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General Parenting
New future Step-Mom needs help with probable ODD child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 416370" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It was best for us when my husband (new stepfather) stopped trying to be the disciplinarian and ex and I parented together with hub being more l ike a friend. Not saying it's best for everybody's family, but the other way didn't work at all for us. I think it's very individual.</p><p></p><p>This kid has been kicked around a lot and it sounds to me like you have the #1 caregiver role to a child who probably feels like he doesn't know you that well and may resent you being in his life at all. He has already lost two mothers and now his father is not even divorced yet and he's going to get another one. From his point of view, he may see you as temporary. As one who went through marrying the stepfather, I always advise everyone who is thinking of jumping in to think it over verrrrrrrrrrrry carefully. in my opinion this child is not just love-deprived...he may have stopped looking for a mother figure and maybe doesn't even want one. He could have attachment disorder due to his unstable early upbringing. And in my opinion DF should try to get a job where he doesn't have to be away from his son so much. in my opinion that's not fair to either the child or to you. </p><p></p><p>This child is likely to remain very difficult and since his father is not in his life very much you are going to be the brunt of his frustration. Has DF ever had his evaluated at least?</p><p></p><p>Take care and I hope you think hard before you take the final leap. Maybe you should see a therapist on your own. This can not be easy. Good luck! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 416370, member: 1550"] It was best for us when my husband (new stepfather) stopped trying to be the disciplinarian and ex and I parented together with hub being more l ike a friend. Not saying it's best for everybody's family, but the other way didn't work at all for us. I think it's very individual. This kid has been kicked around a lot and it sounds to me like you have the #1 caregiver role to a child who probably feels like he doesn't know you that well and may resent you being in his life at all. He has already lost two mothers and now his father is not even divorced yet and he's going to get another one. From his point of view, he may see you as temporary. As one who went through marrying the stepfather, I always advise everyone who is thinking of jumping in to think it over verrrrrrrrrrrry carefully. in my opinion this child is not just love-deprived...he may have stopped looking for a mother figure and maybe doesn't even want one. He could have attachment disorder due to his unstable early upbringing. And in my opinion DF should try to get a job where he doesn't have to be away from his son so much. in my opinion that's not fair to either the child or to you. This child is likely to remain very difficult and since his father is not in his life very much you are going to be the brunt of his frustration. Has DF ever had his evaluated at least? Take care and I hope you think hard before you take the final leap. Maybe you should see a therapist on your own. This can not be easy. Good luck! :) [/QUOTE]
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