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New here. “Loaning” rent and buying food for nearly 19-year old who just squandered $30,000
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 648164" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, one word: DRUGS</p><p></p><p>Clearly his moods are being aggravated by drugs and that is probably why he got paranoid. It's probably the main reason he wanted money for everything. The habit is costly. Eventually they sell drugs to take drugs (my daughter who once was an addict tells me this) and they can steal as well and be VERY abusive when on certain drugs. If your son was always delusional about being special and gifted and above everyone else he may also have narcissistic personality disorder. These are NOT fun people to live with and they rarely change because they don't believe there is anything wrong with them. However, along with drugs, you have somebody who could be dangerous to you. Meth is very serious. My daughter took it. Miraculously, because it is so hard to kick, she quit using it. It was not the only drug she used. Of course, being a mother who wanted to believe, I thought she was only smoking pot. Of course, I was also wrong and heard about it AFTER she quit. What a horror story. Oh, the things I didn't know and now am glad I didn't know!!</p><p></p><p>I don't know much about gambling. We do have one member whose son had a gambling problem and perhaps she will check in. It's another addiction, showing he has an addictive personality. He could have been hoping to win money to pay for drugs too. Again, know nothing about gambling addiction.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what resources you have where you live. I'm confused as to whether you are in Australia or the UK. Either way, do use all the resources you have for yourself and be good to you. You did not deserve this and you can not help your difficult little sweetheart. He is what he is and at his age (if the legal age in your country is over 18), he is on his own to try to change. We have 0% control over another, even a grown child we love. But we have 100% control over how we deal with it. We can enable and feel guilty forever...some 80 year olds still pay expenses for 60 year old "children"...or we can learn coping skills and go on to enjoy and live a full and happy life and let our grown kids learn by natural consequences.</p><p></p><p>I do not know if Al-Anon is used much where you live. It is huge here and it helped me a lot. It wasn't so much the religious part as I am very spiritual more than religious, and there is a big difference, however the friendship of others and the understanding was paramount to my survival and my own recovery from enabling and rescuing my grown children. And my life is peaceful and happy and so good and every day I count my blessings because we all have blessings.</p><p></p><p>You may consider possibly not always answering your son's texts or not reading his FB as it is often upsetting and there is no up side to being unhappy. We don't help them if we are in a bad place, and we are no good for ourselves or our kinder loved ones and friends.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you had to come here. I hope you will stay. Try to do something nice for yourself tonight. This is not your fault and since your son is now a man, it is his path of life to walk. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. It's impossible.</p><p></p><p>Please, if you have a good relationship with Daughter, beg her on your knees, if necessary, not to go near him while alone. He is obviously capable of extreme anger, violence, and is probably a danger to all of you, but has shown he is a danger to her while driving with her. She may decide on her own to give him lots and lots of space!!!! Your son is lucky he lives where he lives. In the U.S. he'd definitely be arrested for kicking in the door and possibly be put in jail. I think it's a good thing that we don't let stuff like that go.</p><p></p><p>One last thing: If he is friendly and comfortable with others he isn't Aspergers. My son has high functioning autism and it is all about social skills, obsessing over certain things, and most are very socially inappropriate and prefer being alone once they are your son's age. Even if he did have it, he himself is responsible for getting treatment. You can not make him get anything...it is up to him. I think the personality problem thang is probably right. There are personality disorders and they are serious to others more than to the person, but they are not very treatable and usually the person afflicted does not accept help. So I actually think they are saying personality problem so as to not have to say personality disorder. But in my opinion he sounds like that's his problem. That's common with the adult kids on this forum.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 648164, member: 1550"] Well, one word: DRUGS Clearly his moods are being aggravated by drugs and that is probably why he got paranoid. It's probably the main reason he wanted money for everything. The habit is costly. Eventually they sell drugs to take drugs (my daughter who once was an addict tells me this) and they can steal as well and be VERY abusive when on certain drugs. If your son was always delusional about being special and gifted and above everyone else he may also have narcissistic personality disorder. These are NOT fun people to live with and they rarely change because they don't believe there is anything wrong with them. However, along with drugs, you have somebody who could be dangerous to you. Meth is very serious. My daughter took it. Miraculously, because it is so hard to kick, she quit using it. It was not the only drug she used. Of course, being a mother who wanted to believe, I thought she was only smoking pot. Of course, I was also wrong and heard about it AFTER she quit. What a horror story. Oh, the things I didn't know and now am glad I didn't know!! I don't know much about gambling. We do have one member whose son had a gambling problem and perhaps she will check in. It's another addiction, showing he has an addictive personality. He could have been hoping to win money to pay for drugs too. Again, know nothing about gambling addiction. I do not know what resources you have where you live. I'm confused as to whether you are in Australia or the UK. Either way, do use all the resources you have for yourself and be good to you. You did not deserve this and you can not help your difficult little sweetheart. He is what he is and at his age (if the legal age in your country is over 18), he is on his own to try to change. We have 0% control over another, even a grown child we love. But we have 100% control over how we deal with it. We can enable and feel guilty forever...some 80 year olds still pay expenses for 60 year old "children"...or we can learn coping skills and go on to enjoy and live a full and happy life and let our grown kids learn by natural consequences. I do not know if Al-Anon is used much where you live. It is huge here and it helped me a lot. It wasn't so much the religious part as I am very spiritual more than religious, and there is a big difference, however the friendship of others and the understanding was paramount to my survival and my own recovery from enabling and rescuing my grown children. And my life is peaceful and happy and so good and every day I count my blessings because we all have blessings. You may consider possibly not always answering your son's texts or not reading his FB as it is often upsetting and there is no up side to being unhappy. We don't help them if we are in a bad place, and we are no good for ourselves or our kinder loved ones and friends. I am sorry you had to come here. I hope you will stay. Try to do something nice for yourself tonight. This is not your fault and since your son is now a man, it is his path of life to walk. You can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. It's impossible. Please, if you have a good relationship with Daughter, beg her on your knees, if necessary, not to go near him while alone. He is obviously capable of extreme anger, violence, and is probably a danger to all of you, but has shown he is a danger to her while driving with her. She may decide on her own to give him lots and lots of space!!!! Your son is lucky he lives where he lives. In the U.S. he'd definitely be arrested for kicking in the door and possibly be put in jail. I think it's a good thing that we don't let stuff like that go. One last thing: If he is friendly and comfortable with others he isn't Aspergers. My son has high functioning autism and it is all about social skills, obsessing over certain things, and most are very socially inappropriate and prefer being alone once they are your son's age. Even if he did have it, he himself is responsible for getting treatment. You can not make him get anything...it is up to him. I think the personality problem thang is probably right. There are personality disorders and they are serious to others more than to the person, but they are not very treatable and usually the person afflicted does not accept help. So I actually think they are saying personality problem so as to not have to say personality disorder. But in my opinion he sounds like that's his problem. That's common with the adult kids on this forum. Hugs!!! [/QUOTE]
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New here. “Loaning” rent and buying food for nearly 19-year old who just squandered $30,000
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