New here and need advice please!!

[Pixistix19]

Hello everyone! I am not sure if this is directed towards the right group or not but I figured I would give it a shot....* My son is 3 years old (born in March 08). He is a very smart, sweet little boy. He has done everything on the early side such as walking, talking and so on. He has incredible motor skills and a great memory. He literally remembers events in detail from the age of 1. Since he was 1, I started seeing little things here and there that were concerening to me and unfortunately, it has been getting worse and worse. He does not like any loud noises. vacuums, hair dryer, loud vehicles, sneezing, specific songs and kids playing. He ESPECIALLY hates to hear other kids playing and screaming. We drove to the beach 4 hrs away with a 1 and a half yr old boy and my son wouldnt stop screaming and crying until i somehow reached back from the drivers seat and covered his ears and eyes. It had to be this way for 2 hrs. He does not want to play with any children because he is too afraid. I take him out 3 times a week to try and get him around other children but it is a struggle because he will not let me put him down when there are kids around. He has an obsession with bringing his things everywhere we go. Not just toys but, random things he has found. Receipts, cords, pieces of paper, etc. If I tell him he has to choose a few items and leave the rest behind, he will throw a fit until he passes out. He could have a bag full of 20 things and still realize that 1 piece of paper is missing and he will not let it go. He has a fear that his things are getting "cold" in the middle of the night, so he wakes up in a panic. When he takes his things outside, they MUST be in a bag because otherwise the bugs will get them. He finds something wrong with 1 of his things and says that it is ruined, even though I cant physically see anything wrong with it, He gets so frustrated over these things and he cannot be reasoned with. When ever his dad leaves to go to work, or I leave to go to a doctors appointment, he says that we are never coming back and he never wants to see us again. And when I do come back, he will push me and tell me to go away. He is also very attached to my hair. He has to be holding onto my hair to fall asleep. I am really trying everything I can to help him and make him less scared and anxious but, I don't know what to do anymore. i talked to my pediatrician and she gave me a name of a therapist to see but, they don't take insurance so I am looking around right now. I have a 3 month old daughter and my son does not understand that he cant just pull her out of my arms when hes having an anxiety issue. He is 45 lbs so it is not that easy to contain him either.Thank you so much if you read the whole thing. I know it's long but, I think the more information the better. Any advice or support is appreciated

 

[TeDo]

I wouldn't worry so much about finding a therapist. He needs to be evaluated by a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician with knowledge of children's mental health. An occupational therapy evaluation might also be needed. We can't diagnose here and we wouldn't even try. It sounds like he has sensory issues which an Occupational Therapist (OT) can evaluate and help with. He also has obsessions and "rules" that make no sense to you about his belongings. For me, in my opinion, this could point to some form of autism. I am NOT saying that is what it is but that is one thing that comes to mind. Others will be along to offer other advice.

You have found the RIGHT place for a situation like yours. The parents here have seen and been through everything you can imagine. Check out some threads on this board about autism spectrum and see if any of it rings any bells. You could also look at threads about sensory issues (loud noises). Welcome and stick around. You'll learn a lot and get lots of support here. This is a wonderful place.

 

[AnnieO]

Welcome Pixi!!!

I don't have a whole lot of experience with small children, and I know others here do, but I wanted to say hello and welcome you to our little world.

 

[Pixistix19]

Thank you! I am just looking for parents to relate to and am open to any ideas so, I welcome your ideas!

 

[keista]

Echoing what TeDo said.

I see the same things TeDo sees, but will add the the obsessions can be just that obsessions (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)) but am NOT negating the thought it might be autism spectrum.

Until you get an evaluation, you can research these and get an understanding of how to deal with them. Loud noises should be limited. When you are getting to vacuum or blow dry your hair, let him know you are going to do this and send him to his room with a pillow to cover his head. Get an mp3 player with head phones (my son at 15 still refuses to use earbuds. He likes the full headphones) and record stuff on it that he likes, and he can always use this to tune stuff our especially when riding in the car or in a restaurant. This could get tricky on a playground or beach situation because you want him to hear you, but if it's really bad, you may have to avoid such places.

His bag of "important stuff" Consider getting him a binder or box for it. You can use laminate inserts (like for baseball cards) and that way his stuff is protected and accessible at the same time. Yes, in some ways this just propegates the obsessions, but also teaches a transferable skill in organization and caring for important things. This will be crucial in the future if he ends up obsessive about some things, and others (like cleaning a room or keeping schoolwork organized) not so much.

Is he obsessed about YOUR hair or just hair? Can you get a wig that closely resembles your hair color, style and texture? Would he be willing to accept that as a substitute for those times when you (your hair) are not available?

If he tries to pull the baby from you try directing him to come next to you. "Look, Mom has two arms. One for each of you." and if he can calm down just a bit then he can give you a chance to put the baby down.

Yes, you have an interesting child on your hands, and all your concepts of 'normal parenting' have left the building.

 

[Pixistix19]

Keista, I love your ideas! Thank you for the advice. I have actually tried the headphones thing in a pinch but, he was too worked up at the time and wasn't going for it. I think I will talk to him and show him the trick again at a time when he is calm.

 

[BusynMember]

I can't diagnose and advise you to see a neuropsychologist, but he sounds like a classic Aspie (Asperberger's Syndrome).

 

[keista]

Keista, I love your ideas! Thank you for the advice. I have actually tried the headphones thing in a pinch but, he was too worked up at the time and wasn't going for it. I think I will talk to him and show him the trick again at a time when he is calm.

The big struggle is anticipating situations and having your bag of tricks ready BEFORE there is a problem. After years of practice I still 'forget' sometimes. Fortunately sometimes the kids have adjusted, but again other times, not so much.

 

[Pixistix19]

I can imagine! With all of his things I already have to carry around it will be a challenge! My car looks like a big junk pit but, he always reassures me there is a need for each and every item. Oh, and about the hair thing...it mainly is just my hair. He will settle for my mothers sometimes because we have similar hair. I have chopped it all off several times because he pulls and rips it out but, he always finds his way to my hair no matter how short.

 

[nvts]

Pixie! Welcome! I agree about an Occupational Therapy evaluation...he sounds like there are major sensory issues - my difficult child 2 had a lot of those - they taught me a light brushing regimin that really made a huge difference.

Beth

 

[Pixistix19]

beth-my sister-in-law had sensory problems too and also did that therapy. it never crossed my mind bc i always associated it w her and that she didnt like to be touched and my son is completely opposite. i guess i didnt think about different variations!

 

[Steely]

I am going to also agree that he has some big sensory issues going on, and that Occupational Therapy is the first step. They can work with him on the noise thing too.

As others have said, we cannot diagnosis, but he also sounds very much on the autism spectrum. That spectrum is extremely wide, including kids without speech, to kids like mine that are outwardly normal but processes things very different.

I don't know about finances but having him tested would be a good start - yet it does not help with the problem. If you suspect any of our suggestions are true I would start reading. The Out of Sync Child is the first book that comes to my mind, but there are many, and this website has them all listed.

The other thing would be some sort of social play therapy group that he can go to. These are skilled professionals working with kids like yours to help them learn how to socialize. A lot of this could be subsidized by your local non-profits, and hospitals. I would start looking around and researching that.

HUGS!

 

[Pixistix19]

Thank you so much!! I am really interested in reading that book now. I feel great getting all these responses! When i try to talk to my parents about it they just say "he's just going through a phase". Ugh all I am looking for is some support!! My husband does agree with and support me but, he works a lot of hours so I sort of feel alone in all of this

 

[exhausted]

Hello and welcome. Special education preschool usually starts at age 3. They do assessments if you are worried about your child, though they are not the best, they may qualify him. The upside is early intervention and socialization(also some time for you and baby). Many of these teachers are the best in the system. In some areas, DDR (forget what it stands for) is an early intervetion program (funded through the state) for kids who are having developmental issues, they often have access to good PTs. They also come to your home and help you access services. Our boy was able to get an excellent PT which the district paid for through Special Education. preschool. Incidentally, he never had special education again after preschool, only a 504 plan, and is doing so well as an adult. We don't see any signs of a disability. He did have some sensory issues as well, hyperactivity, and some trouble seperating from me . Keep us posted.

 

[Liahona]

Wanted to welcome you. School personal can be great, but they do not diagnose. They categories for school purposes according to laws dealing with schools. They are good and necessary just sometimes they don't tell parents their limits. It would still be good to see a neuropsychologist or child psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician someone with a ph.d. with some medical and psychiatric background. (Probably neuropsychologist.)

 

[JJJ]

Keista's suggestion of the headphones is great. If he doesn't like the music but needs total silence, you can try the electronic noise-cancelling head phones (very expensive but can block out almost everything) or go to a hunting store and get headphones that they use on shooting ranges, they are pretty good at blocking out noise and cheaper than the high tech ones.

Maybe get him a "imagination blanket" and when he is overwhelmed (like in that car ride), he can put the blanket over his head to block out the world and play with his stuff, and when he is older, read a book.