AllStressedOut
New Member
Well, I'm about 60 pages short of finishing "The Explosive Child." It certainly helps to see that other kids have similar problems and gives hope that there are actually psychiatrists and/or pyschologists that might be able to handle my kids. I know quite a few people who may benefit from this book as well. I think they don't open up about their kids because they are ashamed or embarrassed and I wish they knew there were others who want them to talk. If we could all talk about it openly we would see we aren't alone in this.
Something in the book did bother me though. It talked about why kids may be more likely to meltdown at home than school, one theory was that they are more comfortable at home. Mine depends on the time of year. If its the summer and I don't keep them occupied, they do meltdown at home. But typically, the meltdowns that happen most often are during the school year during the day. Does this mean the pre-k teacher who felt we ran our house like a concentration camp was right? That our kids don't feel comfortable at home so they have meltdowns at school? My train of thought is that if most of the meltdowns aren't happening with me, I must be doing something right for my difficult children..is this right? I'm at a loss on this one.
Anwyays, today instead of the typical grounding/taking priveledges away like we've been doing, which is making everyone's life miserable, we started a new schedule. Basically all 6 kids have something different to do every 30 minutes, with the exception of family time during the day and in the evening after husband gets home. The time consists of video games, TV, outside play, one on one parent time, reading time etc. and changes into nightly activities in the evening, like showers, brushing our teeth, journal writing and so on. The evening is broken up into smaller time periods. Anyways..I'm happy to report TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY! The best day we've had all summer and we've been out of school for 3 weeks now. I know I just found this forum a few days ago, but I was really at my wits end when I went looking for more help online. If it wasn't for this book ya'll recommended, I'm not sure I could have thought of more things to try. I was having my own meltdown. I hope the schedule really works and it keeps them from arguing so much. During the summer the two hardest things I have to deal with are the meltdowns from my difficult child's because they get so frustrated with their siblings, easy child and difficult child alike and my youngest difficult child who seems to intentionally do things to drive you crazy. In Texas, its a long summer this year, 3 full months. Life is not the same during the school year. Thats when I get to deal with their behavior during the school day and get the phone calls from the teachers or principal. I almost prefer it, because it gives me a small break during the day. Even though I spend 4 hours a day in the car driving kids to 3 different schools, I at least get some "me" time. It feels so selfish to say I need it, but I do. I crave it so much in the summer that I stay up late at night just to get some quiet "me" time before the next day starts. Then I pay for it the next day because I'm exhausted, but my second wind hits me the minute the kids go to sleep.
The book doesn't seem to get into what to do about different types of behaviors. Like with my youngest difficult child who likes to do things he knows bother me or husband. Repetitive sounds, urinating in the bathtub or on the walls, putting clean clothes in the dirty laundry, picking at the texture on the wall and making holes, drawing on the walls, dropping his food on the floor at each meal, he finds this type of thing amusing. Any suggestions in how to handle that? I've had him clean things up himself, it doesn't seem to work on him. Its like the aggravation it causes husband or I is the reward. Its hard to ignore though. The sad thing is, if you were to tell someone who doesn't know my son, he drops his food on the floor, they'd wonder what the big deal was. Its not a big deal if he does it accidently, but when it happens every other bite at each meal, its not accidently and that is frustrating. Is this a fine motor skills problem? It seems purposeful considering the other things he does. Does anyone else deal with this type of behavior?
Something in the book did bother me though. It talked about why kids may be more likely to meltdown at home than school, one theory was that they are more comfortable at home. Mine depends on the time of year. If its the summer and I don't keep them occupied, they do meltdown at home. But typically, the meltdowns that happen most often are during the school year during the day. Does this mean the pre-k teacher who felt we ran our house like a concentration camp was right? That our kids don't feel comfortable at home so they have meltdowns at school? My train of thought is that if most of the meltdowns aren't happening with me, I must be doing something right for my difficult children..is this right? I'm at a loss on this one.
Anwyays, today instead of the typical grounding/taking priveledges away like we've been doing, which is making everyone's life miserable, we started a new schedule. Basically all 6 kids have something different to do every 30 minutes, with the exception of family time during the day and in the evening after husband gets home. The time consists of video games, TV, outside play, one on one parent time, reading time etc. and changes into nightly activities in the evening, like showers, brushing our teeth, journal writing and so on. The evening is broken up into smaller time periods. Anyways..I'm happy to report TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY! The best day we've had all summer and we've been out of school for 3 weeks now. I know I just found this forum a few days ago, but I was really at my wits end when I went looking for more help online. If it wasn't for this book ya'll recommended, I'm not sure I could have thought of more things to try. I was having my own meltdown. I hope the schedule really works and it keeps them from arguing so much. During the summer the two hardest things I have to deal with are the meltdowns from my difficult child's because they get so frustrated with their siblings, easy child and difficult child alike and my youngest difficult child who seems to intentionally do things to drive you crazy. In Texas, its a long summer this year, 3 full months. Life is not the same during the school year. Thats when I get to deal with their behavior during the school day and get the phone calls from the teachers or principal. I almost prefer it, because it gives me a small break during the day. Even though I spend 4 hours a day in the car driving kids to 3 different schools, I at least get some "me" time. It feels so selfish to say I need it, but I do. I crave it so much in the summer that I stay up late at night just to get some quiet "me" time before the next day starts. Then I pay for it the next day because I'm exhausted, but my second wind hits me the minute the kids go to sleep.
The book doesn't seem to get into what to do about different types of behaviors. Like with my youngest difficult child who likes to do things he knows bother me or husband. Repetitive sounds, urinating in the bathtub or on the walls, putting clean clothes in the dirty laundry, picking at the texture on the wall and making holes, drawing on the walls, dropping his food on the floor at each meal, he finds this type of thing amusing. Any suggestions in how to handle that? I've had him clean things up himself, it doesn't seem to work on him. Its like the aggravation it causes husband or I is the reward. Its hard to ignore though. The sad thing is, if you were to tell someone who doesn't know my son, he drops his food on the floor, they'd wonder what the big deal was. Its not a big deal if he does it accidently, but when it happens every other bite at each meal, its not accidently and that is frustrating. Is this a fine motor skills problem? It seems purposeful considering the other things he does. Does anyone else deal with this type of behavior?