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General Parenting
New future Step-Mom needs help with probable ODD child
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 416169" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>We not infrequently receive posts from loving, well meaning fiancees who ask similar questions. I am blunt in my responses because I do sincerely care. When a couple bonds and dreams of their future the impact of a difficult child doesn't seem all that scarey.Everyone believes love will conquer all and it's just a matter of figuring out the answers. It's not that easy.</p><p> </p><p>I had a difficult child. I met and fell in love with a wonderful man who honestly didn't believe me when I told him it was best if I stayed single until that child was an adult. As the parent I was actively involved every single day, had the best professional help on board and still......it would have been better for both of us if we had remained in love as single people. difficult child's are not curable. difficult child's have issues based on factors that the incoming parent doesn't know or understand. Heck, the biological parent doesn't understand it themselves. You didn't cause the problems. You can't control the problems. Worse yet you are giving your all and the chances of happy resolution are slim, at best.</p><p> </p><p>The only person who can attend to difficult child problems is the biological custodial parent and it can't be done in a few hours a week.No matter how kind and caring your DF is (and I don't doubt that for a minute) he and only he has to be the leader. His son wants and needs his Dad to find him help, share the therapeutic process and most of all to be available. I apologize for not providing positive support as I am sure you want to do everything you can to change things. Don't feel guilty for feeling fear or anxiety etc. It is a normal reaction to the abnormal behaviors of difficult child's. The thing is...it is DF's respsonsibilty DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 416169, member: 35"] We not infrequently receive posts from loving, well meaning fiancees who ask similar questions. I am blunt in my responses because I do sincerely care. When a couple bonds and dreams of their future the impact of a difficult child doesn't seem all that scarey.Everyone believes love will conquer all and it's just a matter of figuring out the answers. It's not that easy. I had a difficult child. I met and fell in love with a wonderful man who honestly didn't believe me when I told him it was best if I stayed single until that child was an adult. As the parent I was actively involved every single day, had the best professional help on board and still......it would have been better for both of us if we had remained in love as single people. difficult child's are not curable. difficult child's have issues based on factors that the incoming parent doesn't know or understand. Heck, the biological parent doesn't understand it themselves. You didn't cause the problems. You can't control the problems. Worse yet you are giving your all and the chances of happy resolution are slim, at best. The only person who can attend to difficult child problems is the biological custodial parent and it can't be done in a few hours a week.No matter how kind and caring your DF is (and I don't doubt that for a minute) he and only he has to be the leader. His son wants and needs his Dad to find him help, share the therapeutic process and most of all to be available. I apologize for not providing positive support as I am sure you want to do everything you can to change things. Don't feel guilty for feeling fear or anxiety etc. It is a normal reaction to the abnormal behaviors of difficult child's. The thing is...it is DF's respsonsibilty DDD [/QUOTE]
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