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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 393891" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Welcome! I am glad you found us - though sorry it was necessary.</p><p> </p><p>I'm a stepmom of a 15-y/o who was abused by mommy's (then) boyfriend. We've been down the gamut of oppositional behavior, drug use, violence and what have you. Right now she's being an angel, but let me tell you - I had no real idea what I was signing up for!</p><p> </p><p>If he becomes violent with you - call the police. I know it really hurts when you have to think about your child being in the system, in juvie, with a record. But YOU do NOT deserve that!</p><p> </p><p>One thing I have learned, and am still struggling with, is consistency. There must be consequences for actions. A lot of people here will tell you - natural consequences are the best. He sneaks out? He's stuck outside - 'cause you've locked the doors. It's <strong><em>H.A.R.D.</em></strong> to do. My biggest thing? Was Onyxx, stealing. I finally laid down the law. I won't deal with theft or lying. And she spent 7 months sans cell phone due to her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>She's been in counseling, and recently court-ordered anger management. I really think it's made a difference. But you know what else? I really do think the cutting, the self-mutilation, the drugs - were a way to be in control of her pain. She's had no control over her life until recently, and when she and her brother first moved in with us, husband was a Disneyland Dad, trying to make up for all the garbage. No rules = BAD. Then mom's dude started in, and things got TERRIBLE. Even 2 years after the abuse stopped - because Onyxx refuses to visit at all - stuff comes back to her. The only difference now, as opposed to, say, a year ago, is that when she has a flashback, she'll get me or husband - and we talk about it. I don't want to know the details I know, but if it helps my kid - I will listen. I will give her my thoughts if asked. And I'll make her a cup of tea and we'll just sit. (This was not possible even 6 months ago. I was afraid of her.)</p><p> </p><p>I can't give you any easy answers, but as for the pot smoking? Kids will admit to that - but rarely anything stronger. Pharmacies sell OTC drug tests - you may want to consider one.</p><p> </p><p>You may have to just lay down the law to him - he is still young enough for you to MAKE him get help - if he won't go to counseling, you might have to consider an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).</p><p> </p><p>Just remember something please. YOU <strong>DO NOT </strong>DESERVE TO BE HURT OR HAVE YOUR PROPERTY STOLEN OR DESTROYED.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs. And welcome to our world!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 393891, member: 6705"] Welcome! I am glad you found us - though sorry it was necessary. I'm a stepmom of a 15-y/o who was abused by mommy's (then) boyfriend. We've been down the gamut of oppositional behavior, drug use, violence and what have you. Right now she's being an angel, but let me tell you - I had no real idea what I was signing up for! If he becomes violent with you - call the police. I know it really hurts when you have to think about your child being in the system, in juvie, with a record. But YOU do NOT deserve that! One thing I have learned, and am still struggling with, is consistency. There must be consequences for actions. A lot of people here will tell you - natural consequences are the best. He sneaks out? He's stuck outside - 'cause you've locked the doors. It's [B][I]H.A.R.D.[/I][/B] to do. My biggest thing? Was Onyxx, stealing. I finally laid down the law. I won't deal with theft or lying. And she spent 7 months sans cell phone due to her behavior. She's been in counseling, and recently court-ordered anger management. I really think it's made a difference. But you know what else? I really do think the cutting, the self-mutilation, the drugs - were a way to be in control of her pain. She's had no control over her life until recently, and when she and her brother first moved in with us, husband was a Disneyland Dad, trying to make up for all the garbage. No rules = BAD. Then mom's dude started in, and things got TERRIBLE. Even 2 years after the abuse stopped - because Onyxx refuses to visit at all - stuff comes back to her. The only difference now, as opposed to, say, a year ago, is that when she has a flashback, she'll get me or husband - and we talk about it. I don't want to know the details I know, but if it helps my kid - I will listen. I will give her my thoughts if asked. And I'll make her a cup of tea and we'll just sit. (This was not possible even 6 months ago. I was afraid of her.) I can't give you any easy answers, but as for the pot smoking? Kids will admit to that - but rarely anything stronger. Pharmacies sell OTC drug tests - you may want to consider one. You may have to just lay down the law to him - he is still young enough for you to MAKE him get help - if he won't go to counseling, you might have to consider an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Just remember something please. YOU [B]DO NOT [/B]DESERVE TO BE HURT OR HAVE YOUR PROPERTY STOLEN OR DESTROYED. Hugs. And welcome to our world! [/QUOTE]
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