New & At Wits end

[Heartsick]

I just found this site this morning. I have a 10 yr old girl, and we do not know what is wrong with her. History. She has had difficulty sleeping since she was little. She is only getting a few short hours a night. I can hear her wander the halls throughout the night. She is a terribly angry child, tells me how much she hates me on a regular basis, via words and notes. She is easily angered by the slightest change, words, or sight of me. She is mean and sometimes hurts her sister by pinching, shoving, tripping....When she becomes really mad, she hits, punches things, grabs her face and arms with her fingers, or pulls her hair. Her actions cause fighting yelling, in our home. If all of this is not enough to break my heart she is continually peeing in her bedroom. The newest thing, is peeing in a doll diaper, and shoving it in her drawer. Several weeks ago, she left the bathroom, went to her bedroom, stuffed a towel between her legs and peed. Although she showers daily, she will intentionally hide her dirty clothes/underware, just to wear them dirty. We make her do chores, which she hates, refuses to do right, causing her to redo them. Throughout her life, she has been a compulisive liar, even when I have watched her do something, she will swear she did not do it. She steals food from the kitchen in the night. She is conviced I installed a camera now. We took her to a child doctor, he put her on Cloniden to help her sleep, it did not work. We took her to a Christian counselor, she told her that she was abused, and made up a sack of lies, because the counselor sympthized with her, and daughter thought she bought it. I am completely at my wits end. I am heartsick, and do not know how to handle this. I work alot, but usually at my home office when my kids are home.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. Have some questions to ask you that will help us help you. And welcome to our board.

1/Is this a biological child and does she live with both parents? Are there any psychiatric issues or substance abuse on either side of her family tree? Has she ever been physically or sexually abused or do you suspect it may have happened?

2/How was her early development? Did she take on time, make good eye contact with everyone, like to be cuddled, act appropriately (then and now) with her same age peers? Does she have friends? How does she do at school? Does she ever act as if she doesn't "get it" (as in life in general). Is she spacey at times, sometimes seeming out of it? How are her motor skills? Does she have any sensitivities to light, sound, texture, foods? Can she transition from one activity to another? What are her strengths?

3/Has she EVER been evaulated by a private neuropsychologist. in my opinion a pediatrician and counselor will not be enough for her. She most likely has some sort of disorder and she needs a complete evaluation. neuropsychologist evaluations usually take 6-10 hours, but are very thorough and usually very good. She is getting older--in my opinion it is imperative that you have her evaluated now, before the teen years and adult years. She is not acting right and you need to find out why and to help her.

You may want to do a signature, like I did below.

Again, a great big welcome. Good people come here

 

['Chelle]

Just adding my hi Would ask many of the same questions as MWM so won't repeat. Except to agree that you should make arrangements to have your daughter evaluated. As these professionals take a while to get in to see, the sooner you set it up the better. Check with your local children's hospital if you have one, they would most likely be able to direct you where you can get this done, either a neuropsychologist or a multi-disciplinary evaluation are best. Be a squeaky wheel about getting on the cancellation list, miracles can happen. We got in to see our psychiatrist this spring a month earlier due to a cancellation, which NEVER happens with our psychiatrist as child psychs are few here LOL. Then while you're waiting for your appointment, make sure to do a parent report (check out the FAQ/Board Help forum for help in how to do this) and get all your questions & concerns written down. Makes your initial appointment MUCH easier if you're prepared a bit ahead, and you won't forget things you wanted to mention and ask. On the FAQ forum you can also find out the common abbreviations we use on the site, how to do a signature, reading suggestions. One suggestion that helped us was the book The Explosive Child, so I always recommend that one.

Welcome to the site . I hope you find the advice and ear to vent to you need.

 

[Heartsick]

Thanks for the reply, I will try to answer your questions. I am her bio mom, dad adopted her. Bio father was undiagnosed mental wreck. In my profession, I see many certified mentally ill people. She lives with us. We can not prove that she was sexually abused as a child, but wondered if her bio father had done something because of her behavioral issues at age 3. She is not a cuddle bug like my other daughter, and only slightly so if she thinks she is going to get something. If she discovers that she is not getting something, she turnes violent. She does act spacey, was held back in kindergarden because of lack of focus, too busy staring out the window. She has a couple of friends, but generally gets along with those a couple years younger. At this time, she is failing school. I know she can do the work, but is really lazy, and does not take the time to read the simplest questions. She is seemingly unable to entertain herself, or come up with things to do by herself. A kid told her to spray paint the side of my house, so she did. Not understanding that it would cause her grief. No she has not been evaluated by anyone. Thanks again, sometimes it helps to know that I am not the only one feeling like I want to jump off the tight rope. I will figure out how to add a sig. Thanks

 

[DDD]

Welcome. I, too, strongly support having a neuro-psychiatric evaluation completed on your daughter. Sadly there is a huge genetic component in mental health problems. If her behaviors have been abnormal for a decade, then obviously she needs outside professional help. Do not feel that you are a failure because you can't overcome these complex issues.With all due respect you need to seek much more sophisticated and highly trained medical professionals. Your daughter isn't just having a hard time. Your daughter is in need of help. We all will support you in any way we can. Many of us have different personalities and outlooks, lol. One thing is true of all of us......we are ready to help support you and your child. DDD

 

[DaisyFace]

Hello and Welcome--

Your daughter sounds so much like mine, I'm just going to send you a big ((((hug)))) for support and tell you that I understand your frustration!

--DaisyF