New! Help!!

[hearts and roses]

ravengal, for sure it is a Catch-22 situation. I know how that feels - it's like you're trying to negotiate with a tree.

We told difficult child that if she didn't work or go to school, she would not be allowed to live here. She stayed at a friend's house for a few days before we shipped her off to her dad's and all she kept saying was that she wanted to live at home and would do anything to do so. She said, "I realized I'm not ready to be on my own. I'm not ready anyway. I miss my bed and my puppy." It was kind of pathetic, actually, she sounded so immature for her age. But then, she IS a difficult child, after all.

Your daughter sounds like she may be ready to be on her own...perhaps not in regards to her education, but she seems pretty capable of taking care of herself. Maybe its time for her to start shopping for some place closer to her work so she walk. Maybe one of her girlfriend's would like to share a place? I was just under 19 when I got my first apt and even though I barely made a living, I eeked out an existence and still had time and money to play. It taught me a lot. I can look back now and see that I was a difficult child in some ways myself and a little push won't hurt. Sink or swim, as they say.

Best of luck figuring it out.

ps: I hope our difficult child does not test us much because making her leave will be heartbreaking for me. But I will do it if I have to.

 

[meowbunny]

She's 18. She's freeloading. She's eating her cake and having it, too.

You need to give her some serious options -- if she won't pay rent, etc., she needs to find a new place to live. If paying minimal rent and paying for gas gives her an excuse to not buy a car, why is that your problem? If she won't contribute to at least that much, she can find another way to work. If she loses her job because of no transportation, give her one month to find a new job. If no job by then, again, show her the door.

Yes, telling your child who is not prepared to survive in this world to leave is an incredibly hard thing to do. I know, I did it. It was also the best thing I did for my daughter. She's home now but is much more responsible, looking towards her future. You don't have to expect perfection, just someone who is growing. She's not doing that right now.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Raven,

I believe that you should not have to confiscate her paychecks. She's grown, and SHOULD be able to budget her money responsibly. BUT, if she is that irresponsible that you DO have to grab her checks, then you should sit down with her and do a budget sheet. Show her where her money needs to go. Gas, room board, and before she gets any, hold money for her towards a car.

If she is not okay with that arrangement, then I have to agree with Meowbunny. Time to set her free. Very hard to do, and may only be temporary.

Best of luck!