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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 522120" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hello and welcome. First let me say, I have a child who can be aggressive so nothing I am going to say means I dont understand your wanting to give him a break, solve the issues, etc. I too am struggling more at this age I feel in huge part because puberty hit. Your son's behavior is very suspicious of drug use. Have you searched his room and every kind of hiding place (Lots of parents here can clue you in to that) where he might be hiding things? I think you are absolutely right to stop FB but not temporarily, permanently. He has no clue how destructive that can be. </p><p></p><p>When was the last time your son was evaluated? Does he take medications? It could be that with growth, hormones etc....additional diagnosis and medication changes are going to be necessary. He probably needs some anger management or counseling of some form if it is not drugs because that is way over the top for a child who had not previously had that issue. Something has happened.</p><p></p><p>I think your rules are very very good. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, my first thought when I read your post was...are you kidding me??? TWELVE??? HOlyl cow! In our state only mental health treatment can be refused. Oh my word. What would happen to you if you refused to care for him? I suppose he has all the power. And he can leave the home at 16? those have to be the earliest ages I have heard here, I mean, I knew that there were different laws in different states but 12 is clearly still WAY to young to make appropriate decisions. And how the heck can the law demand we care for our children but they have the right to live where-ever etc. ??? What ARE your rights with his leaving. Can you refuse to let him come home? Do you still have to cover him on your insurance? Are you nervous about the girlfriend's home? I would never let a boyfriend or girl friend just come and live with my child without talking to the parents first. Unbelievable. </p><p></p><p>I think he wants husband gone because he knows he can bully you. I am sorry to say that but yes, I do think you should have mentioned the bat. He went to get it as a weapon. My son has used things like that to hit (Not me but like hit a chair etc) but it was when he happened to have it in his hand, very impulsive, still NOT ok and he lost the items he used permanently. BUT it seems like your son premeditated that, went and got it and then came back at you, that is very scary. </p><p></p><p>As I said, I live in a situation that I too have to take a hard look at things and so am in no way criticizing you. Just offering thoughts. I can really relate to having that level of in your face demanding and such inappropriate talk. You have the added porn and facebook/social challenges (my son is quite delayed so while thinks of girls etc. is not actually dating and not even able to really have a friend). </p><p></p><p>I really have no parenting advice except support for your gut feelings. I dont have a child that functions that highly but I would say that the books we often use that do help include The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and it offers a different way to negotiate and enforce your rules. It might be worth a start because it really targets our kids who are wired differently. </p><p></p><p>My thoughts and care is with you and I hope you chime in as often as you can. I imagine you have a lot of experience that will be helpful to others too! HUGS, dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 522120, member: 12886"] Hello and welcome. First let me say, I have a child who can be aggressive so nothing I am going to say means I dont understand your wanting to give him a break, solve the issues, etc. I too am struggling more at this age I feel in huge part because puberty hit. Your son's behavior is very suspicious of drug use. Have you searched his room and every kind of hiding place (Lots of parents here can clue you in to that) where he might be hiding things? I think you are absolutely right to stop FB but not temporarily, permanently. He has no clue how destructive that can be. When was the last time your son was evaluated? Does he take medications? It could be that with growth, hormones etc....additional diagnosis and medication changes are going to be necessary. He probably needs some anger management or counseling of some form if it is not drugs because that is way over the top for a child who had not previously had that issue. Something has happened. I think your rules are very very good. Anyway, my first thought when I read your post was...are you kidding me??? TWELVE??? HOlyl cow! In our state only mental health treatment can be refused. Oh my word. What would happen to you if you refused to care for him? I suppose he has all the power. And he can leave the home at 16? those have to be the earliest ages I have heard here, I mean, I knew that there were different laws in different states but 12 is clearly still WAY to young to make appropriate decisions. And how the heck can the law demand we care for our children but they have the right to live where-ever etc. ??? What ARE your rights with his leaving. Can you refuse to let him come home? Do you still have to cover him on your insurance? Are you nervous about the girlfriend's home? I would never let a boyfriend or girl friend just come and live with my child without talking to the parents first. Unbelievable. I think he wants husband gone because he knows he can bully you. I am sorry to say that but yes, I do think you should have mentioned the bat. He went to get it as a weapon. My son has used things like that to hit (Not me but like hit a chair etc) but it was when he happened to have it in his hand, very impulsive, still NOT ok and he lost the items he used permanently. BUT it seems like your son premeditated that, went and got it and then came back at you, that is very scary. As I said, I live in a situation that I too have to take a hard look at things and so am in no way criticizing you. Just offering thoughts. I can really relate to having that level of in your face demanding and such inappropriate talk. You have the added porn and facebook/social challenges (my son is quite delayed so while thinks of girls etc. is not actually dating and not even able to really have a friend). I really have no parenting advice except support for your gut feelings. I dont have a child that functions that highly but I would say that the books we often use that do help include The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and it offers a different way to negotiate and enforce your rules. It might be worth a start because it really targets our kids who are wired differently. My thoughts and care is with you and I hope you chime in as often as you can. I imagine you have a lot of experience that will be helpful to others too! HUGS, dee [/QUOTE]
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