New and worn out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tsp, Jul 9, 2007.

  1. tsp

    tsp New Member

    My ds will be 9 in two weeks and has ADHD and learning disabilities. We've had bouts of explosive behavior since he was a toddler, but that has been helped by his Adderall medication. Now that he's growing older, his (what I call) black rages have become rarer. I guess that's why yesterday just hit me out of nowhere. He can go from perfectly fine to raging on a dime and that's what happened yesterday. Our whole family was in the van and he attacked husband while he was driving because he had been told he could not take a toy with him in the car. In the process of trying to hold him back so husband would not wreck the car, we were all punched, kicked, scratched bitten and cursed at. I ended up in the back seat with him until we could get to our destination (sister in law's house). In the end the tantrum lasted for 4 hours and full of screaming, cursing, threats and aggression.

    I admit, he's been doing so well I've gotten a little lax on the B-Mod. Also, he tends to be more likely to rage when he's having a growth spurt. It's just so disheartening because he's been doing so well for so long that I began to hope we were moving past this and then we have what may well have been the worst rage ever.

    To top it all off, when it was over, husband tells me he doesn't think he's cut out to be a dad and basically has left me feeling like he's totally checked out and left me to deal with this by myself. I just feel frustrated and sick and worried about the effect on my other two kids seeing these kind of confrontations.
  2. --Eleanor--

    --Eleanor-- New Member

    Hi there--just wanted to say that yesterday was a bad day for my little guy, as well. Usually he's good at home and on weekends and saves his more awful behavior for school, but not yesterday. Ranting about not getting to go to Chuckee Cheese (for a second lunch), raging about not getting to install a game on daddy's computer (it was already running on his own computer), getting a time out and threatening to bite and hit me... If I believed in astrology, I would say that the planets were mis-aligned yesterday!

    Anyway, welcome to the site.
  3. IMSnoopee

    IMSnoopee New Member

    Sorry it was a cruddy day for all of you.

    You know how we sometimes are at our wits end and we wish we could just get the heck away from our difficult children? Well, our SO feel like that, too. Doesn't mean they're giving up, just means they are feeling desperate, too.

    I don't have a spouse, but I do have a boyfriend that gets frustrated with my difficult child, too. We made rituals around our home; we like watching Monday night football, so during season, every Monday we watch it at the neighborhood tavern and have a nice quiet dinner together. We make time for ourselves -- even if it means we meet somewhere between work and home and have an hour of just "our" time.

    Please remember our husband/SO have the same fleeting thoughts of packing up a camper and becoming a gypsy because of our difficult children. They aren't terrible men because they feel inadequate as a father. They are human.

    Also-- I think you're on to something about the growth spurt and emotional rage. My son recently did that and nobody (teachers, psychiatrist, etc.) took me seriously. I'm going to have to document the next one.

    Good luck!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us. Sounds like a really bad day yesterday. I've been in situations in the car very similar to yours and I know it isn't any fun. It certainly isn't safe. One of those times resulted in a hospitalization. When we told his child psychiatrist what had happened he said he needed to be hospitalized.

    Is he being seen by a child psychiatrist? Maybe it is time for a reevaluation. Another good thing would be to have him tested by a neuropsychologist.

    Again, welcome-you have found a great supportive group. :flower:
  5. tsp

    tsp New Member

    Thanks for the responses everyone. I was feeling pretty low yesterday. I have a good friend who has a child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) so knows something about difficult children and she came over in the afternoon with coffee, croissants and a shoulder, so I'm feeling much better.

    husband and I talked. He feels that he wouldnt' be helpful in the situation with ds right now, and I have to say that I agree. His way to support me is to take charge of our younger two when he gets home to give me some space and so I just have our difficult child to monitor.

    I've put our son back to square one with the b-mod program with a total loss of all priveleges. He has a daily checklist of things he has to do to earn priveleges. We'll see how it goes.

    I've made it clear to ds that he will not be allowed back into a vehicle until he can show that he knows that that kind of dangerous behavior is out of the question. That means no playdates or park visits. Not that he's earned them back yet, but still.

    I'm not at a place yet where I think we need to go back to the clinical psychologist or behavioral specialist because I want to get back on track with the b-mod first. We bear some responsiblity for going off the program just because things were going so well. Hello? They were going well because of the program. I guess I've learned my lesson.