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General Parenting
New here- 7 y/o son with ADHD/ODD, tearing us apart.
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 498278" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Can you say more about what you mean when you say that bargaining, discussions and the like are counterproductive with these children? How are you defining bargaining and discussions? Each child is so individual, of course. I and many others have found that if explanations are given to my son, he will more likely comply. Is that "discussion"? </p><p>I think... at the heart of these children is a real feeling of low self-esteem. The opposition and defiance masks this, of course, and they come across as arrogant and unbearably cocky. But the very opposite is true. I have begun to realise that my son really does see himself as "naughty" (perhaps even inherently bad?) and I am really taking EVERY opportunity to tell him that he is lovable, lovely, etc. Of course the ODD behaviour is anything and everything BUT lovely and so this is very hard to do sometimes. At the age of five, though, there is still so much sweetness and innocence going on. </p><p>How do break the negative cycle, I think you are perhaps facing that conundrum? Your son's behaviour is obnoxious, you obviously withdraw from him in some sense - it is completely natural - and he then becomes all the more obnoxious. How do you fit one on one time in with your son? I would imagine his relationship with his father is particularly important - do they get a chance to spend time alone together? </p><p>Just a few thoughts...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 498278, member: 11227"] Can you say more about what you mean when you say that bargaining, discussions and the like are counterproductive with these children? How are you defining bargaining and discussions? Each child is so individual, of course. I and many others have found that if explanations are given to my son, he will more likely comply. Is that "discussion"? I think... at the heart of these children is a real feeling of low self-esteem. The opposition and defiance masks this, of course, and they come across as arrogant and unbearably cocky. But the very opposite is true. I have begun to realise that my son really does see himself as "naughty" (perhaps even inherently bad?) and I am really taking EVERY opportunity to tell him that he is lovable, lovely, etc. Of course the ODD behaviour is anything and everything BUT lovely and so this is very hard to do sometimes. At the age of five, though, there is still so much sweetness and innocence going on. How do break the negative cycle, I think you are perhaps facing that conundrum? Your son's behaviour is obnoxious, you obviously withdraw from him in some sense - it is completely natural - and he then becomes all the more obnoxious. How do you fit one on one time in with your son? I would imagine his relationship with his father is particularly important - do they get a chance to spend time alone together? Just a few thoughts... [/QUOTE]
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New here- 7 y/o son with ADHD/ODD, tearing us apart.
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