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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 260711" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>WOW!!! You really DO have a lot on your plate. That poor kiddo, to have endured all that from even before she was born. Sheesh, no wonder she acts out. I wouldn't be all that cooperative either.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you are doing a pretty awesome job of protecting her and working with the system to keep him away from her. Maybe instead of waiting for the courts to tell you he filed for custody you could preempt him with a suit for full guardianship and no visitation because the abuse? It might be a way to get the evidence of abuse into the judge's mind. Whatever happens, it sounds like you are pretty well prepared for battle! Good Job!</p><p></p><p>As for your daughter - she is going to need intensive help for many years to come. Just when you think you have the problems dealt with and over something will happen to bring them up again. Like puberty, etc... It is going to stink. The important thing is to always follow your instincts. If they tell you to fight for something, don't give in. If they tell you it isn't worth fighting about, don't get pulled into an argument or whatever. </p><p></p><p>Remember that YOU have spent years with this child and the "experts" have spent minutes a month with her. So if the experts say one thing and your instincts say something else, go with the instincts. I can very honestly say that the things that happened to mess my son up the most were things I went along with although my instincts told me not to.</p><p></p><p>You also have to remember, no matter what, that you never got up and asked yourself, "How can I mess up my kid the most today?" You never ever did this. You did the very best you could with what you had in the situation you were in. </p><p></p><p>and that is good enough. It really is, so be nice to yourself and don't beat yourself up too much.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure how you have all the information on your daughter organized. Years ago some parents here on the board figured out a general format for a Parent Report. it is a document you create to keep ALL the info about your child organized and in one place. It is something you will need to work on in chunks, not all at once. Once you have it done you can keep copies on hand to give to anyone you think needs to have it. Just remember that you don't have to give ALL of it to anyone. School especially may need just some of the info, depending on if they are going to use it to help your child or not. Some schools use info to hurt kids and keep from providing services, which is truly sad. Some docs can do the same. So only give out what the person needs. </p><p></p><p>The Parent Report is in the FAQ section and many of us have found it to be invaluable.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board, it is a fun and helpful place to be. We have all heard all the rude and nasty comments, and we come here to help eachother heal and figure things out. (For instance I once had a doctor who was treating my migraines tell me that I needed to give up my children because difficult child was always going to be too much to handle and I really didn't need my daughter either. They were 2 and 6 at the time!!! I was MAD, and hurt. And didn't go back!)</p><p></p><p>Sending some gentle hugs and a warm welcome!</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 260711, member: 1233"] WOW!!! You really DO have a lot on your plate. That poor kiddo, to have endured all that from even before she was born. Sheesh, no wonder she acts out. I wouldn't be all that cooperative either. It sounds like you are doing a pretty awesome job of protecting her and working with the system to keep him away from her. Maybe instead of waiting for the courts to tell you he filed for custody you could preempt him with a suit for full guardianship and no visitation because the abuse? It might be a way to get the evidence of abuse into the judge's mind. Whatever happens, it sounds like you are pretty well prepared for battle! Good Job! As for your daughter - she is going to need intensive help for many years to come. Just when you think you have the problems dealt with and over something will happen to bring them up again. Like puberty, etc... It is going to stink. The important thing is to always follow your instincts. If they tell you to fight for something, don't give in. If they tell you it isn't worth fighting about, don't get pulled into an argument or whatever. Remember that YOU have spent years with this child and the "experts" have spent minutes a month with her. So if the experts say one thing and your instincts say something else, go with the instincts. I can very honestly say that the things that happened to mess my son up the most were things I went along with although my instincts told me not to. You also have to remember, no matter what, that you never got up and asked yourself, "How can I mess up my kid the most today?" You never ever did this. You did the very best you could with what you had in the situation you were in. and that is good enough. It really is, so be nice to yourself and don't beat yourself up too much. I am not sure how you have all the information on your daughter organized. Years ago some parents here on the board figured out a general format for a Parent Report. it is a document you create to keep ALL the info about your child organized and in one place. It is something you will need to work on in chunks, not all at once. Once you have it done you can keep copies on hand to give to anyone you think needs to have it. Just remember that you don't have to give ALL of it to anyone. School especially may need just some of the info, depending on if they are going to use it to help your child or not. Some schools use info to hurt kids and keep from providing services, which is truly sad. Some docs can do the same. So only give out what the person needs. The Parent Report is in the FAQ section and many of us have found it to be invaluable. Welcome to the board, it is a fun and helpful place to be. We have all heard all the rude and nasty comments, and we come here to help eachother heal and figure things out. (For instance I once had a doctor who was treating my migraines tell me that I needed to give up my children because difficult child was always going to be too much to handle and I really didn't need my daughter either. They were 2 and 6 at the time!!! I was MAD, and hurt. And didn't go back!) Sending some gentle hugs and a warm welcome! Susie [/QUOTE]
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