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New day, new problem with difficult child.... Punched window then used glass to cut himself.
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<blockquote data-quote="pajamas" data-source="post: 505194" data-attributes="member: 13499"><p>Your story has so many parallels to ours that it hurts. We were non-relative foster parents who intervened for custody and got it, but it came with court-ordered overnight visitation with bios much like yours. The visits only ended 4-5 years ago, and we and the kids are paying the emotional price. One difference is that we never finalized an adoption in order to keep the kids' medicaid eligibility in case we ever needed it. I'm in the process of getting it reinstated now. Our kids have very similar diagnoses - except Tink, who was removed earlier and hugged to death (also a possibility of a few different genes in that pool, but we won't go there <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> ). </p><p></p><p>Going off in a little bit different direction from others ...</p><p></p><p>We also have Cigna and I can tell you for a fact that they WILL pay for residential treatment, so long as they believe it is likely to cost them less in the long run. They approved CeCe's admission to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last week, and in some ways her problems seem less severe that your son's. Our psychiatrist advised that in order to get Residential Treatment Center (RTC) approved we needed to make the psychiatric hospital a revolving door - get her admitted every time she acted out violently, every time she threatened suicide or homicide (even though we all knew it was just threats), get her transported by EMS if we had to and tell the psychiatric hospital that she or we were in imminent danger. It took 3 admissions in 3 months (total of about 15 days inpatient). psychiatrist said the admissions needed to be right on top of each other - the previous 2 admissions a year apart didn't really count in insurance pea-brains. We might even have been able to do it faster if husband hadn't been soft-hearted about keeping her home for the holidays despite major provocation. We all knew that the psychiatric hospital stays weren't doing any good, we just had to play the game until the insurance got tired of paying $1000 a day for psychiatric hospital and felt Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be cheaper in the long run.</p><p></p><p>One of the big things we have in our favor is an excellent psychiatrist who is also on staff at the psychiatric hospital. We met him at CeCe's first psychiatric hospital admission (2008) and followed him into private practice, and followed him again when he changed hospital affiliations. With him on our side and guiding us through the process, we never had to worry that she wouldn't be admitted so long as they had beds (we or he called ahead). The one time we tried the psychiatric hospital closer to us, she got turned down. She also knows how to play the game and was sweet as pie at the hospital - <em>we</em> were the crazy ones! She usually topped it off with abuse charges that they were mandated to investigate (while she practically danced through the halls in her satisfaction about getting us in trouble). Point: You need to find a psychiatrist and therapist 1) whom you can trust, and 2) who understand attachment disorders. </p><p></p><p>You might consider finding someone who treats adolescents with borderline personality disorder as well. Cutting is a key symptom. No one will diagnose it in someone as young as yours (or so we were told about CeCe), but at least they'll be looking out for manifestations and considering DBT or other appropriate treatments depending on your difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Your description of the school meeting doesn't sound like he's on an IEP - are you working on one? In the meantime, you might consider a 504 Plan (ADA) - it's not enough, but it will at least trigger them to think about his diagnoses as the cause for his absences (and could keep you out of trouble for his "truancy" as opposed to his "medical condition"). You can initiate either with a parent request - is there one sympathetic teacher among the 10 that can tell you where to start in your school? (God, spare us from 'well-meaning' guidance counselors!) </p><p></p><p>Have you considered going back to the original placement agency for suggestions? If I'm reading your story correctly, it looks like you technically have a private adoption in the final analysis (i.e., the BPs relinquished custody and agreed to the adoption)? If the state was involved, you may have more options like special needs adoption services (even retroactively). Regardless, you might consider reaching out the the county representative of the state Office of Adoptions for recommendations. You should tell them you are trying to avoid a disrupted placement. I know you probably don't want to consider that option - and I'm not suggesting that you should - but it will get their attention. The Office of Adoptions will know of resources for parents of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. Given your situation, you will inevitably come to the attention of CPS, if it hasn't happened already, and it's way better to have taken the initiative to demonstrate you are doing your best in a difficult situation. </p><p></p><p>Others have also suggested involving your county mental health agency early - especially given that the police have already been involved. If the "system" first sees him as a child with mental health needs, you may be able to avoid getting juvenile justice involved. For other support group options, try your local NAMI chapter (national <a href="http://www.nami.org" target="_blank">www.nami.org</a> - Orlando <a href="http://www.namigo.org" target="_blank">www.namigo.org</a>). </p><p></p><p>OK - that's a lot - hopefully gives you some ideas. This is a long and lonely path without folks that understand. This site is a good place to start. Welcome,</p><p></p><p>PJ</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pajamas, post: 505194, member: 13499"] Your story has so many parallels to ours that it hurts. We were non-relative foster parents who intervened for custody and got it, but it came with court-ordered overnight visitation with bios much like yours. The visits only ended 4-5 years ago, and we and the kids are paying the emotional price. One difference is that we never finalized an adoption in order to keep the kids' medicaid eligibility in case we ever needed it. I'm in the process of getting it reinstated now. Our kids have very similar diagnoses - except Tink, who was removed earlier and hugged to death (also a possibility of a few different genes in that pool, but we won't go there :) ). Going off in a little bit different direction from others ... We also have Cigna and I can tell you for a fact that they WILL pay for residential treatment, so long as they believe it is likely to cost them less in the long run. They approved CeCe's admission to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last week, and in some ways her problems seem less severe that your son's. Our psychiatrist advised that in order to get Residential Treatment Center (RTC) approved we needed to make the psychiatric hospital a revolving door - get her admitted every time she acted out violently, every time she threatened suicide or homicide (even though we all knew it was just threats), get her transported by EMS if we had to and tell the psychiatric hospital that she or we were in imminent danger. It took 3 admissions in 3 months (total of about 15 days inpatient). psychiatrist said the admissions needed to be right on top of each other - the previous 2 admissions a year apart didn't really count in insurance pea-brains. We might even have been able to do it faster if husband hadn't been soft-hearted about keeping her home for the holidays despite major provocation. We all knew that the psychiatric hospital stays weren't doing any good, we just had to play the game until the insurance got tired of paying $1000 a day for psychiatric hospital and felt Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be cheaper in the long run. One of the big things we have in our favor is an excellent psychiatrist who is also on staff at the psychiatric hospital. We met him at CeCe's first psychiatric hospital admission (2008) and followed him into private practice, and followed him again when he changed hospital affiliations. With him on our side and guiding us through the process, we never had to worry that she wouldn't be admitted so long as they had beds (we or he called ahead). The one time we tried the psychiatric hospital closer to us, she got turned down. She also knows how to play the game and was sweet as pie at the hospital - [I]we[/I] were the crazy ones! She usually topped it off with abuse charges that they were mandated to investigate (while she practically danced through the halls in her satisfaction about getting us in trouble). Point: You need to find a psychiatrist and therapist 1) whom you can trust, and 2) who understand attachment disorders. You might consider finding someone who treats adolescents with borderline personality disorder as well. Cutting is a key symptom. No one will diagnose it in someone as young as yours (or so we were told about CeCe), but at least they'll be looking out for manifestations and considering DBT or other appropriate treatments depending on your difficult child. Your description of the school meeting doesn't sound like he's on an IEP - are you working on one? In the meantime, you might consider a 504 Plan (ADA) - it's not enough, but it will at least trigger them to think about his diagnoses as the cause for his absences (and could keep you out of trouble for his "truancy" as opposed to his "medical condition"). You can initiate either with a parent request - is there one sympathetic teacher among the 10 that can tell you where to start in your school? (God, spare us from 'well-meaning' guidance counselors!) Have you considered going back to the original placement agency for suggestions? If I'm reading your story correctly, it looks like you technically have a private adoption in the final analysis (i.e., the BPs relinquished custody and agreed to the adoption)? If the state was involved, you may have more options like special needs adoption services (even retroactively). Regardless, you might consider reaching out the the county representative of the state Office of Adoptions for recommendations. You should tell them you are trying to avoid a disrupted placement. I know you probably don't want to consider that option - and I'm not suggesting that you should - but it will get their attention. The Office of Adoptions will know of resources for parents of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids. Given your situation, you will inevitably come to the attention of CPS, if it hasn't happened already, and it's way better to have taken the initiative to demonstrate you are doing your best in a difficult situation. Others have also suggested involving your county mental health agency early - especially given that the police have already been involved. If the "system" first sees him as a child with mental health needs, you may be able to avoid getting juvenile justice involved. For other support group options, try your local NAMI chapter (national [URL="http://www.nami.org"]www.nami.org[/URL] - Orlando [URL="http://www.namigo.org"]www.namigo.org[/URL]). OK - that's a lot - hopefully gives you some ideas. This is a long and lonely path without folks that understand. This site is a good place to start. Welcome, PJ [/QUOTE]
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