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New Here - 18 difficult child stealing
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 580864" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi Socalmama, welcome to our special place, I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you are involved in this drama with your daughter. It's a familiar story, right up to our kids finding other parents where they can stay. This is in fact a common occurrence. I believe our kids (or difficult child's as we refer to them, "gifts from God.") are very good at telling tales that make others feel sorry for them, they are usually very good at manipulating to get their needs met. </p><p></p><p>My belief is you have to keep a strong boundary around her, stealing is not only unethical, immoral and untrustworthy, it is illegal. Without natural consequences, your daughter has no incentive to stop stealing. You must follow your own heart in these matters. What has worked for many of us is to make it clear what we will accept and what we won't and hold strong. There is no reason to throw her completely overboard, as long as she is respectful of you and treats you well. If she is disrespectful, aggressive, violent or in any way violates your sense of right and wrong, you must set boundaries around that. </p><p></p><p>At 18 she is considered an adult. You cannot force her to do anything, you can't control her behavior nor can you change it. If she doesn't work, doesn't graduate, doesn't do anything but smoke pot all day, there isn't anything can do but speak to her about her choices if that feels right and is met with respect. Things may indeed get a lot worse, in spite of all your best care and support of her, she may be one of those kids who needs to learn via hard knocks. And, if that's the case, it will be appropriate for you to allow that without stepping in. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. And, I'm happy you found us, you will find much support here. I hope you get lots of support around you set up as well, counseling if that feels right, parent groups, keep yourself well taken care of because this journey of detachment is very hard on us parents and we need all the help we can get. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 580864, member: 13542"] Hi Socalmama, welcome to our special place, I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you are involved in this drama with your daughter. It's a familiar story, right up to our kids finding other parents where they can stay. This is in fact a common occurrence. I believe our kids (or difficult child's as we refer to them, "gifts from God.") are very good at telling tales that make others feel sorry for them, they are usually very good at manipulating to get their needs met. My belief is you have to keep a strong boundary around her, stealing is not only unethical, immoral and untrustworthy, it is illegal. Without natural consequences, your daughter has no incentive to stop stealing. You must follow your own heart in these matters. What has worked for many of us is to make it clear what we will accept and what we won't and hold strong. There is no reason to throw her completely overboard, as long as she is respectful of you and treats you well. If she is disrespectful, aggressive, violent or in any way violates your sense of right and wrong, you must set boundaries around that. At 18 she is considered an adult. You cannot force her to do anything, you can't control her behavior nor can you change it. If she doesn't work, doesn't graduate, doesn't do anything but smoke pot all day, there isn't anything can do but speak to her about her choices if that feels right and is met with respect. Things may indeed get a lot worse, in spite of all your best care and support of her, she may be one of those kids who needs to learn via hard knocks. And, if that's the case, it will be appropriate for you to allow that without stepping in. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. And, I'm happy you found us, you will find much support here. I hope you get lots of support around you set up as well, counseling if that feels right, parent groups, keep yourself well taken care of because this journey of detachment is very hard on us parents and we need all the help we can get. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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