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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 142781" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dear Loosing Hope, </p><p> </p><p>You know I think it's been YEARS since I looked up the definition of the word hope. I mean if you asked me today "What IS hope?" I could give a fairly accurate account. But as you'll find out - I must know things. So I looked it up. </p><p> </p><p>Hope means to cherish a desire with expectations of fulfillment. To long for expectation of obtainment. To expect wtih desire. TRUST RELIANCE. Desire accompanied by the expectation or belief in fulfilment. </p><p> </p><p>Pretty deep really. And when they are born and we raise them the best way we can, when they go left of center we often think it is OUR fault. That WE as parents have done something improper, and we start second guessing EVERY little aspect and detail of our children's lives. And when they are born (describe it how you will) we think/forecast/dream about what that little person will be, where they will go with our guidance, how they will greet the world when they are old enough, every milestone scrutinized under close parental watch for the tiniest little blurb from suspected norms. </p><p> </p><p>So when we are hit with something like a difficult child - it waylays us into oblivion. They do something, we forgive, they do it again, we forgive, they do it again - and we think AM I NUTS? THIS IS INSANE. And then TRUST are RELIABILITY (=HOPE) for our children go right out the window with a hefty helping of "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOUNG LADY?" Once anyone betrays your trust - it can take years to regain it. Yet our children don't give us that option. The just keep coming back for more, and we take it and take it until we say screaming through tears "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH - I CAN NOT TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS." and we fall to the ground in a heap and puddle ourselves for an hour with hard tears. Three little words - learn to detach. At her age, she needs counseling, but will she go? If she goes; will she participate? Will you go - how about the family - at this point I can tell you without sounding like Dr. Spock (the baby dr. Not the Vulcan) that everyone that is living with a difficult child can benefit from therapy, effective communication, and detachment - also learning how NOT to trigger an argument is beautiful! </p><p> </p><p>Think about it WHO else do you know with a kid that behaves like yours? (Not including us here) but seriously? So you start once again comparing your child to those around you and second guessing yourself as a parent. It will make you insane. Learning how to accept that your kids is who she is because she is who she is - is first. Searching for help to change those behaviors is second. Well actually third if you count endless prayers - but that's pretty much standard in our house =like the first before first. </p><p> </p><p>However you found us - doesn't matter. The fact that you ARE looking is a huge first step to your recovery. You have found friends who won't judge, have advice, a serious amount of been there done that echos in every one of our parents irregardless of the age of their children. And some of us are down-right funny. Some of us have no organic disorders, some parents have issues with Bi-Polar which gives the rest of us an adult look at the disorder. Some of us are about a twig snap away from our whole tree coming down. Some of us - are tired and angry. All of us - care. </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone - is the nicest security bandage to keep your sanity inside your brain box. </p><p> </p><p>Oh and by the way - just under hope - was Horatio Alger - </p><p>of or relating to the fiction of Horatio Alger in which success is achieved through self-reliance and hard work. -We provide support for self reliance in spades - the hard work is up to you. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 142781, member: 4964"] Dear Loosing Hope, You know I think it's been YEARS since I looked up the definition of the word hope. I mean if you asked me today "What IS hope?" I could give a fairly accurate account. But as you'll find out - I must know things. So I looked it up. Hope means to cherish a desire with expectations of fulfillment. To long for expectation of obtainment. To expect wtih desire. TRUST RELIANCE. Desire accompanied by the expectation or belief in fulfilment. Pretty deep really. And when they are born and we raise them the best way we can, when they go left of center we often think it is OUR fault. That WE as parents have done something improper, and we start second guessing EVERY little aspect and detail of our children's lives. And when they are born (describe it how you will) we think/forecast/dream about what that little person will be, where they will go with our guidance, how they will greet the world when they are old enough, every milestone scrutinized under close parental watch for the tiniest little blurb from suspected norms. So when we are hit with something like a difficult child - it waylays us into oblivion. They do something, we forgive, they do it again, we forgive, they do it again - and we think AM I NUTS? THIS IS INSANE. And then TRUST are RELIABILITY (=HOPE) for our children go right out the window with a hefty helping of "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOUNG LADY?" Once anyone betrays your trust - it can take years to regain it. Yet our children don't give us that option. The just keep coming back for more, and we take it and take it until we say screaming through tears "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH - I CAN NOT TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS." and we fall to the ground in a heap and puddle ourselves for an hour with hard tears. Three little words - learn to detach. At her age, she needs counseling, but will she go? If she goes; will she participate? Will you go - how about the family - at this point I can tell you without sounding like Dr. Spock (the baby dr. Not the Vulcan) that everyone that is living with a difficult child can benefit from therapy, effective communication, and detachment - also learning how NOT to trigger an argument is beautiful! Think about it WHO else do you know with a kid that behaves like yours? (Not including us here) but seriously? So you start once again comparing your child to those around you and second guessing yourself as a parent. It will make you insane. Learning how to accept that your kids is who she is because she is who she is - is first. Searching for help to change those behaviors is second. Well actually third if you count endless prayers - but that's pretty much standard in our house =like the first before first. However you found us - doesn't matter. The fact that you ARE looking is a huge first step to your recovery. You have found friends who won't judge, have advice, a serious amount of been there done that echos in every one of our parents irregardless of the age of their children. And some of us are down-right funny. Some of us have no organic disorders, some parents have issues with Bi-Polar which gives the rest of us an adult look at the disorder. Some of us are about a twig snap away from our whole tree coming down. Some of us - are tired and angry. All of us - care. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone - is the nicest security bandage to keep your sanity inside your brain box. Oh and by the way - just under hope - was Horatio Alger - of or relating to the fiction of Horatio Alger in which success is achieved through self-reliance and hard work. -We provide support for self reliance in spades - the hard work is up to you. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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