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General Parenting
New here and could use some advice...please
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 171972" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Colleen and welcome.</p><p> </p><p>This is a real tough one because our agressive difficult children can really do a number on the siblings. On one hand, Joe has worked and made progress and shouldn't be penalized for past bad acts. on the other hand, Jacob absolutely has the right to feel safe in his own home - and that emotional abuse can be as devastating as the physical and in my home it was much harder to catch the whispered threats of death and mayhem.</p><p> </p><p>I would go forward with the sessions with the 2 boys and see how it goes. I would also involve Jacob in coming up with a safety plan. What does he think would help him feel safe? Locks are good - I used a keyed lock the last time thank you lived at home because he was actively trying to go after my 2 youngest and had figured out how to undo the twisty lock things you usually get on indoor doors.</p><p> </p><p>Another thought would be respite or a big brother or mentor program for one or both of the boys. Involvement in community activities - basically keeping them both as busy and supervised as possible, especially during the hours that you're not able to be there.</p><p> </p><p>I think Joe also needs to understand the concept of lost trust. Trust is given freely the first time around - if you loose it and have to re-earn it, it's ten times harder. My son always thought that was unfair but... his terrorization of his siblings was also beyond unfair. Joe needs to understand that he has to make amends and it's squarely on his shoulders - Jacob is perfectly reasonable to not trust him until he proves himself. Sounds like you have very reasonable boundaries and consequences.</p><p> </p><p>I hope the reunification goes smoothly and that both of your boys continue with their progress.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 171972, member: 8"] Hi Colleen and welcome. This is a real tough one because our agressive difficult children can really do a number on the siblings. On one hand, Joe has worked and made progress and shouldn't be penalized for past bad acts. on the other hand, Jacob absolutely has the right to feel safe in his own home - and that emotional abuse can be as devastating as the physical and in my home it was much harder to catch the whispered threats of death and mayhem. I would go forward with the sessions with the 2 boys and see how it goes. I would also involve Jacob in coming up with a safety plan. What does he think would help him feel safe? Locks are good - I used a keyed lock the last time thank you lived at home because he was actively trying to go after my 2 youngest and had figured out how to undo the twisty lock things you usually get on indoor doors. Another thought would be respite or a big brother or mentor program for one or both of the boys. Involvement in community activities - basically keeping them both as busy and supervised as possible, especially during the hours that you're not able to be there. I think Joe also needs to understand the concept of lost trust. Trust is given freely the first time around - if you loose it and have to re-earn it, it's ten times harder. My son always thought that was unfair but... his terrorization of his siblings was also beyond unfair. Joe needs to understand that he has to make amends and it's squarely on his shoulders - Jacob is perfectly reasonable to not trust him until he proves himself. Sounds like you have very reasonable boundaries and consequences. I hope the reunification goes smoothly and that both of your boys continue with their progress. [/QUOTE]
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