New at this ODD and need suggestions....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ToriB923, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. ToriB923

    ToriB923 New Member

    My son is 11 and was finally diagnoised with ODD after two years of 'could be this...could be that...'. He does have a bi-lateral hearing loss 35dB and that has caused delays, along with a delay in small motor development, which causes MAJOR anxiety anytime he's to write as other children - one in particular who notifies others of some children's shortcomings...have made fun of him 'for writing like your in kindergarten'. His BioDad is long gone, has step-dad for last 9.5 yrs and two step-sisters 20/18.

    Situation at home has gone from kinda difficult to BAD. My son chooses not to work at school, and comes home with piles of homework because of that choice. So at home, we do the math - not too much of a fight, reading...not too much of a fight and then comes writing....there starts the escalation. He attempts to cause issue so he can get out of doing things - "if I do 'a' behavior, 'b' outcome gets me out of having to do the work'. Manipulation King if there ever was one. Well at home, I sit calmly 80% of the time while he freaks out and rants. If I don't react, he'll escalate to continue to get me to 'play into' whatever he's feeling or being. If I acknowledge, he continues to escalate. if I don't he continues to escalate or just shut down. Have had to physcially restrain him when the escalations go to that level - this occurs 1-3 x per week..... My husband is at his wits end - his children were perfect...seriously - never any issues, even at college. So this is quite a blow to that ego - he is a great man, with much patience - so for my son to rile him's not good.

    Psychs have worked with my son, and all are in agreement - including me who is anti-medications pro behavior modfication - that the anxiety he's feeling at school is coming into the home and dumped on 'safe person' which would be me. After he EXPLODES, he'll do the work with-o question, issue and such. But the emotional drain...too much. So...medications were discussed, thinking SSRI's to help with Anxiety - start small and see how things are after 60 days, along with possible enrollment in Martial Arts......was also suggested. Go to MD of psychiatric and she prescribes Abilify!!! WHAT?!?! it's not to be taken more than 6 weeks, and for 'anyone under 115lbs the metabolism for the smallest dosage is critical' per our pharmissit. Friend who is a child psychiatric advised me to stand up for myself with the MDPsych and let her know 'we don't want to bulldoze the house, just replace or repair the squeeky screendoor.'

    Abilify is for bi-polar "Which he doesn't have any symptoms of" or schizophrenia "Which he definitly doesn't have" but has anxiety "Which I clearly beleive the Abilify will help" tho it's not used at all for anxiety, and actually per Merck Manual - makes anxiety physical symptoms worse. UGH!!

    Any suggestions - if we can get him calmed down, he can get and use the tools the psychiatric is attempting to teach him....any parents out there with previous expeirnce. No ADD/HD at all. Just the ODD and small motor delays.


  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I do not know what to say about the medications. I just wonder why this one instead one of the other traditional anti-anxiety medications?

    Does he have an IEP at school? Is it due to the hearing loss? What do they say about the homework meltdowns?
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. As somebody who has a diagnosis. of bipolar/generalized anxiety disorder/panic disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (and had all that as a kid, but now has it under control) I'm not convinced he doesn't have bipolar. It presents differently in children (it certainly did with me). I did rage and have a lot of extremely high anxiety (I tried hard not to have to go to school and would be very sneaky about it because school scared me to death and made me feel like I was going to pass out). I spent a lot of time in the nurses office. I had learning difficulties too (sounds like your little guy may also, because of his writing). Before I'd throw up my hands, I'd get another evaluation. If he hasn't seen a neuropsychologist, I'd do that. They are about the best diagnosticians around, in my opinion even moreso than Psychiatrists (and I've seen tons of Psychiatarists--some are better than others, but not all of them diagnose right. It took me ten years to get diagnosed right). Abilify is a common medication for bipolar and raging. If you want to wait, take him to a neuropsychologist first and medicate him later, after you know more. As for hub, he has married you AND your child. You are a package deal. Whether he understands it or not, he's going to have to learn. You say he is wonderful, and I believe you, but difficult children can try the patience of a Saint. Regardless, he needs to get off the "male ego" bit (I have a hub with an ego too:) ) and realize that your child is not "bad." He has issues, and he, as the only father he knows, can really help a lot, but he shouldn't take anything personally. It's not his fault or your fault and it's not your child's fault either that he is wired differently. I can tell you from experience that it's not fun to be the kid who is always in trouble and unable to control yourself. Lastly, and this is JMO I hate SSRIs for kids. I have taken tons of them myself and they can make one VERY hyper and MORE nervous, and can cause you to feel suicidal too. They don't always do that, but they can...and kids can't necessarily express how they feel the way adults can. Some SSRIs landed me in the hospital.