carolinablonde
New Member
I'm so glad I found this site. I don't like that others have to go through what we do, but at least I know I'm not alone. I'll try to make a very long story short...
I married the man of my dreams this past year. He used to be a foster parent and adopted a sibling group of 3. He also has 1 bio son that lives with his mom. I have two bio daughters that I share custody of. husband always had issues with one of the girls he adopted(I'll call her "C"). She would have "meltdowns" and there's no reasoning. She has no cause and effect. Over the summer her episodes became more and more frequent. In November we found out that her half brother(one that she was adopted with), had been sexually abusing her for years. Full intercourse. He would go and get her when everyone was asleep. Because she has a low IQ, this was considered a felony and he is now in therapeutic foster care. Since this all came out her fits have gotten even more frequent. She has been hospitalized 4 times since December 30. The longest was 11 days, the shortest was 6. She has medicaid because she was adopted out of foster and they will only pay for 10 days in the psychiatric hospital. During her fits she will destroy everything in her way. She will tear her room apart, punch holes in the wall, break down the door, etc. She threatens to hurt herself, she threatens to kill me, her dad, and most recently my 7 year old daughter. If there's a knife out from me cooking in the kitchen, she'll grab it and go after her dad. This last time she also threatened to kill the gerbil. She also runs away. She has run 4 times recently. She has no idea where she's going, she just goes. The last hospital she was at she told them that if the fences weren't up she would run away. They still discharged her that day. Her last situation was almost 2 weeks ago and she's been in the hospital since then(11 days). We have been working with a company that was supposed to do intensive in home therapy. With everything going on, they've decided that she needs to be in a long term residential facility. Our hope was that she would be discharged directly to the facility from the hospital. Well, we were told this morning that the hospital is discharging her and there's nothing we can do about it. Medicaid will not pay anymore because the doctor said she's stable enough to go home. We do not feel safe with her being here. My ex does not feel safe with my girls here. I don't feel safe with my girls being here. As of right now, "C" will be home this evening. They are trying to get her into the long term as fast as they can, but my fear is that she will not be accepted or that medicaid will deny her and then I don't know what we will do. It is really starting to effect the whole family.
I suppose I should fill you in on her diagnosis's as well. She's recently been diagnosed with ODD, PTSD and cyclothemia. She also has possible Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). She is on lithium and geodon. Her birth mother also did drugs and used alcohol while she was pregnant. "C" was born premature and weighed less then 2 pounds. She was severly abused and neglected by her birth parents. They would lock her in the bathroom when she was 2 years old because they didn't know how to deal with her eating(she also has Pica). Then after they were adopted by my husband and his ex-wife, she started abusing "C". So, there is a long history of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. "C" has no attachement to anyone.
Anyway, I'm not sure where to go from here. Is there anything we can do other then wait for her to finally be placed in long term?
I'm sure I've left alot out...but this is the situation in a nutshell.
Please help...we are desperate...
thanks so much in advance!
I married the man of my dreams this past year. He used to be a foster parent and adopted a sibling group of 3. He also has 1 bio son that lives with his mom. I have two bio daughters that I share custody of. husband always had issues with one of the girls he adopted(I'll call her "C"). She would have "meltdowns" and there's no reasoning. She has no cause and effect. Over the summer her episodes became more and more frequent. In November we found out that her half brother(one that she was adopted with), had been sexually abusing her for years. Full intercourse. He would go and get her when everyone was asleep. Because she has a low IQ, this was considered a felony and he is now in therapeutic foster care. Since this all came out her fits have gotten even more frequent. She has been hospitalized 4 times since December 30. The longest was 11 days, the shortest was 6. She has medicaid because she was adopted out of foster and they will only pay for 10 days in the psychiatric hospital. During her fits she will destroy everything in her way. She will tear her room apart, punch holes in the wall, break down the door, etc. She threatens to hurt herself, she threatens to kill me, her dad, and most recently my 7 year old daughter. If there's a knife out from me cooking in the kitchen, she'll grab it and go after her dad. This last time she also threatened to kill the gerbil. She also runs away. She has run 4 times recently. She has no idea where she's going, she just goes. The last hospital she was at she told them that if the fences weren't up she would run away. They still discharged her that day. Her last situation was almost 2 weeks ago and she's been in the hospital since then(11 days). We have been working with a company that was supposed to do intensive in home therapy. With everything going on, they've decided that she needs to be in a long term residential facility. Our hope was that she would be discharged directly to the facility from the hospital. Well, we were told this morning that the hospital is discharging her and there's nothing we can do about it. Medicaid will not pay anymore because the doctor said she's stable enough to go home. We do not feel safe with her being here. My ex does not feel safe with my girls here. I don't feel safe with my girls being here. As of right now, "C" will be home this evening. They are trying to get her into the long term as fast as they can, but my fear is that she will not be accepted or that medicaid will deny her and then I don't know what we will do. It is really starting to effect the whole family.
I suppose I should fill you in on her diagnosis's as well. She's recently been diagnosed with ODD, PTSD and cyclothemia. She also has possible Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). She is on lithium and geodon. Her birth mother also did drugs and used alcohol while she was pregnant. "C" was born premature and weighed less then 2 pounds. She was severly abused and neglected by her birth parents. They would lock her in the bathroom when she was 2 years old because they didn't know how to deal with her eating(she also has Pica). Then after they were adopted by my husband and his ex-wife, she started abusing "C". So, there is a long history of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. "C" has no attachement to anyone.
Anyway, I'm not sure where to go from here. Is there anything we can do other then wait for her to finally be placed in long term?
I'm sure I've left alot out...but this is the situation in a nutshell.
Please help...we are desperate...
thanks so much in advance!
We have them on a week on, week off schedule. So, I will have them for a full week and then he has them for the next full week. Although, because of his and his wifes work schedules, I frequently have them overnight a couple nights during his week. Of course, tonight and tomorrow night are those nights and then they come back with me on Friday for a week. I spoke with my ex and let him know what's going on. He said he felt comfortable with my plan for their safety and was ok with them being with me for the short term, but we left it up to the girls because they have stated that they are sometimes afraid when they are here. My oldest didn't want to come. She was very upset that C was coming home. They have a lot of conflicts so I expected that reaction. She also said she doesn't like to see C hurt me, and threaten to kill me, which is totally understandable. In the end she decided she would come, but only because they would get here after C would be in her room. Turns out, they are now not discharging her until the morning, but it will still be an issue for tomorrow night. She has an alarm on her door and it will be on. And, if I feel like it's been a bad day for C, I will have the girls sleep with me. husband works 3rd shift... 
