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new here, anybody out there like me?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 267771" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>She sounds like a really special kid. Kudos to her to be able to express herself so well. However, be careful - she could also learn very quickly to tell people what "sells".</p><p></p><p>Why she is targetting you, stealing/trashing your stuff - she is testing you, trying to make you reject her. She is afraid it will happen and at some level si trying to make it hurry up and happen, waiting for the other shoe to drop is agonising.</p><p></p><p>I also agree - don't be too complacent about the boy. Each child's experience and perception of the experience will have been different. Their reacgtions will therefore be different. He may simply be less aware of just how bad it was; one day, the penny will drop. Then you need to be prepared.</p><p></p><p>A friend of easy child's when growing up, was molested by one of her mother's boyfriends. The mother was a really loving, responsible woman who just didn't know and was horrified when she found out. The child would have been about 4 or 5 when it happened. It was a bond we had in common - easy child was molested when she was 5, by a 7 year old kid at school. easy child didn't tell me for two years and those years of fear when she hid it, were years of damage and terror.</p><p>Her friend's mother got her daughter into counselling, but also did her own therapy. At one point (the girl must have been ready and I think this was done with the therapist's involvement) the mother got the girl to write down the things she needed to say to her abuser. She then was invited to let it all out and to vent her feelnigs. The mother was horrified at what came out - her quiet, polite girl became a screaming banshee, ripping at the paper, swearing such filth and anger. Then when she had finally spent herself, they went out into the backyard and burned the paper.</p><p></p><p>easy child and her old school friend have both grown up. Amazingly, there were no serious behaviour problems growing up with either of them. easy child is a comfort eate which worries me. Otherwise - both girls are a success in their lives both professional and personal.</p><p></p><p>It can be done. </p><p></p><p>But it requires a lot more therapy, directed to the specific problems, than we often think.</p><p></p><p>I also would be wary of someone who felt that ODD was a handy label for such a complex set of issues. I also am very nervous about the wisdom of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a kid who is at some level testing you to see if you will eventually reject her. I'm not saying, "definitely get a new therapist," but I DO feel a second opinion is warranted. Perhaps through a neuropsychologist evaluation? More information there could give you a lot of useful answers.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 267771, member: 1991"] She sounds like a really special kid. Kudos to her to be able to express herself so well. However, be careful - she could also learn very quickly to tell people what "sells". Why she is targetting you, stealing/trashing your stuff - she is testing you, trying to make you reject her. She is afraid it will happen and at some level si trying to make it hurry up and happen, waiting for the other shoe to drop is agonising. I also agree - don't be too complacent about the boy. Each child's experience and perception of the experience will have been different. Their reacgtions will therefore be different. He may simply be less aware of just how bad it was; one day, the penny will drop. Then you need to be prepared. A friend of easy child's when growing up, was molested by one of her mother's boyfriends. The mother was a really loving, responsible woman who just didn't know and was horrified when she found out. The child would have been about 4 or 5 when it happened. It was a bond we had in common - easy child was molested when she was 5, by a 7 year old kid at school. easy child didn't tell me for two years and those years of fear when she hid it, were years of damage and terror. Her friend's mother got her daughter into counselling, but also did her own therapy. At one point (the girl must have been ready and I think this was done with the therapist's involvement) the mother got the girl to write down the things she needed to say to her abuser. She then was invited to let it all out and to vent her feelnigs. The mother was horrified at what came out - her quiet, polite girl became a screaming banshee, ripping at the paper, swearing such filth and anger. Then when she had finally spent herself, they went out into the backyard and burned the paper. easy child and her old school friend have both grown up. Amazingly, there were no serious behaviour problems growing up with either of them. easy child is a comfort eate which worries me. Otherwise - both girls are a success in their lives both professional and personal. It can be done. But it requires a lot more therapy, directed to the specific problems, than we often think. I also would be wary of someone who felt that ODD was a handy label for such a complex set of issues. I also am very nervous about the wisdom of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a kid who is at some level testing you to see if you will eventually reject her. I'm not saying, "definitely get a new therapist," but I DO feel a second opinion is warranted. Perhaps through a neuropsychologist evaluation? More information there could give you a lot of useful answers. Marg [/QUOTE]
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