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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 393889"><p>Welcome. I don't have any answers but I have a little hindsight. My son is 19 and is currently in rehab. Some things are coming out in therapy around some things he feels some shame around and some very difficult events which happened when he was around 12. They feel his drug use was really about covering up his pain. I wish I had been more clued in when he was younger and brought some of this stuff out. Now the fact is that he did have a good therapist at that point but some stuff he never shared there.</p><p></p><p>So your son has been through some trauma, given the abuse by your ex. It sounds like he has not processed all that and may have some very painful feelings... not uncommon for a kid in that situation to feel that somehow they deserved it etc. So I think you need to somehow get him into therapy. You need to find a really good therapist that works with adolescents and you need to tell the therapist up front about the past abuse so they are clued in. If the therapist is a good one then they will find a way to engage with your son so that he will hopefully be willing to go back..</p><p></p><p>So the key is once you find a good therapist how can you get him to go. This might be a case where bribery is appropriate. Or as some kind of consequence. I don't know. Some how think of something that will motivate your son.</p><p></p><p>The drug use is worrisome and will probably just get worse unless you get the core issue dealt with. </p><p></p><p>I totally feel for you.... we have been down that path and are just further down it than you are. If you can address all this now it may save you some pain and worry later on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 393889"] Welcome. I don't have any answers but I have a little hindsight. My son is 19 and is currently in rehab. Some things are coming out in therapy around some things he feels some shame around and some very difficult events which happened when he was around 12. They feel his drug use was really about covering up his pain. I wish I had been more clued in when he was younger and brought some of this stuff out. Now the fact is that he did have a good therapist at that point but some stuff he never shared there. So your son has been through some trauma, given the abuse by your ex. It sounds like he has not processed all that and may have some very painful feelings... not uncommon for a kid in that situation to feel that somehow they deserved it etc. So I think you need to somehow get him into therapy. You need to find a really good therapist that works with adolescents and you need to tell the therapist up front about the past abuse so they are clued in. If the therapist is a good one then they will find a way to engage with your son so that he will hopefully be willing to go back.. So the key is once you find a good therapist how can you get him to go. This might be a case where bribery is appropriate. Or as some kind of consequence. I don't know. Some how think of something that will motivate your son. The drug use is worrisome and will probably just get worse unless you get the core issue dealt with. I totally feel for you.... we have been down that path and are just further down it than you are. If you can address all this now it may save you some pain and worry later on. [/QUOTE]
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