new hear and falling apart at the seams

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by luvmyfourkids, Sep 20, 2010.

  1. Hi,

    I am new hear, looking for others that are in my situation. I have a 9 year old boy who has had anxiety issues since first grade. All revolving around separation from me. We have gone back and forth through countless battles of his refusal to go to school. To the point that I literally have to drag him into the car, lock the house doors, drive him to school and it takes the principle to come out to the car to get him in the school. We have started back at a therapist last week, of course that has not helped yet. He eventually gets into class and when there, seems happy and has fun. Some days it takes up to 2 hours to get him there. His anxiety comes out in anger with me. Yelling at me, talking back, just being downright nasty. Our mornings are so stressful, and I am on my last ounce of patience. There is so much more I could type, but that the jist of it.:(
  2. Blue Nude

    Blue Nude Guest

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm new to this forum as well, and am finding it a bit comforting just knowing I'm not alone.

    My daughter went through a bad stage of separation anxiety when she was 5-6 years old. I couldn't go into the closet or bathroom without her. She would scream at the window if I went out to the mailbox. It was hell. However, if it was her choice to leave me, she was fine. She would walk onto the school bus and leave me, but I couldn't walk away from her.

    I don't imagine that helps your situation any, but I wonder if it becomes his choice to go and not something you force him to do... I don't know how you get to that point when he's already resistant, however.

    Sharing your pain,
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, I have very little experience with-that. Mine would prefer to stay home than go out and meet new people, but we make him do it anyway. It was rough when he was about 2-3 but I'd sit with-him on the floor at daycare and preschool for about and hr and then sneak out. Wish I had some ideas. Others here will be able to help.
    I just wanted to welcome you.
  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    My daughter had that separation anxiety when she was younger. If husband took her to school, it wasn't an issue. Is there someone else that can take him for you?

    She has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and when she was older, she was afraid to go places in the house by herself. We worked with a therapist who specialized in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and CBT/ERP therapy and that cured her of this obsession. The therapy involved my daughter being alone in a room by herself or going places by herself for short periods of time, while focusing on her fear. The therapist came to our house to work with her. She learned that the fear goes away on its own, even if she does do it. Now, she doesn't even have that fear. I'm not sure of the logistics of it for your son's problem, but it seems like that kind of therapy would be more helpful than the standard talk therapy or behaviour management therapy.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Has he been specifically diagnosed with anxiety? Any councelling in the past?

    My difficult child has anxiety. He was hospitalized for it (to be diagnosed) and given tools and medications to help him get control.

    He did take a medication in the morning to help him get to school. It took the edge off his fears.

    Therapy does take time. It is sometimes hard for the kids to really understand what to tell the therapist. Kids don't understand that not everyone feels the same, plus, they don't really understand some of the terminology such as the word "trigger" in "what is one of your triggers?".

    For my difficult child, it felt like we were working the issue backwards. First give medications to help control (He was so far gone that there was no way he could do this without the help of medications), then look for possible things that "trigger" (though sometimes the anxiety will not have a "trigger") such as lack of sleep, a new situation, ect., then figure out how to recognize the anxiety at the earliest moment, then choose a weapon to combat it (deep breathing, journalling, telling someone, etc.). It is like we started from where he was at - super deep anxiety - and pushed it back to a controllable level.

    The other thing to keep in mind is that all kids react differently on the different medications. We felt blessed that the doctors seemed to hit it right on the first time and each medication was correct at the time. If you do decide to go the medication route (follow you mommy instinct and make sure all your questions are addressed before going this way or not) you may have to be patient and don't be too upset if the first few medications do not work.

    Seems like so many on board have stories on how the different medications worked or didn't work for them so feel free to ask about certain ones if this is an option you are considering.

    Just had another thought - Does your child have a good friend at school? Could it be arranged for that friend to meet him at the front door and face the day together?
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome. I'm sorry things are so rough right now. (((Hugs)))
  7. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Wow, that's a lot of energy to get a 9yr old to school. I never underestimate the effect of anxiety. It paralyzes people. No amount of logic works. My suggestion would be to have an expert who deals with anxiety work with him. There is cognitive behavioral therapy that has worked for many and medication(if it is indicated).
    I'm sorry for your little guy to have to go through this amount of terror every morning. I feel for you who carries the brunt of his rage and the worry of trying to help your son.