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New future Step-Mom needs help with probable ODD child
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<blockquote data-quote="JJJ" data-source="post: 416014" data-attributes="member: 1169"><p>:Grouphug: come on into our group...we have lots of strategies; take the ones that sound like they can help you, leave the rest. Heck, I think I have tried 99% of the suggestions I have gotten here with one kid or another. Some worked, some didn't but the support always helped.</p><p></p><p>Have you read the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It is a great help for kids like ours. It is what Allen's links are.</p><p></p><p>Essentially, make a list of all of the problems that you are having with LilPeace. Then you choose the ones that are critical (those involving safety, law breaking, etc) and put them in basket A. You take everything else and toss it in basket C. Save basket B for later.</p><p></p><p>A= Adult rules, these items are non-negotiable because they keep people safe</p><p>Examples</p><p>1. No hitting people or pets.</p><p>2. No firestarting.</p><p>3. Take your medications (meaning critical medications, not tylenol or other 'comfort' medications)</p><p></p><p>C=child rules, these items are annoying and bothersome but the world will not end if the child does what he wants</p><p>1. Cleaning his room.</p><p>2. Whining</p><p>3. Showering</p><p></p><p>B= both compromise</p><p>If the A basket behaviors are under control, then you choose a behavior from C that you would really like to see progress made. Let's take showering. You (best if it is you and dad, and stepmom if she is a regular part of his life) still down with LilPeace and do a CPS (collabarative problem solving) with him.</p><p></p><p>CPS</p><p>1. The adults need to express <strong><u>empathy</u></strong> that they understand that Lil doesn't want to stop playing to take a shower. That they too get caught up in (Facebook, reading, whatever your passion is) and don't want to stop either.</p><p></p><p>2. <strong><u>Define the problem</u></strong> Lil, it is important to us that you are clean. The problem is how to create a plan so that you shower often enough.</p><p></p><p>3. <strong><u>Invitation</u></strong> Ask Lil how he wants to solve the problem. Let him give his suggestions first before any adult pipes up. If ANY of Lil's suggestions work, then pick the best one and agree that you can do it that way. </p><p></p><p>Write down what has been agreed upon and decide on a time period (start short, maybe a week) to meet again and see how the plan is working. Put the follow-up meeting on the calendar.</p><p></p><p>We had the showering issue with Eeyore. His first solution was that he just never shower. Clearly that wouldn't work. His second suggestion was that he shower only on school morning and be allowed to skip showering on Saturday and Sunday. That worked for us, if he also agreed that if we were going somewhere nice on the weekend, that he would shower. He agreed, provided that he did not have to shower during school breaks. Fine. It has been almost two years and he showers most days now (even when there isn't school<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> ) Now, deoderant is a whole seperate battle..thankfully he has discovered girls and the school nurse told him girls like boys who wear deoderant <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I would read "The Explosive Child" cover to cover ASAP. It is a life saver. There is another book he wrote called "Lost At School" that I have found alot of their suggestions tohelp at home too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JJJ, post: 416014, member: 1169"] :Grouphug: come on into our group...we have lots of strategies; take the ones that sound like they can help you, leave the rest. Heck, I think I have tried 99% of the suggestions I have gotten here with one kid or another. Some worked, some didn't but the support always helped. Have you read the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It is a great help for kids like ours. It is what Allen's links are. Essentially, make a list of all of the problems that you are having with LilPeace. Then you choose the ones that are critical (those involving safety, law breaking, etc) and put them in basket A. You take everything else and toss it in basket C. Save basket B for later. A= Adult rules, these items are non-negotiable because they keep people safe Examples 1. No hitting people or pets. 2. No firestarting. 3. Take your medications (meaning critical medications, not tylenol or other 'comfort' medications) C=child rules, these items are annoying and bothersome but the world will not end if the child does what he wants 1. Cleaning his room. 2. Whining 3. Showering B= both compromise If the A basket behaviors are under control, then you choose a behavior from C that you would really like to see progress made. Let's take showering. You (best if it is you and dad, and stepmom if she is a regular part of his life) still down with LilPeace and do a CPS (collabarative problem solving) with him. CPS 1. The adults need to express [B][U]empathy[/U][/B] that they understand that Lil doesn't want to stop playing to take a shower. That they too get caught up in (Facebook, reading, whatever your passion is) and don't want to stop either. 2. [B][U]Define the problem[/U][/B] Lil, it is important to us that you are clean. The problem is how to create a plan so that you shower often enough. 3. [B][U]Invitation[/U][/B] Ask Lil how he wants to solve the problem. Let him give his suggestions first before any adult pipes up. If ANY of Lil's suggestions work, then pick the best one and agree that you can do it that way. Write down what has been agreed upon and decide on a time period (start short, maybe a week) to meet again and see how the plan is working. Put the follow-up meeting on the calendar. We had the showering issue with Eeyore. His first solution was that he just never shower. Clearly that wouldn't work. His second suggestion was that he shower only on school morning and be allowed to skip showering on Saturday and Sunday. That worked for us, if he also agreed that if we were going somewhere nice on the weekend, that he would shower. He agreed, provided that he did not have to shower during school breaks. Fine. It has been almost two years and he showers most days now (even when there isn't school:) ) Now, deoderant is a whole seperate battle..thankfully he has discovered girls and the school nurse told him girls like boys who wear deoderant ;) I would read "The Explosive Child" cover to cover ASAP. It is a life saver. There is another book he wrote called "Lost At School" that I have found alot of their suggestions tohelp at home too. [/QUOTE]
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