new day, new ideas, went well

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AllStressedOut, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Well, I'm about 60 pages short of finishing "The Explosive Child." It certainly helps to see that other kids have similar problems and gives hope that there are actually psychiatrists and/or pyschologists that might be able to handle my kids. I know quite a few people who may benefit from this book as well. I think they don't open up about their kids because they are ashamed or embarrassed and I wish they knew there were others who want them to talk. If we could all talk about it openly we would see we aren't alone in this.

    Something in the book did bother me though. It talked about why kids may be more likely to meltdown at home than school, one theory was that they are more comfortable at home. Mine depends on the time of year. If its the summer and I don't keep them occupied, they do meltdown at home. But typically, the meltdowns that happen most often are during the school year during the day. Does this mean the pre-k teacher who felt we ran our house like a concentration camp was right? That our kids don't feel comfortable at home so they have meltdowns at school? My train of thought is that if most of the meltdowns aren't happening with me, I must be doing something right for my difficult this right? I'm at a loss on this one.

    Anwyays, today instead of the typical grounding/taking priveledges away like we've been doing, which is making everyone's life miserable, we started a new schedule. Basically all 6 kids have something different to do every 30 minutes, with the exception of family time during the day and in the evening after husband gets home. The time consists of video games, TV, outside play, one on one parent time, reading time etc. and changes into nightly activities in the evening, like showers, brushing our teeth, journal writing and so on. The evening is broken up into smaller time periods. Anyways..I'm happy to report TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY! The best day we've had all summer and we've been out of school for 3 weeks now. I know I just found this forum a few days ago, but I was really at my wits end when I went looking for more help online. If it wasn't for this book ya'll recommended, I'm not sure I could have thought of more things to try. I was having my own meltdown. I hope the schedule really works and it keeps them from arguing so much. During the summer the two hardest things I have to deal with are the meltdowns from my difficult child's because they get so frustrated with their siblings, easy child and difficult child alike and my youngest difficult child who seems to intentionally do things to drive you crazy. In Texas, its a long summer this year, 3 full months. Life is not the same during the school year. Thats when I get to deal with their behavior during the school day and get the phone calls from the teachers or principal. I almost prefer it, because it gives me a small break during the day. Even though I spend 4 hours a day in the car driving kids to 3 different schools, I at least get some "me" time. It feels so selfish to say I need it, but I do. I crave it so much in the summer that I stay up late at night just to get some quiet "me" time before the next day starts. Then I pay for it the next day because I'm exhausted, but my second wind hits me the minute the kids go to sleep.

    The book doesn't seem to get into what to do about different types of behaviors. Like with my youngest difficult child who likes to do things he knows bother me or husband. Repetitive sounds, urinating in the bathtub or on the walls, putting clean clothes in the dirty laundry, picking at the texture on the wall and making holes, drawing on the walls, dropping his food on the floor at each meal, he finds this type of thing amusing. Any suggestions in how to handle that? I've had him clean things up himself, it doesn't seem to work on him. Its like the aggravation it causes husband or I is the reward. Its hard to ignore though. The sad thing is, if you were to tell someone who doesn't know my son, he drops his food on the floor, they'd wonder what the big deal was. Its not a big deal if he does it accidently, but when it happens every other bite at each meal, its not accidently and that is frustrating. Is this a fine motor skills problem? It seems purposeful considering the other things he does. Does anyone else deal with this type of behavior?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm really glad that the book has helped you. It's helped lots of us! You have so many kids. Really, I'm amazed you're still sane at I give you credit.

    "The Explosive Child" is basically a way to maintain while you find out what is really wrong with the kids and treat them. It's a way to diffuse tension in the house. It doesn't diagnose--no book can do that. You need to get private evaluations. If you have any kids who repeat words or compulsively do things over and over again, and just watch, I strongly recommend a neuropsychologist to see if the child is on the autism spectrum. It's usually first diagnosed as ADHD. My son used to echo, rock, and loved to switch lights on and off. I think the dropping food, if it intensely interests him, could be a fascination that could be traced to sensory issues. I'd still go ahead and try to get new evaluations, but am glad you are getting respite at home. I think your kids may meltdown more at school because they have LESS structure and more transitions, and your kids do well with structure. I think you two are GREAT parents. Many of us don't "get" how good structure is for our kids, trust me, I didn't get it. Also, school makes demands on them that you don't--maybe, mixed in with other stuff, they have Learning Disability (LD) problems or sensory problems or transitioning issues--there could be many reasons why they melt down at school more than home, but I don't think it has a thing to do with your parenting. I think it has more to do with the fact that your kids are different in make up than most kids, and may need special services. Not sure, but that's my take on it. I actually think your parenting instincts are outstanding :smile: A pre-k teacher hasn't a clue how to raise your kids in your home. She's an educator, not a Psychiatrist. Take care :smile:
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, what a great post!

    Congrats! I realize it's only one day, but the simple fact you deal with-6 kids every day is incredible, all by itself.

    I agree that the school issues could be Learning Disability (LD) related.

    The best part about this is that you have seen immediate results and the worst part about this is ... that you have seen immediate results... LOL! Expect ups and downs but don't give up this great new schedule!

    You must have more energy than Superman. Sheesh.

    by the way, I, too, get a 2nd wind when the kids go to bed. Very bad, as I know I have to get up in the a.m. and I will be exhausted. There's something so reassuring and peaceful about the dark and the quiet that makes me feel like I can actually accomplish something. Mostly, I think it's the quiet that allows me to "own" my emotions and thoughts again.

    Good luck, congrats, and more strength to you.
  4. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    <span style="color: #009900"><span style='font-family: Century Gothic'><span style='font-family: Century Gothic'>oh gosh all I read was 6 kids and felt the need to say "God Bless You!" LOL</span></span></span> :angel:
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad to hear the day went so well!
  6. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    Well, our easy child that is three has the dropping food problem and we found a good way to address it for her, every kid is different, but it might be worth a shot....

    Every night at dinner, they are given their food, and if they eat ALL of it, they can have more if they wish, and once they are done eating, they may have a snack. If they start dropping food in the floor, they are still made to clean up their mess, but they also aren't given another plate, and their snack for the night is taken away.

    This seems to help the problem, and at first until she got used to it, we would give her a few warnings, but only one or two, and then we would just be done with it. Some nights if she refuses to stop dropping food, she is asked to leave the table. It seems harsh, but she learned rather quickly that this is NO way to behave at the dinner table. Her doctor also suggested to us that we should start out giving her VERY SMALL amounts of food at a time with the understanding that if she eats it all, she can have more. She said that sometimes if KIDS see too much on their plate, they may get overwhelmed and not know what else to do besides find some way to get rid of it. She suggested that we cut up her meat and give her only four or five pieces at a time and only a few pieces of vegetable, and so on......

    As far as urinating on the walls and picking at the walls, I am not sure about that... we have never come across that so I really can't say. I agree that you should definitely continue making him clean it up, but if you think that his goal there is to get your attention, then maybe if you see he has made a mess, instead of saying anything about it, simply hand him the rag, point him in the direction of the wall, and walk away. Not saying anything else about it. Hopefully, he will learn if it doesn't get a reaction out of you that it isn't worth it to continue.... That doesn't sound very consequential, but at the same time, I don't really know what else to try???? :smile: Just thought I would offer a few suggestions. And hugs of course!!! You are a brave brave woman!!!!!