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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 262513" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>As and when you can, you and husband need to get on the same page as much aspossible. If you can, get him to lurk here. It can make a huge difference - even if you both talk together a lot, there's something about writing it down here for me that condenses my thoughts into something more effective, husband & I are even more on the same page these days even though we thought we already were doing well.</p><p></p><p>Writing posts distils your thoughts in a way nothing else can do.</p><p></p><p>If you are both working as an effective team, there is much less misunderstanding between you and your child. That can bring more positive results than you might think.</p><p></p><p>Your husband has already set the big reawrd in place. The smaller rewards are a good way of making it achievable. My main concern now (something you will have to watch for) is that she will expect similar big rewards in the future. You may have set yourselves up for some expensive bribes! But hey, that's your problem, not mine. Your choice. If you're cool with it, no worries. If not - then you will find a way to wean her off future expensive rewards.</p><p></p><p>Where you can, also use praise. It is amazing what a positive difference it can make. If you combine the current bribes with praise, thatcan be part of the process in working towards weaning her back on rewards. Other good reward options - your time, donig something she enjoys. If she wants to make cupcakes, then you can make a cupcake session with her, a reward for a day's good behaviour.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like you did well with those teens who were hassling her - I learned to not count any misbehaviour in difficult child 3 if it was duew to him being provoked by others. If he was able to quickly calm himself down, or if he handled it well, I would praise him for coping and for being more mature than the others in the interaction.</p><p></p><p>Our kids need to know that we will help them, we will stick up for them if they're being mistreated. Simply knowing this can make such a difference to their confidence, which in turn reduces their anxiety often to more manageable levels. It all flows on to lead to improvement.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 262513, member: 1991"] As and when you can, you and husband need to get on the same page as much aspossible. If you can, get him to lurk here. It can make a huge difference - even if you both talk together a lot, there's something about writing it down here for me that condenses my thoughts into something more effective, husband & I are even more on the same page these days even though we thought we already were doing well. Writing posts distils your thoughts in a way nothing else can do. If you are both working as an effective team, there is much less misunderstanding between you and your child. That can bring more positive results than you might think. Your husband has already set the big reawrd in place. The smaller rewards are a good way of making it achievable. My main concern now (something you will have to watch for) is that she will expect similar big rewards in the future. You may have set yourselves up for some expensive bribes! But hey, that's your problem, not mine. Your choice. If you're cool with it, no worries. If not - then you will find a way to wean her off future expensive rewards. Where you can, also use praise. It is amazing what a positive difference it can make. If you combine the current bribes with praise, thatcan be part of the process in working towards weaning her back on rewards. Other good reward options - your time, donig something she enjoys. If she wants to make cupcakes, then you can make a cupcake session with her, a reward for a day's good behaviour. Sounds like you did well with those teens who were hassling her - I learned to not count any misbehaviour in difficult child 3 if it was duew to him being provoked by others. If he was able to quickly calm himself down, or if he handled it well, I would praise him for coping and for being more mature than the others in the interaction. Our kids need to know that we will help them, we will stick up for them if they're being mistreated. Simply knowing this can make such a difference to their confidence, which in turn reduces their anxiety often to more manageable levels. It all flows on to lead to improvement. Marg [/QUOTE]
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