her tears were always fake) fits when she did not get her way. Time outs did not matter to her and I struggled to find a way to let her know that her behavior was unacceptable. Affection had not yet returned and I began to notice that her attention span was pretty much non-existent which I guessed was normal for the age. The only thing that she would enjoy doing for more than two minutes at a time was swinging in a swing. I would try to get her interested in coloring or other projects but she didn't want to create, only destroy things. Potty-training was also an issue and even though we had been working on it for over a year she had serious ups and downs.She would go for weeks of being able to wear her "big girl underwear" day and night and then revert back on a dime. At this age she also began asking questons that absolutely blew my mind. I have always been very careful of what she is exposed to including what she sees on tv so when she asked me "If you put all of the blood back in someone's body, will they come back to life?" I was floored! I didn't let that show but instead told her that unfortunately it didn't really work that way. She seemed to be developing a morbid curiosity that I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. It was around this time that I first witnessed a look on my daughter's face that I had never really seen before; pure ice as she told me she hated me.
The age of four brought an end to the full fledged tantrum but the fake crying remained in full swing whenever she didn't get her way or even if she was told to wait a minute. Teaching her activities of daily living proved near impossible as she refused to do the simple things other kids her age were so proud of learning to do all by themselves. She took a great liking to coloring on all sorts of things she wasn't supposed to and I had to keep all writing utensils far out of her reach so she wouldn't destroy walls, books, clothes, etc. I became accustomed to her "icy glare" when she was not happy with me or anyone else for that matter. She did not mesh well with children her own age and usually leaned towards the younger kids that she could "boss around". She was still frequently wetting the bed and remained distant unless she wanted or needed something from me.
This past year has been the thoughest. She will be six in a few short months and things have gotten dramatically worse. She has taken to lying quite frequently and it usually is for no apparant reason. She has stolen money so she could "buy ice cream at school" even though she was told she could help out around the house to earn ice cream money. At one point we were playing outside with water balloons and I got her a little wet, it was all fun and games until that moment when she became furious and charged at me. She head-butted me in the stomach and then began punching me in the ribs. When she gets angry or embarrassed she tends to exhibit more violent tendancies. Consequences don't work to discipline and rewards don't seem to intrest her much either. She consistently does things she knows she is not allowed to do and then when she is asked why she shrugs and says it's because she wanted to. She does not seem to show any genuine remorse when she hurts someone physically or emotionally and she looks at people as being completely replaceable. Just the other day she said she didn't care if one of her friends died because she has other friends. She has has instances of being disruptive in class and was actually nearing the point of expulsion earlier this year (she is only in kindergarten). She has finally started being affectionate but it is only when she has something to gain from it or feels that it may get her out of trouble. She will often use affection or offers to help out as ways to get out of doing what she has been told to do. She still enjoys being destructive and cannot be left to her own devices for any length of time. I fear that relationships for her are out of pure necessity and/or for her own amusement.
I have sought out advice from family and friends but have gotten to a point where litterally no one can relate to what is happening here. I have heeded the advice of seeking professional help and am waiting on an appointment for her to be assessed. She was not subjected to any drugs or alcohol while in utero and has not been abused nor neglected. I love my daughter dearly and just want to know how to help her.
I first noticed somthing a bit different with my daughter around the age she learned to crawl. She didn't want to be held or cuddled at all anymore and although I thought this was a bit odd, I thought she was just enjoying her new-found independence. I assumed that, in time, she would return my love and affection in ways typical of children her age.
By 18 months what I thought were the "terrible two's" began. Temper tantrums over the slightest thing and "crying" that seemed endless. As a first-time mom I sought the advice of more experienced family members who told me to "let her cry herself out" when she was just throwing a tantrum. In watching other kids her age, I saw that they would usually stop crying within about 10-15 minutes and would often fall asleep and wake up in a much better mood. My daughter would work herself up to the point of coughing and throwing up and yet she could turn it all off in an instant if something of interest was going on. She still did not want to be cuddled and shyed away from most affection.
When she turned three, she still had screaming and "crying" (her tears were always fake) fits when she did not get her way. Time outs did not matter to her and I struggled to find a way to let her know that her behavior was unacceptable. Affection had not yet returned and I began to notice that her attention span was pretty much non-existent which I guessed was normal for the age. The only thing that she would enjoy doing for more than two minutes at a time was swinging in a swing. I would try to get her interested in coloring or other projects but she didn't want to create, only destroy things. Potty-training was also an issue and even though we had been working on it for over a year she had serious ups and downs.She would go for weeks of being able to wear her "big girl underwear" day and night and then revert back on a dime. At this age she also began asking questons that absolutely blew my mind. I have always been very careful of what she is exposed to including what she sees on tv so when she asked me "If you put all of the blood back in someone's body, will they come back to life?" I was floored! I didn't let that show but instead told her that unfortunately it didn't really work that way. She seemed to be developing a morbid curiosity that I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. It was around this time that I first witnessed a look on my daughter's face that I had never really seen before; pure ice as she told me she hated me.
The age of four brought an end to the full fledged tantrum but the fake crying remained in full swing whenever she didn't get her way or even if she was told to wait a minute. Teaching her activities of daily living proved near impossible as she refused to do the simple things other kids her age were so proud of learning to do all by themselves. She took a great liking to coloring on all sorts of things she wasn't supposed to and I had to keep all writing utensils far out of her reach so she wouldn't destroy walls, books, clothes, etc. I became accustomed to her "icy glare" when she was not happy with me or anyone else for that matter. She did not mesh well with children her own age and usually leaned towards the younger kids that she could "boss around". She was still frequently wetting the bed and remained distant unless she wanted or needed something from me.
This past year has been the thoughest. She will be six in a few short months and things have gotten dramatically worse. She has taken to lying quite frequently and it usually is for no apparant reason. She has stolen money so she could "buy ice cream at school" even though she was told she could help out around the house to earn ice cream money. At one point we were playing outside with water balloons and I got her a little wet, it was all fun and games until that moment when she became furious and charged at me. She head-butted me in the stomach and then began punching me in the ribs. When she gets angry or embarrassed she tends to exhibit more violent tendancies. Consequences don't work to discipline and rewards don't seem to intrest her much either. She consistently does things she knows she is not allowed to do and then when she is asked why she shrugs and says it's because she wanted to. She does not seem to show any genuine remorse when she hurts someone physically or emotionally and she looks at people as being completely replaceable. Just the other day she said she didn't care if one of her friends died because she has other friends. She has has instances of being disruptive in class and was actually nearing the point of expulsion earlier this year (she is only in kindergarten). She has finally started being affectionate but it is only when she has something to gain from it or feels that it may get her out of trouble. She will often use affection or offers to help out as ways to get out of doing what she has been told to do. She still enjoys being destructive and cannot be left to her own devices for any length of time. I fear that relationships for her are out of pure necessity and/or for her own amusement.
I have sought out advice from family and friends but have gotten to a point where litterally no one can relate to what is happening here. I have heeded the advice of seeking professional help and am waiting on an appointment for her to be assessed. She was not subjected to any drugs or alcohol while in utero and has not been abused nor neglected. I love my daughter dearly and just want to know how to help her.
