New found respect for g f gs

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SuZir, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    With most of our g f gs the biggest problem is social. They are not behaving socially appropriate way in some (or in many or in any) situations. Reasons for that vary a lot, but in the end the social difficulties are why we are here. For me being socially appropriate has always come easy. I may be a bit withdrawn at times and more the observer than centre of the party, but I can pull proactive and chatty, if I want to. And I pride myself as a good-natured person who gets along with almost anyone. And I have never really had to work for any of that. It comes naturally. There has been some difficult moments where I have had to discipline myself to behave appropriately even I have not felt like it, but they have not been too common.

    Now I have been six days working together with our summer intern after I found out that she was one of those who hurt my child and put him to real and realistic mortal danger. I have tried to behave like nothing had changed, like I still would not know about this old incident, tried to be friendly and 'normal' towards her. And gosh, it has been difficult. It has demanded constant self-discipline, checking myself and lots of energy. And the thing that keeps me together is, that I know I don't need to do this much longer. Her internship is up in three weeks and she is back to school and after that I'm not likely to meet her very often. If someone would tell me that from now on every working day, or even worse 24/7, would demand this kind of self-discipline and energy, I would be running to the mountains. It would simply be unbearable for me.

    And then I understood, that it kind of is like that to my difficult child and probably to most of our g f gs. If they want to do good, if they want to do what we ask from them, they really have to work that hard everyday, whole time. It has to be incredible hard way to live your life! I can easily see why they would just let it go, not to bother even trying. My difficult child is one of those who tries, especially nowadays but also before. He has given up at times but most of the time he tries. And it has to be so hard for him. I think I have never really understood or appreciated how much work and energy it takes from him just to try. Just to wake up every morning and keep on trying (and still often failing.) If being a parent of the difficult child is not for sissies, neither is being a difficult child!

    I try to keep that better in my mind from now on.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2015
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, what a chance to see things from a different point of view. I know for my difficult child trying to be socially appropriate takes every ounce of energy he has and he still can't handle it. I like the idea of how you are looking at it!
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    SuZir... exactly.
    For some of our difficult child kids, this applies to more than just social skills.
    Many/most "school" skills - listening, writing, sitting still, etc. - can be similar-level effort.
    I wish there were a way to give teachers a similar experience to what you just had... a wee taste of what it's like to have to hold it together, all day, day after day...
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    That was horrible and awesome at the same time.