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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 522219" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Adding another welcome and some rather sober but realistic advice. If he is on his own at sixteen, and allowed to be, there is nothing you can do about his behavior. You can not monitor his FB anymore (or he can start a new one). You can't make him share the same morals you raised him to have. You can not control him...it is legally not possible. It is like an eighteen year old in the US. Your control of him and his behavior has ended. HOWEVER...</p><p></p><p>You don't need to give him a dime or feed him. If he wants to live on his own, let him find a way to provide for himself. If his girlfriend's parents will do it for a while, you can't stop that, but my guess is that they will get tired of it or the two of them will break up. You do not have to ever allow him to come back home while he is violent. I would not even consider allowing him home unless he is willing to go into serious treatment with frequent, random drug testing. To be honest, if you are afraid of him, in my opinion he does not belong at home. What if he not only hurts you, but his sister? He needs more help than you can give him.</p><p></p><p>My best guess is that he is using drugs and possibly using a lot of drugs. That's probably the #1 reason teens get violent almost overnight (plus changing friends is a red flag). I also know that kids with Tourettes are at higher risk for disorders like bipolar so that can't help either. BUT...you can't help him if he won't let you.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion try to detach from the situation and not control him so much. If he is crude, he is crude. It's his problem, not yours. You can't stop it. If he views porn, you can't stop that either at his age. I would seek out therapy for yourself to help you deal with his behavior and to learn how to be good to yourself. You also need to enjoy those who appreciate you...your wonderful husband and daughter. If he will not help himself, then you have to help yourself. You have given him all you could have, and if he doesn't want to respect you, you can not force him to. I've been there...many of us have.</p><p></p><p>It is too bad that sixteen year olds are treated as adults so young in Canada. I think eighteen is too young sometimes here in the US.</p><p></p><p>We are all happy you found us and I hope we can offer you some advice that hits home and can help you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 522219, member: 1550"] Adding another welcome and some rather sober but realistic advice. If he is on his own at sixteen, and allowed to be, there is nothing you can do about his behavior. You can not monitor his FB anymore (or he can start a new one). You can't make him share the same morals you raised him to have. You can not control him...it is legally not possible. It is like an eighteen year old in the US. Your control of him and his behavior has ended. HOWEVER... You don't need to give him a dime or feed him. If he wants to live on his own, let him find a way to provide for himself. If his girlfriend's parents will do it for a while, you can't stop that, but my guess is that they will get tired of it or the two of them will break up. You do not have to ever allow him to come back home while he is violent. I would not even consider allowing him home unless he is willing to go into serious treatment with frequent, random drug testing. To be honest, if you are afraid of him, in my opinion he does not belong at home. What if he not only hurts you, but his sister? He needs more help than you can give him. My best guess is that he is using drugs and possibly using a lot of drugs. That's probably the #1 reason teens get violent almost overnight (plus changing friends is a red flag). I also know that kids with Tourettes are at higher risk for disorders like bipolar so that can't help either. BUT...you can't help him if he won't let you. in my opinion try to detach from the situation and not control him so much. If he is crude, he is crude. It's his problem, not yours. You can't stop it. If he views porn, you can't stop that either at his age. I would seek out therapy for yourself to help you deal with his behavior and to learn how to be good to yourself. You also need to enjoy those who appreciate you...your wonderful husband and daughter. If he will not help himself, then you have to help yourself. You have given him all you could have, and if he doesn't want to respect you, you can not force him to. I've been there...many of us have. It is too bad that sixteen year olds are treated as adults so young in Canada. I think eighteen is too young sometimes here in the US. We are all happy you found us and I hope we can offer you some advice that hits home and can help you. [/QUOTE]
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